A Confession: I have broken the rules.

[MineralMan]

My conscience has required me to make a public confession as a means of partially atoning for my misdeed.

Two years ago, my wife and I visited the Minnesota Zoo. It is a rather nice zoo, although the enclosures are large enough, and have enough hiding places, that it's not uncommon to walk a good distance on its trails and not see any animals at all. Those unseen animals, however, are probably watching the human visitors, which calls into question who is actually in a cage. But, that is not the point of my confession.

During our visit, we approached an enclosure for the Zoo's exhibit of Moose. The trail led to a very nicely built wooden observation platform. Since I make a point of looking about in all directions, I could not help noticing a prominently displayed sign, with lettering that met the ADA requirements for font size, and included braille lettering as well. It read, "DO NOT TOUCH THE MOOSE!"

Shortly after I read the sign, what should appear but the head of a very large male moose. Its head was extended over the railing of the observation platform, right next to where I was standing. I was struck by the sheer size of this animal and its head, but was not fearful, even when the moose nudged my arm with its nose, its hot breath tangible on my bare skin.

It repeated this nudging behavior. I considered the behavior for a moment, noting that the moose was touching me, and wondering if that was allowed by the rules of the zoo. That was the moment that I offended by violating the clear order on the sign. I lifted my arm, moved it over the moose's head and firmly scritched the moose between its rather large ears. The moose grunted, so I stopped, and began to withdraw my arm. Unexpectedly, the moose bumped my hand upward with its nose. Familiar with that behavior from my cats, I took it as an invitation to repeat the scritching. I repeated it several times, and the moose grunted in response each time.

While I was engaging in this prohibited behavior, a mother with two young children walked onto the observation platform. The children observed my quasi-illegal behavior and approached the place where I was standing. The mother, however, in a stern command voice said, "THE SIGN SAYS DO NOT TOUCH THE MOOSE! DO NOT DO WHAT THAT MAN IS DOING!" That was when I realized that I had offended greatly. Hanging my head in shame, I left the observation platform with my wife.

To compensate for my offense, I later sent a donation to the Minnesota Zoo, but my guilt was not assuaged. So, I'm confessing here, in hopes that I will be able to rid myself of that guilt, once and for all.

I beg of you all, if you happen to visit the Minnesota Zoo: DO NOT TOUCH THE MOOSE! Save yourself from the torment I have experienced. Rules, after all, are meant to be followed to the letter.

[LiberalEsto]

1. While you're at it,

"Don't tuch the butt"

[trotsky]

4. LMAO! n/t

[Bobbie Jo]

5. Yes!

[MineralMan]

9. That is excellent advice, indeed!

[msanthrope]

18. You have to post the thread, you dingbat!

To the jury...It is well-known DU fact that Robb is a dingbat. Ask Skinner.

[hfojvt]

37. that isn't Robb

although they use the same avatar apparently.

[msanthrope]

41. Then I wear the dingbat crown today! You're right... it's the avatar and old eyes. nt

[ZombieHorde]

27. This is why I never wipe. nt

[Eleanors38]

63. I don't bother going.

[WinkyDink]

46. Beat me to it!

[Warren DeMontague]

81. you could tase the moose's bro's butt

and save yourself a world of trouble.

[Fumesucker]

2. You mentioned the other day that you were wasting time on DU when you should be working

This might be one of those times.

[MineralMan]

3. Why thank you. As it happens, my morning hour of DUing

is just about up, so I will be turning to my work in due time. The reminder you offer, though, is very welcome, and I thank you for reading my thread.

[Fumesucker]

6. I proclaim you, Suh, an honorary Southerner in spirit

[MineralMan]

8. You're too kind, bless your heart.

nt

[siligut]

11. I am so glad you used that hour to tell us a sweet, fun story

That moose had you sized-up as a rule breaker from the start

[MineralMan]

19. Moose are smart that way.

[Warpy]

128. A rule breaker and cat owner who knew how to scritch ears

I imagine the sign was aimed more at doofuses with food than ear scritchers. I imagine withholding food while scritching a moose would result in different behavior.

[TeeYiYi]

7. Cool story bro...

No, seriously... I totally enjoyed your story. Especially the part where the moose bumped your hand up. I have two cats so I recognized the gesture.

After two years, I hope you can finally purge your guilt.

TYY

[randome]

10. I feel the same way when I cross the street on a red light when children are present.

If I'm not in a hurry, I'll wait.

[hfojvt]

39. somebody once told me

that in Germany and Europe they will not jaywalk, but that they will in America.

So now, wherever I walk against the red light, I always think "I am an American!"

[randome]

58. I'm sure that's what SHE was thinking, too!

[Dash87]

12. You MONSTER!

Go apologize to that moose right now.

[malaise]

13. ROFL

You made my morning

[MineralMan]

26. 'Twas my pleasure. nt

[surrealAmerican]

14. Well, you did set a bad example for those children ...

... but they hopefully learned a valuable lesson: don't do something just because you see an adult do it.

