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Bertha Venation

(21,484 posts)
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 11:59 AM Apr 2013

I am very angry with my nephew.

He was going to drive my sister to her biopsy appointment. She has to take Xanax before medical procedures, so she has to have a driver. But this morning he decided he had things to do, so she drove herself -- in the urgent hope that the Xanax she took upon arrival at the lab kicks in before her procedure begins.

I'm furious. He's 22 years old! When is he going to learn what's important?! When is he going to learn how inconsiderate something like this is? Why doesn't he realize that this is not just another doctor's appointment? I'm so mad I can't write coherently.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

13 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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I am very angry with my nephew. (Original Post) Bertha Venation Apr 2013 OP
Okay, I *love* family drama, so I have to ask -- IdaBriggs Apr 2013 #1
Answers: Bertha Venation Apr 2013 #3
I would be irritated with her, too. IdaBriggs Apr 2013 #6
Actually, he pays rent, buys food, does his own laundry Bertha Venation Apr 2013 #7
Hmm. Making it hard to be mad at either of them. IdaBriggs Apr 2013 #10
Is it possible your sister (his mother?) let him off the hook as mothers often do. hlthe2b Apr 2013 #2
Yes, exactly -- off the hook. Bertha Venation Apr 2013 #4
Sounds like when you are less emotional and clear thinking, you might want to have a hlthe2b Apr 2013 #5
I've been thinking about that. Bertha Venation Apr 2013 #8
Maybe the guy is scared out of his mind HappyMe Apr 2013 #9
Excellent point. Bertha Venation Apr 2013 #12
is she going to be able to get back ok? HipChick Apr 2013 #11
Yes. I just talked to her. Bertha Venation Apr 2013 #13
 

IdaBriggs

(10,559 posts)
1. Okay, I *love* family drama, so I have to ask --
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:03 PM
Apr 2013

Does he live with her? If so, why does she allow it? What is she doing to make sure this doesn't happen again in the future? Does he have a history of being inconsiderate and undependable?

Share, please!

Bertha Venation

(21,484 posts)
3. Answers:
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:08 PM
Apr 2013

Yes.

I don't know.

I have no idea.

Inconsiderate: yes. Undependable: rarely.

My sister is extremely permissive with both her kids. I drives me and my other sister crazy -- but it's none of our business, so we say nothing.

Heh. Drama. What else would you like to know?

 

IdaBriggs

(10,559 posts)
6. I would be irritated with her, too.
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:13 PM
Apr 2013

For letting him get away with it, especially if he is living at home rent free.

Odds are good she does his laundry. Am I right?

Also, what was the point of her letting you know about it? She realizes this makes you think less of him, right? But she would be *furious* with you if you said anything to him, right?

And she will probably not hold him accountable - grrr.

But she got your protective sister blood pressure up, so maybe she just needed to be the victim/vent?

Drama never happens unless the people involved are getting something out of it!

(Ask me about my niece in the hospital and her mother on vacation in Florida -- oh, the DRAMA!!! Lol!)

Bertha Venation

(21,484 posts)
7. Actually, he pays rent, buys food, does his own laundry
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:29 PM
Apr 2013

We don't play games, so she didn't tell me about it so it would make me mad. We were just talking and I asked "Did Al drive you?" and she told me. No malice towards him in her voice at all. she would be miffed to hear I am mad and she would say "get over it."

And she's no victim, and it wasn't even a venting thing.

Really, the only drama is here, on my end, with my co-dependence.

Tell me about your niece! What happened?

 

IdaBriggs

(10,559 posts)
10. Hmm. Making it hard to be mad at either of them.
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 01:12 PM
Apr 2013

Maybe you should still talk to him about the fact his mother might not want to worry him, but if he can't drive, then maybe he could call you so you could make sure the Xanax / car thing doesn't end badly? Lol! (Not going to work if you don't live in the area.) Still makes me feel better that it wasn't a manipulative / "poor me" victim-y thing. Plus, she gets huge props for him doing his own laundry - yeah, her!

