Touched by cluelessness. Tell us about a time you were completely clueless. I once

[applegrove]

Last edited Tue Apr 2, 2013, 10:27 PM - Edit history (1)

got a temp job in my hometown. It was at an organization that intervened in the school and home lives of severly disturbed kids. It was way out in the boondocks. I think I was told to bring my lunch cause there was nowhere to shop for lunch. I went for a walk at lunch. There was a stripmall nearby. I wondered into a hydroponics store. I asked what people used it for. He said tomatoes. I had no idea it was for grow ops. Figured that out much later. I hope I didn't make it onto some list somewhere of possible grow op operators. LOL!

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. We used to refer to ours as "Australian tomatoes". I don''t know why - it seemed funny--

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... at the time.
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EVERYTHING seemed funny at the time.
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[bluedigger]

2. A friend and I walked into a hole in the wall bar in Scranton one time.

We sat down at the bar and ordered our beers from the shirtless, leather vested bartender. Sat there talking for a while, and then I got up to use the restroom. I forget exactly what tipped me off, maybe the pink triangle stickers on the condom dispenser...

I came back to the bar and said, "Earl, I think this is a gay bar." "Really?" "Yeah, I'm pretty sure." "Oh. Another beer?" "Sure."

[Chellee]

3. In 1977 I was eleven years old. And sheltered, apparently.

The Village People had just become popular. I was completely in love with the construction worker guy. I just knew if I could go to a concert, our eyes would meet across the stage and he would want to be my boyfriend and we would hang out and go to the movies and it would be wonderful.

My mother said that that was not likely to happen. I assumed because of the difference in our ages.

It was a couple of years before I figured out that probably wouldn't be the ONLY reason why he wouldn't be interested in me.

[nomorenomore08]

7. Wasn't at least one of the Village People dudes straight?

I thought I remembered that from somewhere...

[Chellee]

9. Really??

You think I should have gone to a concert?

Nah... I still would have been too young for him. And it may not have been him, maybe it was the cop or the cowboy. Well... probably not the cowboy.

[nomorenomore08]

10. I have no idea which one it was. But I could've sworn I read an article or two.

nt

[CrawlingChaos]

19. HA! I was going to say EXACTLY the same thing

I was a teenager during their heyday and I had no clue whatsoever about the Village People.

Whenever I mention this to anyone, they always say "you're kidding".

[Kennah]

4. About 15 years ago, wife and I had just moved to Miami, Florida

Coworker told me that it could sometimes be raining cats and dogs around Doral, west of the airport, but sunny at the beach. Moral to the story, if it was raining, give the beach a shot.

So it's Saturday and raining. We drive to Miami Beach, and it's still cloudy and overcast, but only lightly raining at times. We drive all over Miami Beach. Lots of very cool Art Deco stuff. Anyway, it's November, it's 70 degrees, and we've just moved there from the D.C. area. This still feels pretty close to heaven.

We walk on the beach for a bit, in the surf barefoot, then the wind really starts whipping and sand smacking one in the face sucks. So we go take refuge in a restaurant on the street level of an Ocean Drive hotel for cappuccinos. Ah, now this is relaxing.

Wife and I are just chatting and people watching. After a while, I'm thinking, "Sure are a lot of men around here." I see a couple of men walking holding hands, so I'm thinking, "Oh, they're cool with gay men down here." A few more minutes goes by, my brain is working the numbers, and then I think, "Oooooooooh, I know where I am."

Anytime I shared this with a coworker, they would say, "Didn't anyone tell you ..." and I would interrupt them, "Nope." They would pause a moment composed, and then almost bust a gut laughing.

[bluedigger]

5. I'm starting to see a common theme in cluelessness here.

[Kennah]

13. There was another one, probably a week after the beach

Job was at Carnival Cruise Lines, and when I got hired one of the managers had said to me, "Most of the men here are gay, and most of the women are young, single, and good looking." I took it as "If you need to take valium to be in an office with gay men, maybe you want to reconsider working here." Apparently not everyone took the hint as there were a couple of severe homophobes in the office. Of course, the other interpretation is, "If you're open to opportunity, there's a lot here."

So anyway I go wandering down the hall looking for the fax machine with directions of "down there", I stop, and I'm looking all around, and I'm just not seeing it. Some guy walking by realizes I'm lost and asks, "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I'm looking for the fax machine." "Oh, it's over here." "OK, thanks." We chitchat a little while I use the fax and as I walk back to my desk. Nice guy. Friendly and welcoming, but most people there were.

As I get back to my desk, a coworker, whom we'll call Susan, comes scurrying over to my desk and says, "You've got an admirer." Wife and I were recently married, so I was in a habit at that time of noticing wedding bands on people, and this guy had one. I say, "What? No. The guy had on a ring." as I pointed at my wedding band. Susan says, "That doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means to everyone." "Really?" "Yes, really." I'm replaying our conversation, and I say, "Ooooh, you're right. He WAS hitting on me." I was kinda proud.

