Can I ask DU ladies or anyone on DU for help? I don't get this issue with my wife.
Yes, I am probably going to get slammed one way or another about this but I need help understanding or figuring out how to get my wife to calm down.
My wife works right now 11 hours in a home for a lady. She is 1 of 4 people working for this woman and well the last one to get hired in the home.
Well, Last week she asked for Saturday off so I could deal with my grandmother's recent stroke--she is recovering and at 92 she is determine to get back to her home.
On Monday she was asked by one of her co-workers to take her to a nearby city hospital (The co-worker went to our town hospital--Jameson and basically was left in a room for 2 hours and was not seen by anyone. She got frustrated and left.)
She was in pain and needed medical attention. My wife took her to a nearby hospital and my wife stayed with her. At one point it was thought the woman may be rushed to surgery but she was sent home with a nasty internal infection. My wife even gave the woman the money for her co-pay Originally she and my wife agree that my wife would work Mon and Tuesday and the woman would take my wife's Thurs and Friday. I made the huge mistake of suggesting that instead she ask the woman to work her Friday and Saturday and I would be able to spend time with her and maybe go down and see my grandmother again.
Either this woman wasn't fully understanding or something BUT my wife thought she explained to the woman that switch. We thought it was going to be okay. This morning My wife gets a call from the woman saying she's taking all my wife's hours this week. My wife is like WHAT? Than she's bitching that my wife isn't letting her make up her hours. She hangs up on my wife--Claims she didn't really that she had to talk to a utility company.
Guess the woman tried to call my wife and text her. HOWEVER in our new location we actually have a room that is a dead zone. Our cell phones don't work right in the room and well my wife was busy talking to her work place--THEY FINALLY after 4 weeks called her for "on-call" work. She had to drive 1/2 to a client's home for 2 hours of work. My wife never been there before so it took her a while to find the place. Now when my wife drives she is a insistent on not talking on the cell phone. So my wife never got in touch with the woman because after working and getting back into town the full time co-worker at the home called asked my wife to do a favor which she did. She goes to the home to meet with the co-worker and they start talking. They are talking about the fact the client hours are getting cut and what everyone wants in hours. Co-worker my wife took the hospital is natural upset about cut hours and how she won't work two hours at a home weekday evening. It isn't worth her time. My wife doesn't understand that logic. This is a client in our town. Like a 5 minute ride.
Anyways Co-worker who had gone to the hospital calls my wife outside where she basically is yell at my wife saying she is going back on the deal and that she is being lazy that she doesn't want to work on Saturday. My wife is trying to explain this all again and this getting upset that the woman won't let her finish a sentence and this woman is edging up on my wife like she's going to hit her.
My wife removed herself from the situation but she is pissed and hurt and she won't let let go.
I keep telling her let it go you'll make yourself sick BUT now she--my wife is bitching that I'm yelling and picking on her.
How the fuck do I get it through to my wife that she's got to let this go She's crying and not listening to me.
= new reply since forum marked as read
After its out of her system she may be calmed down enough to let it go.
and misunderstandings are VERY common, unfortunately.
I suggest: Be peaceful, quiet, say you 'agree' with her, you're sorry about all the misunderstandings. DON'T say 'You should . . .'
Hugs and peace and quiet, imo.
a husband can say to his wife is to calm down or "let it go".
When I'm upset, I don't want someone to fix it. I don't want someone to tell me to let it go.
I just want someone to be there to listen to me, even if I rant.
I would say there's much less chance of her having a heart attack by getting it out than by keeping things inside and then stewing about them. Because that's what will happen. We women...most of us, anyway...can keep things inside for a long, long time. Which is why stuff you guys did a year ago ends up being brought up in an argument that has nothing whatsoever to do with what happened a year ago.
So really...let her talk as long as she wants to, hold her hand, ask if she wants some cocoa or tea (or some other favorite drink) and just listen. She will appreciate it, I know