[MineralMan]

20. Well, I'm sure they learned some lesson or another.

In reality, they wouldn't have been able to reach the moose, anyhow.

[IdaBriggs]

15. "Up the stairs, Down the slide!" is the mother's playground battle cry.

Thanks to the "tubes" in fast food children's playrooms, kids get really comfortable going "up" plastic slide surfaces; this only becomes a problem when they start trying to climb "up" the slide on the playground which is NOT safe/allowed. The problems range from "getting rammed by someone coming DOWN the slide" to "being a bad example for the younger kids" - and so we cruel and evil mothers enforce the school yard rule of "UP the stairs, DOWN the slide!"

Yes, yes, your darling ten year old boy is fully capable of "climbing up the slide" and obviously it looks like a great deal of fun; unfortunately, it is dangerous for the four year old to "ram" into him when she is actually obeying the rules, and coming down, and no one wants the three year old "monkey-boy" who *cannot* climb a slide safely to try to imitate him.

If you don't "follow the rules", the rest of the playground mommies *will* "remind" your child about the safety rules (usually clearly posted, and enforced by playground monitors at their elementary school as well). Best for all if GOOD habits involving everyone's safety are followed even if they seem a little silly to the older, more capable kids.

I am glad the moose did not injure you, and that you had the presence of mind to stop your behavior when it was witnessed by impressionable youth; their mother was not just "showing them zoo animals" but also undoubtedly working to educate them on "respecting WILD animals/not behaving as if they are household pets" which is a safety issue we can only hope will keep them safe from unauthorized contact with "friendly/cute/non-domesticated" critters in the future. Good for her for giving you that moment of clarity/embarrassment.



I at you, give one and then offer one since you are penitent/have donated to the Zoo.

Go forth and commit the sin of no more.

[MineralMan]

21. I applaud your creative use of emoticons.

[IdaBriggs]

135. Thank you.

I love emoticons.

[CTyankee]

45. I have to second your response, Ida. As adults, it is our duty to model good behavior in front

of kids. We can't always think of OUR wants and needs.

I have to say that Mineral Man was lucky he wasn't in the Bronx zoo or any other New York zoo. He would've had LOTS of mothers in his face so fast he'd have to beat it for the exits! New Yorkers will tell you (LOUDLY) "where's his hat?" if your kid is bareheaded on a windy day. I know from experience...

[IdaBriggs]

136. Appreciate that! I think he is just trying to start a fairly innocuous thread.

With the intent of seeing how far people will push it. It is an entertaining thread - everyone "knows" he shouldn't have done it, but the "rebel thrill" of being a "rule breaker" is bringing out the goof in people since it apparently ended harmlessly.

I tossed in my two cents because he added the mom/children into the story - not everyone pays attention to *all* the lessons we parents try to teach, so I just wanted to remind him that "don't touch wild animals" was one we moms struggle with (especially when they are so cute).

I love your "where's his hat?" story!

[RobinA]

117. Quite the Bunch

of well-behaved automatons here. Sheesh, shoot me now, there is truly no hope.

Thanks for the story, as appalling as some of the replies may be.

[IdaBriggs]

137. Not sure if you think the mom in the story (and thus those of us who support her)

are the "well-behaved automatons" or you are referring in a sarcastic way to the people who are laughing at MineralMan's rebellious ways?

My children are animal lovers; if we weren't having the "wild animal" discussion regularly, my house would be infested with wild bunnies, ducks, possums, and the momma raccoon would still be raising her babies in my chimney.

[tblue37]

16. Mr. Moose's handlers probably do that for him frequently, which is how he knows

that he likes it and that there is a way to request the scritch from nearby humans.

I would not have been able to resist, either.

[MineralMan]

22. No doubt. I bet they give the moose treats, too.

That is also not allowed. I would never do that, even if I had an apple in my pocket.

[SomeGuyInEagan]

84. Sounds like entrapment to me ...

... at least that is how I would play it in Zoo Court.

[Auntie Bush]

130. The handlers must have known the moose likes to get petted or they wouldn't

have put up that sign. You don't see any, "Don't touch the gorilla signs."

[randome]

17. And now, pleading for the defense, Bob Keeshan.

[Phentex]

23. LOL!

I loved that show.

[randome]

25. Captain Kangaroo was the 'Mister Rogers' of his time.

[busterbrown]

86. He was too boring for me...

Ding Dong School... Now she was hot!!!

[Phentex]

94. that was before my time...

[randome]

103. What about Miss Lois of Romper Room fame?

Many were the times I imagined 'romping' with her and her 'magic mirror'.

Good times...

[busterbrown]

88. No way..

Ding Dong School.... All the way with Miss Francis...
Now, she was hot... I loved her...


http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=6R2yqCslx1e2xM&tbnid=YIeG4plvaXAXeM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.richsamuels.com%2Fnbcmm%2Fdingdong%2Fvideodownload.html&ei=cfZ_Ue2HHaixiQLQ_4EI&psig=AFQjCNGNClmGf5mXhGUiBhqqbESNhmdYBA&ust=1367427057526639

[MineralMan]

24. Actually, I was thinking of hiring Rocky the Squirrel.

But no charges were filed in my case.

