What do you call a Bass Player without a girlfriend?

[Vinnie From Indy]

Homeless

Cheers!

[olddots]

1. whats the difference between a mutual fund and a bass player ?

the mutual fund matures and makes money

why weren't there any singer jokes ????

[Archae]

2. What do you call a singer who is broke?

Average.

[Archae]

3. Can't leave out drummers...

What do you call a drummer in a library?

Lost.

[KamaAina]

44. Did you hear about the band that locked themselves out of their van?

It took them 45 minutes to get the drummer out!

[HarveyDarkey]

4. This guy?

[Archae]

5. Isn't that Stephen King?

[Arkansas Granny]

13. Nah, he's just trying to tuna fish.

[Vinnie From Indy]

6. How do you know when the stage is level ?

The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth

[Vinnie From Indy]

7. What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?

"Will the defendant please rise ..."

Cheers!

[red dog 1]

34. good one.

[olddots]

8. okay why does a drummer put his drumsticks on his dashboard ?

So he can park in handicapped spaces .

[lindysalsagal]

30. No, sorry. That's a viola joke.

[blogslut]

9. Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Four - One to screw it in and three to say "I can do that!"

[solara]

10. How many female jazz singers does it take to sing "My Funny Valentine"?

Apparently all of them


[url=http://www.cosgan.de/smilie.php][img][/img][/url]

[olddots]

24. so true

[abq e streeter]

59. ...

[sakabatou]

11. What do you call a bass player?

A bad fisherman.

[In_The_Wind]

12. One of my very best DU friends.

He isn't homeless.
But if he was, I would give him shelter.

[sendero]

14. That is SOOO wrong.....

.... everyone knows it's a DRUMMER!

[HappyMe]

15. What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

[lindysalsagal]

32. What do you call a trombonist with a pager?

An optimist.

[In_The_Wind]

57. Or an employed musician.

[Vinnie From Indy]

16. How do you get a guitarist off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

[EvilAL]

17. How do you know when there is a lead singer at the door?

He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

[lindysalsagal]

31. NOT always the singer's fault!!!!!

[red dog 1]

35. How do you know when there's a guitar player at your front door?

The knocking just keeps getting louder and faster.

[HappyMe]

18. What's the difference between an accordian and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordian.

[libodem]

19. Okay this must be my opening from band practice last night

What is better than roses on the piano?....





You, guess.

[eShirl]

20. it's

tulips on the _______

I'm guessing: sax

[libodem]

21. lololol

Uh, nope.

[libodem]

22. You are only half right

[HappyMe]

23. Tulips on the organ!

[libodem]

25. Yep

Thread win. Those guys at music. I'm not supposed to say band practice, it's a jam. They only play an occasional private party. And I'm the roady/groupie/audience/ and back up vocals. The wives and myself sometimes call ourselves the groadies. I'm friends with everyone and hang with the girls on break.

I don't want to miss out out on the musician jokes, ffs.

[MrYikes]

28. What do you call someone who wants to hang around musicians?

a drummer.

[7wo7rees]

39. What do you call a guy who hangs around drummers?

A percussionist.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gossamer_Wump
(Had this on 78rpm as a child)

[eShirl]

29. That's what it was!

(I also was once a "groadie," a couple decades and one marriage ago.)

[AnneD]

62. I am a groadie too...

It's a bit different with Indian musicans.

[olddots]

26. What do you call a bad tenor sax player who thinks if they shoot junk ----

they'll sound like Charlie Parker ?

normal

[kwassa]

27. What's the difference between a professional and an amateur musician?

A professional can live on less.

[waddirum]

41. What's the difference between a moose and the Lawrence Welk Orchestra

On a moose, the horns are in front and the asshole is in the rear.

[lindysalsagal]

33. What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?

Lipstick.

[hifiguy]

50. What do you call the girl singer who hits all her cues

and is always on key?

A unicorn, because they don't exist either.

[red dog 1]

36. What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

[lindysalsagal]

52. Cold. So cold.

[olddots]

37. what do you call a keyboard player that caries their own equiptment ?

a freak of nature.

what do you call the person who plays tambourine and cow bell ?

the one with a driver's license

NOT FUNNY we need more

[In_The_Wind]

42. What do you call a groupie

a fish fry.

[TheMightyFavog]

38. Did you har about the bassist who locked himself out of his car?

He spent over three hours trying to get the drummer out.

[Knightraven]

40. "What do you call a Bass Player without a girlfriend?"

My next Date!

[red dog 1]

43. How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the bulb, and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

45. What's the diff between a violin and a viola???

(Pianist and ex-violinist classical music nerd here)

1. The viola burns longer.

2. The viola holds more beer.



What's the diff between a viola and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

[olddots]

46. whats the difference between a viola and a cello ?

the cello doesn't get drooled on as much . ???

[lindysalsagal]

53. Gonna remember the trampoline!

[olddots]

47. I'm winging some (foregive me )

why don't male bass players drive Porsches ? they have normal size willies

What do you get when a Julliard French horn major marries a blue grass banjo player ? I don't know but it sounds funny

[hifiguy]

49. You see a turtle and a tuba player out on a Saturday night

What's the difference?

The turtle is on his way to a gig.

[hifiguy]

48. How do you get the lead guitarist off your doorstep?

Pay him for the damned pizza.

[KurtNYC]

51. Now in video form....

[lindysalsagal]

55. I sent the url to my daughter. Thanks.

I didn't see the dress coming, but it's perfect!

[KurtNYC]

61. I love the "They've started to harmonize" line.

[whistler162]

54. Yeah... seeing as though bass start smelling

after a few hours of being played.

[Sissyk]

56. What is the best sound a banjo makes?

When it hits the bottom of the dumpster.

[harmonicon]

58. I happen to live part-time in my brother's basement, thank you very much!! (nt)

[PD Turk]

60. Why do drummers have just one more brain cell than horses?

so they don't shit in the middle of the parade

What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you can toss a banjo in the dumpster from 50 ft without hitting the sides

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead trombone player in the road?

The skunk was actually on his way to a gig!

[lindysalsagal]

66. That drummer line is low

[AnneD]

63. What do you call a Violist with a mortgage....

an optimist.

[olddots]

64. shifting to Barber Shop Quartet jokes ?????

[AnneD]

65. You heard the one about the accordion player whose car was broken in to....

He left his accordion in the car overnight and the next morning the windows were smashed and 8 accordions were left in the back seat.

[lindysalsagal]

67. LOL!!!!!!!!!