Jokes my brother sends me - church bulletin edition
You have probably seen many of these before, but how about a summer rerun?
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced at church services:
*—————————————*
*The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. *
*--------------------------*
*Scouts* *are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children. *
*--------------------------*
*The sermon this morning: * *'Jesus Walks on the Water.'* *The sermon
tonight
*'Searching for Jesus.' *
*-------------------------- *
*Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.*
*--------------------------*
*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.*
*-------------------------- *
*Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.*
*-------------------------- *
*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.*
*-------------------------- *
*Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.*
*-------------------------- *
*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days. *
*-------------------------- *
*A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.*
*-------------------------- *
*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.*
*--------------------------*
*Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.*
*-------------------------- *
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.*
*-------------------------- *
*The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility. *
*--------------------------*
*Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.*
*-------------------------- *
*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. *
*-------------------------- *
*This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. *
*-------------------------- *
*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.*
*-------------------------- *
*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door. *
*--------------------------*
*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.*
*-------------------------- *
*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance. *
*------------------------*
*And this one just about sums them all up * *The Associate Minister
unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge -
Up Yours.'*]
= new reply since forum marked as read
and he showed it to me. The front said “I Upped My Pledge” the back said “Up Yours”
I really needed a few good laughs this afternoon.
Awarded to any post that actually makes me Laugh Out Loud. Laughed at several of them. Thanks!