My niece is the "if someone in authority says it, I will do the opposite!" type. She was told pregnancy would not be a good thing due to a medical condition she has that has which puts her in Beyond High Risk. Also, she was dating a Loser Unemployed Boyfriend (who she was supporting, naturally) who doesn't pay child support to his Baby Mama with his 5-year old son, and she is 20 years old with grandma footing all the bills as long as she goes to school.

Naturally, she *decided* (talked to the doctor to switch medications up decided) to get pregnant, and naturally she has been having a terrible pregnancy with multiple trips to the hospital. Two weeks ago she got put on bedrest, which has now become hospital bed rest. She is only 25-28 weeks along, and will be hospitalized for the rest of the pregnancy. (Loser Boy is still living in the apartment that Grandma is paying for, but to his credit, he is at the hospital a lot, too.)

Her Evil Mother (aka my sister) decided to keep a promise to her son for a pre-planned 5-days in Florida because it is Spring Break. This resulted in texting wars, with "F*CK Y*U - I never want to see you Evah Agin! Why aren't you here with me? I could DIE!!!!!" coming from my niece -- all of which would be a little more dramatic if she hadn't told her mother she needed to stay in a motel because the apartment (that Grandma is paying for, remember?) wasn't available to her because "too much togetherness causes us to fight."

So, if my niece DIES or Gives Birth Early or Nothing Happens, then my sister is the HEARTLESS BEEYOTCH who Went On Vacation While Her Daughter Was Hospitalized.

So far the doctors are doing their job, and it looks like she will be in the hospital for another couple of months. Hopefully.

Dun dun DUN!!!

I am staying out of it - the niece and I aren't on speaking terms over Other Drama, and this doesn't seem like a time to work out a reconciliation what with needing to keep her blood pressure down. Plus every time she starts "F*CK Y*U"-ing at my mother, I want to throttle her, so best I stay away from the mess.

My family is kind of !!!

hlthe2b

(101,728 posts)
2. Is it possible your sister (his mother?) let him off the hook as mothers often do.
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:04 PM
Apr 2013

I remember my Mom would do anything to avoid being a "burden" and until my sister and I realized that we just had to overrule her and do what we know was needed despite her protestations, we might have come across just as irresponsible and uncaring--even though we really weren't.

Alternately, not knowing the people involved or the situation, this is just speculation, but is it possible he is acting out from fear with respect to his Mom's illness/prognosis?

Bertha Venation

(21,484 posts)
4. Yes, exactly -- off the hook.
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:09 PM
Apr 2013

And yes, it could be because he is scared about the results of the biopsy, so he had to distance himself. If that's how he feels, I totally understand it. But I'm still mad.

hlthe2b

(101,728 posts)
5. Sounds like when you are less emotional and clear thinking, you might want to have a
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:11 PM
Apr 2013

calm and caring discussion with your nephew. Nothing tries a family more than illness among a loved one and sometimes the worst in one or more comes out. I can truly empathize and sympathize. I've been there.

Bertha Venation

(21,484 posts)
8. I've been thinking about that.
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:32 PM
Apr 2013

Gonna have to think about it some more. Thanks for the suggestion. I really do wonder if he's clueless about what having a biopsy means, or if he had to distance himself from it.

HappyMe

(20,277 posts)
9. Maybe the guy is scared out of his mind
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 12:35 PM
Apr 2013

about the biopsy. He might be afraid he would break down in front of her which might have stressed her out even more.

Bertha Venation

(21,484 posts)
13. Yes. I just talked to her.
Fri Apr 5, 2013, 02:09 PM
Apr 2013

She said it went fine. Her Xanax kicked in in time, and of course she checked carefully to see if she was able to drive, and she waited about a half an hour. She actually called me from Jiffy Lube! She's fine. I'm so relieved. Now we wait. Hmm.

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