It became somewhat entertaining at times to have men hit on me, which only made me think, "Gawd, do ALL men sound that ridiculously obvious when we're hitting on someone?" There was this one particular admirer, really was a nice guy, who dubbed me "El Lobo". What can I say except I got it going on.

[MiddleFingerMom]

6. Both of us 17-year-old rosy-cheeked innocent smalltown Midwestern boys...

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... my buddy and I headed into Louisville KY on a 3-day Easter weekend pass in our
dress green uniforms (we were in Basic Training and not allowed to have civilian
clothes).
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Suddenly, this fastback Mustang screeches to a stop at the curb near us and these
two kinda pretty late-twenties-early-thirties-something women hop out, approach us
and ask if we want a date.
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Both my buddy and I confessed to each other later that we were so clueless that we
both thought we looked so irresistibly sharp in our uniforms that these women wanted
to take us to dinner and a movie (we both declined). This was Good Friday.
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On Easter Sunday, we were out-and-about- and bored to tears (midtown Louisville
was undergoing MAJOR renovations and no one was coming into the city at that
point). We're approached by these two cute girls about our age and they ask if we're
alone and when we nodded, asked us if we wanted to come to a big Easter dinner at
their house.
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Oh, HELLS yeah!!!
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Turns out they were walking point for a group of Christians and thought we might
be interested in being saved. They were GREAT, friendly, fun folks who were not
into any hardcore sales pitches at all. Once we told tham "No, thanks", they didn't
push us at all and we enjoyed dinner immensely. There was even a young traveling
preacher who put on a FUNNY show after dinner with his ventriloquist dummy.
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We had been approached by both ends of the spectrum... and were equally as
clueless in both cases.
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When we got back to the barracks, we had the winning "weekend pass story", for sure!!!
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[nomorenomore08]

8. Sometimes I think I've been clueless nearly every day of my life.

But I learn, slowly, over time.

[Kali]

11. that area in Amarillo Texas

the hotel we stopped at. asked if we could take the dog in with us. whatever. the woman at the convenience store who asked the husband if he was looking for a date, sugar? the red walls of the room. the mirror on the ceiling. hmmm maybe that is why the clerk was puzzeled about us wanting the room for a whole night.

[Flaxbee]

29. reminds me of a Russian friend of mine, living here with his wife for a few years. Her mother came

to visit, and they decided to take a road trip on Thanksgiving weekend -- had a hard time finding a hotel near DC -- finally found one and the proprietor thought Eugene was the biggest perv for asking if the room was big enough for his mother in law.

Eugene loves to tell that story.

[Kennah]

12. For this one, I can claim age, but my parents, not so much.

My parents took me and my brother to NYC. Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, even walking around the streets of NY. I was probably 10, my brother was 7, and we each had hold of either Mom or Dad's hand. I looked over, and I saw a group of people gathered around a show of sort kind happening on a cardboard box, perhaps a magic show. I tugged in their direction, but Dad tugged me back and said, "Keep walking". I asked, "What are they doing?" My Dad said, "Nothing, don't look." The image was very clear, but I didn't understand it. It was only years later that I learned about Three Card Monte.

[HipChick]

14. I walked in on my parents

Dad was helping mum breathe - at least I still knew that planes dropped babies off...that where they came from

[mythology]

15. I was driving home from work one night

It's cold and rainy and dark and I see a woman standing outside, looking rather forlorn. So I pull over and offer her a ride. She suggests we go back to my place and I'm still mind-numbingly oblivious and say that there's no reason for her to go there, but if she needs a ride to get out of the rain, I'd be happy to take her where she needed to go. She looks at me and then suggests that we could get a room in the motel she was standing outside of.

At this point even my sometimes dull brain kicks in and I hastily retreated. Sadly, I'm so oblivious when it comes to women that even a prostitute is too subtle for me. Fortunately I've grown to be okay with being a hermit.

[Rowdyboy]

16. I was jumping through hoops to get a job as a medical ward clerk when (1975, I was a college junior)

I dashed into a bathroom stall at our local university medical center (never noticed the lack of urinals-I was in a hurry!). My first indication of trouble was when I saw high heels under the neighboring stall.

After she hurriedly left , I got the hell out of Dodge! While it doesn't seem like much now, a young guy did not want to get caught in a women's bathroom back then.

[cliffordu]

17. I joined the Army at 17 because they told me if I did, I'd be guaranteed to go to GERMANY!!!!!

So I signed right up.


This was in 1969.

Nine months of training stateside, I get travel orders to Vietnam.

I went to complain about my promise for Germany.

The Officer that talked to me told me of COURSE, I was STILL guaranteed to go to Germany.

