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Bad jokes! Post your bad jokes here! (Original Post) sakabatou Apr 2013 OP
Why did the robot cross the road? Paulie Apr 2013 #1
Why did the man tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? hrmjustin Apr 2013 #2
A man walked into a bar and said "ouch" krispos42 Apr 2013 #3
We call ourselves " The Aristocrats " olddots Apr 2013 #4
Knock, knock. rug Apr 2013 #5
Best Seller... "Under the Bleachers" MrMickeysMom Apr 2013 #6
Q: Why do priests wear shorts in the shower? nomorenomore08 Apr 2013 #7
Once there was a snail who was tired of being slow. HarveyDarkey Apr 2013 #8
groan nt sigmasix Apr 2013 #9
Still laughing walkerbait41 Apr 2013 #13
It is funny walkerbait41 In_The_Wind Apr 2013 #31
The Reason Jonestown Massacre Jokes were Never Popular? CBGLuthier Apr 2013 #10
What was ... AnneD Apr 2013 #29
What do you call 15 giraffes going east & 15 giraffes going west? justiceischeap Apr 2013 #11
Only in Giraffic Park HarveyDarkey Apr 2013 #14
Did you hear about the robbery last night? Scuba Apr 2013 #12
George W. Bush. tones fucyes Apr 2013 #15
GAH - you got it first Taverner Apr 2013 #25
how do know the ocean is a friendly place? fizzgig Apr 2013 #16
What do you do when your nose goes on strike? madmom Apr 2013 #17
What kind of bees make milk? Callmecrazy Apr 2013 #18
Gandhi pokerfan Apr 2013 #19
Ha! sakabatou Apr 2013 #21
Where does a crab catch a train? Populist_Prole Apr 2013 #20
two cannibals are eating a clown Bombero1956 Apr 2013 #22
An African king got trampled by a herd of wildebeasts pscot Apr 2013 #23
George W Bush Taverner Apr 2013 #24
Whaddya call a cow with no legs? kath Apr 2013 #26
Golden Seat (long but good) sakabatou Apr 2013 #27
This is a regional joke OxQQme Apr 2013 #28
LOL LOL..... AnneD Apr 2013 #30
We had food donation day at the office TrogL Apr 2013 #32
And thus the legend was born. Callmecrazy Apr 2013 #33

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
7. Q: Why do priests wear shorts in the shower?
Mon Apr 8, 2013, 03:22 AM
Apr 2013

A: They don't like looking down on the unemployed.

Q: How do you say "zombie" in French?
A: "Zombie in French."

Q: What does a vampire sing at karaoke night?
A: "Fangs for the Memories" (honorable mention: "Bela Lugosi's Dead&quot

Q: What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Cancer. (honorable mention: A pinball machine.)

 

HarveyDarkey

(9,077 posts)
8. Once there was a snail who was tired of being slow.
Mon Apr 8, 2013, 03:49 AM
Apr 2013

He went out and bought a really fast sports car and had the dealer paint a big 'S' on each side of it.
Whenever someone saw him zooming past in his new car, they would say,
"Hey, look at that S-car go"

justiceischeap

(14,040 posts)
11. What do you call 15 giraffes going east & 15 giraffes going west?
Mon Apr 8, 2013, 10:35 AM
Apr 2013

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A giraffic jam.

madmom

(9,681 posts)
17. What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
Mon Apr 8, 2013, 03:09 PM
Apr 2013

Pick it.


What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Dam(n)


What's the first letter in the word yellow?

Y?

Because I want to know.


What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

elef-ino.

pokerfan

(27,677 posts)
19. Gandhi
Mon Apr 8, 2013, 04:41 PM
Apr 2013

Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath.

He became known as a [font color="white" size="size" face="face"]super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis[/font].

(Mouse over or ctrl-A to reveal.)

Bazinga!

pscot

(21,023 posts)
23. An African king got trampled by a herd of wildebeasts
Mon Apr 8, 2013, 11:37 PM
Apr 2013

Reign called a on account of game. Ba Dum!

Another African king kept his throne up in the rafters when he wasn't using it. One night it fell on him and killed him. People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones. Ba Dum!

I got a million of em.

sakabatou

(42,083 posts)
27. Golden Seat (long but good)
Thu Apr 11, 2013, 02:53 PM
Apr 2013

One night, a wife is up late waiting for her husband to come home. ''Where have you been?'' she asks him when he walks in the door.
''Oh honey, you wouldn't believe it. I went to this new bar called the Golden Bar. It had gold ashtrays, gold stools, gold cups, and even gold toilets,'' replies her husband, who is plainly drunk. The wife thinks once about it but then goes to bed.
The next day she finds the Golden Bar's phone number and calls it up. ''Hello, is this the Golden Bar?'' she asks.
''Yes, this is, ma'am,'' replies the man on the other line.
''Yes, my husband told me about your bar and I was wondering if you would answer some questions. One, do you have golden ashtrays?''
''Yes.''
''Do you have golden stools?''
''Yes.''
''Do you have golden cups?''
''Yes.''
''Do you have golden toilets?''
There is a pause on the phone, then a couple seconds later she hears the man speak. ''Hey Jimmy,'' he calls into the bar, ''I think we found out who shit in your tuba!''

OxQQme

(2,550 posts)
28. This is a regional joke
Thu Apr 11, 2013, 03:42 PM
Apr 2013

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the possum (armadillo/deer/whatev) that it could be done.

TrogL

(32,818 posts)
32. We had food donation day at the office
Thu Apr 11, 2013, 09:21 PM
Apr 2013

We were supposed to donate some food in somebody's name and make up a story, or a song or something.

I downloaded some Gregorian Chant, stuffed it in a bag with some cans of salmon and said it provided an opportunity for....

...wait for it...

...salmon chanted evening.

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