Is it ethical to pretend that everything is forgiven and forgotten when you haven't really?

[Nikia]

Does it matter how much time has passed and whether or not you regularly see this person or not? I am inclined not to fake such things, but maybe if I have better interactions with such a person in the present, I really will forgive them.
What do you think?

[hlthe2b]

1. Probably not, but I think most find it tiresome when someone continually carries a grudge...

over something well in the past and for which sincere attempts were made to make amends. So, I think a price is paid (in more ways than one) for those who just can't forgive (if not forget).

[Nikia]

3. Let's say no attempt was made to address the issue

Other than behaving as though everything is fine in the present. I am thinking that maybe the feelings will follow in time and that we may be better off that way than rehashing something that happened several years ago.

[hlthe2b]

5. I think that is how forgiveness usually evolves...

At least in social or workplace settings. Begrudging acceptance (with a bit of passive aggression, perhaps) and with time perhaps enough trust earned to discuss and work past the issue.

[lindysalsagal]

2. Sure, it is. Life is too short. You can't take the grudge with you to the grave: might as well just

let it go.

[RevStPatrick]

4. Naturally, it depends upon the issue.

I tend to forgive very quickly.
But I never forget.
I will treat someone who wronged me with civility and even humor, but I won't trust them again very easily. And I'll make sure they understand that...

[Honeycombe8]

6. For me, I wouldn't pretend anything is forgotten, because it's not possible to forget something.

Everyone would know you're lying.

But if someone apologizes sincerely, I don't see why you wouldn't accept it. You don't have to say "all is forgiven and forgotten." That's going too far, if you don't feel it.

It also depends on what was done. Saying you look fat is different from, say, spreading a vicious rumor at work that you've been sleeping with the boss...when it's not true.

[In_The_Wind]

7. I forgive but I rarely forget.

Oh. And I do usually avoid having anything to do with that person again.

[OriginalGeek]

8. ..

[Myrina]

12. That sure is the truth!!

[Curmudgeoness]

9. You don't have to forgiven or forget, but

you can just put it behind you. I also don't fake that everything is hunky-dory after an issue, but I will state that I am disappointed or hurt or whatever and I would expect that they would never go there again. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying how you felt about the issue.....but I don't let it eat at me either. Just remember not to ever get into that same situation with the person again. (Example: I trusted a friend with a confidence, and she immediately blabbed it. I put it behind me, but I will never trust her with secrets again.)

[raccoon]

13. Great post. nt

[vanlassie]

10. "Resentment is the poison you drink and wait

for the other person to die."

If you can get just WHO is paying the cost for holding on to the ill will, that it is you, and only you, you will want to get rid of it. Because the price is too high.

Hanging on to resentment gives an illusion of self protection. But you always get to choose how to be. And letting go never means condoning what happened. It means you choose to be in a positive rather than negative space. Period.

[AngryOldDem]

11. Good question.

I tend to forgive but not forget, and it definitely colors my relationship with the person going forward. I don't think I carry grudges, but I do have a long memory.

[Kali]

14. I don't think that is a matter of ethics especially,

the feelings of anger may do more harm than anything but acting civil around someone you are angry at is fact of life for many many people. In a work or family situation you may not be free to express the anger, so you must either let it go or hide it. Life is complicated sometimes but there are mental techniques to help with letting rotten emotions go...

[mythology]

15. I have a hard time letting go of grudges

It's probably not the most emotionally healthy trait. For me, I think it's that I seem to be more likely to be hit by lightening than to get an apology from most people coupled with a memory that rarely forgets. So I don't get the chance to really let it go and then when something else triggers a memory of the previous incident(s), my mind goes back to the same place and the same anger will well up again.