Just as soon as I got done going to Vietnam.

That was the first day that MY mileage varied......

[Doc_Technical]

18. I've been clueless since day one.

Last edited Wed Apr 3, 2013, 06:12 PM - Edit history (1)

I have a difficult time understanding unspoken communications, hints, innuendos, euphemisms,
colloquiums, double ententes, reading between the lines, getting the drift,
seeing what you mean, catching your meaning, putting two and two together,
etc. etc.
I have noticed that many people often don't mean what they say or
say what they don't mean.
It's like being on a planet where everyone is telepathic except me.
In order to understand what's going on I have to be quite
literal, which I find, annoys the hell out of many people because
they think I do know what's going on but I'm just being a smart ass.
It seems that people often change the subject of conversation quickly
and I have a difficult time trying to keep up.

Thank Grid for the internets!

[raccoon]

21. Me too! Now that I'm in my 60's I'm FINALLY figuring it out. Well, some of it, anyway. nt

[talkingmime]

20. Age 19. Paragon, College Park, MD. Beer was legal at 18 back then. Halloween night.

They weren't all that strict about IDs at the time, but I was 19 so I could get beer. I was in a devil costume I made myself. No undies, so the unit was rather prominant, well, rock solid actually. It was a rather sheer material. I had seven or so college girls dancing with me.

Anyway, the clueless part was after 8 or so beers, and a couple of mixed drinks, going up to the 22 year old bartender (FOX FROM HELL - I'd have fucked her six ways from Sunday if she'd have let me) and asking for a slow comfortable screw (slo gin, southern comfort, vodka, and orange juice). THEN she asked for my ID. I backed off and just got another beer. The chicks on the dance floor were still there.

Sadly and inexplicably, I didn't get laid that night. Drunk all to hell, I climbed up onto a stone entranceway pillar to the main college road and sat there yelling, "Can I get you anything for your soul?" at anyone who came by. I heard a lot of screams that night.

Two or so days later, I woke up naked on the floor of my apartment. I honestly don't know how I ended up naked.

[RobinA]

22. One More

on the common theme.

I hated my job and most of the people in it. I had to get away at lunchtime, so I'd buy a sandwich and take a book to a nearby county park that we used to go on outings to as Girl Scouts. I picked this place near some parking places that was sort of sloped with trees overhead, but the ground was cleared. There was an uncleared woods just in back. There were a bunch of picnic tables on the slope. I'd park and sit at a picnic table, eat and read by book. I did this all summer. There were usually some guys sitting around at the picnic tables, one guy per table. The same guys would often be there. How nice, I thought, retired guys taking in the summer by sitting in the park under the trees, beats watching TV all day. The thing I noticed but didn't really dwell on was that by time I was leaving they were usually all gone. Weird, since retired guys don't have a lunch hour to adhere to. One time towards the end of summer I saw two of the guys walking out of the woods together. Interesting, I thought, you don't usually see two guys together like that, men are always so afraid somebody will think they're gay. It slowly washes over me...I'm lunching in the middle of some kind of pick-up spot. I figured the reason they had all left by the end of my lunch was that I was upsetting the milieu, so I never went back. I couldn't really figure why I bothered them, though (if I did). I wasn't really watching whatever was going on (obviously), I was pretty much eating and reading.

[applegrove]

30. I‘m someone who often would eat

lunch away from coworkers. Not because I hate them but because I am too shy and need to renew my batteries by being alone. Unless I am with a talkative friend I‘m not good at making conversation.

[LiberalEsto]

23. Kindergarten. Paterson NJ. 1957. Didn't speak a word of English.

Why were the teachers making us all stand and put hands on our chests and say strange words to this piece of red, white and blue cloth on a tall stick?

[kwassa]

24. Early 70s we did a road trip to Provincetown

I am in college in Rhode Island, a naive kid from the midwest.

We stop in a bar there, get some drinks. I am a guy traveling with my male college roommates.

Out on the floor are all these other young guys doing this amazing synchronized line dance. Someone tells me that it is called "The Hustle".

I go to the bathroom, I really need to take a leak. I stand at a urinal. Plastered on the walls and ceiling all around the urinal are color magazine photos of very naked men in various, uh, stages of excitement.

Oh.

[sir pball]

25. PTown?

We went there in 6th grade to go whalewatching, honest to Dog...that was not the brightest of adult ideas.

[bluedigger]

27. "Whale watching"?

Somebody had a big ego...

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

26. I was in Junior High in the 1960s and saw Hayley Mills in Disney's Summer Magic

and after that I spent the rest of the summer checking out books on acting from the public library and reading and acting out various roles in published stage plays, thinking I could run away to Hollywood, become a famous actor, meet her on the set of a film, and live happily-ever-after.

[Art_from_Ark]

28. I was pretty clueless thinking that I could go to the Big City

and find a decent-paying job