[House of Roberts]

28. Then you could have called Professor Peabody

as an expert witness!

[MineralMan]

49. Brilliant!

[Gidney N Cloyd]

32. The moose was clearly lining MineralMan up in the right spot to drop pingpong balls on him.

It's a well-known moose trick. Thank goodness that mom and her kids happened along.

[nolabear]

35. Shoot! Beat me to it!

Downthread.

[ZombieHorde]

29. Filthy moose toucher!

I used to think evil was subjective, but now I realize just how wrong I have been!

[lpbk2713]

30. Say five Hail Bullwinkles and all will be forgiven.

Go in peace and sin no more.

[freshwest]

106. +1

[markiv]

31. i think you'r just trying to rationalize your moose-touching behavior

and that you are in denial about what you have done, and are projecting the offense onto a young mother you considered to be overly stern, a mother who just just trying to raise her children right

if you do ever decide to take this seriously, and accept that moose touching is a disease, there are 12 step moose toucher programs available

please....get help

[redqueen]

36. I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread...

and especially this reply... moose toucher...

[MineralMan]

51. Moose Toucher! Cheeky Monkey!

I am chastened.

[markiv]

78. deadpan humor has long been my vice

and more than once, i've had someone get really angry at me for saying something like that with a straight face, so i've become far more carefull in person, it's not my intention to hurt anyone

[JaneFordA]

33. Yip, I did something sort of similar... ;-)

By stretching as faaaaaaaaaaar as I could so I could touch a tiger tail. Well, he had no business sticking it out of the cage, right? It was one of those "impossible to resist" moments.

Yes, it could have ended badly. But... 33 years later I still don't care that I broke the rule(s).

That tiger tail felt like indoor-outdoor carpet, by the way. Not at all soft and silky like domestic cat tails.

--Jane the Sinneress.

[Auntie Bush]

132. You're lucky you didn't get peed on!

Never let a tiger turn his back on you!

Not many people can say they petted a tiger tail or know what they feel like. Good for you!

[nolabear]

34. What? No ping pong balls?

[Skink]

38. The moose dared you

probably waits by the sign all day.

[randome]

40. I think this was the moose in question.

[Eleanors38]

68. They're NMA trolls! Blocking hiways in search of moose scratchers.

[Buzz Clik]

42. Bad, bad, MineralMan!

We're gonna have to put you down.

Sorry.

You'll be missed, but rules is rules.

[vduhr]

43. Don't feel guilty.

It's quite clear that the moose started it. The zoo should put up a sign for the moose, "do not touch the humans".

[TrogL]

44. A Møøse once bit my sister ...

No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink".

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

[WinkyDink]

47. First of all, that mother was acting properly. Secondly, many a person has regretted "reading the

mind" of an animal, wild or domestic. "Please scratch my snout" could've been "Please let me bite your hand."

Maybe you done good; but maybe you were lucky.

[MineralMan]

55. Well, of course she was. In addition, she was making sure

her children learned to read the signs. That's an important skill in today's complex world.

[MrScorpio]

48. I touched a moose once. I pissed him off, I thought, when he started chasing me

He followed me until I tripped and fell.

I covered up my head as he stood over me, I thought that I was done for.

But to my surprise, he gently tapped me on the shoulder and bent down to whisper something in my ear.

Do you want to know what he said?









"You're it."

[randome]

54. Brilliant!

[Eleanors38]

70. Good one!

[JustAnotherGen]

50. Hey

It couldn't be helped! The moose was actually touching you! Just like the white face monkey in Costa Rica that kid you I not . . . shook my husband's hand in Costa Rica last week.

[magical thyme]

52. Moose can be quite dangerous

especially during rutting season. And wild animals can change from friendly to threatened and nuts in an instant, for reasons you may not be aware of.

The mother was right in telling her children to not touch the moose. Your experience could have turned out quite differently. Just sayin'

[MineralMan]

57. Yes. That moose was exceptionally aggressive, too,

in insisting that he had an itch that needed scritching.

[WinkyDink]

61. Good thing you communicated so well, Rocky.

[RKP5637]

53. You would quickly make great friends with my cat! n/t

[MineralMan]

59. Cats in general seem to like me.

I'm not sure why that is. At a garage sale I was at, an enormous ginger tabby cat at the sale walked up to me as I browsed. I scritched its head between the ears, since I have learned that cats seem to enjoy that gesture. The cat immediately flopped over onto its back, so I gave it a tummy rub.

The woman running the garage sale said, "She never lets anyone do that." I replied, "Apparently not."

[RKP5637]

62. Cats are often an extremely good judge of character! n/t

[MineralMan]

64. That's true, but a cat exposing its belly

may not be soliciting a belly rub at all. I've learned that at great cost to the skin on the back of my hand. However, how can one resist? I certainly can't.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

79. That maneuver is sometimes called the Venus Cat Trap.

They are enticing you to rub that irresistible furry belly so they can grab your hand and flay off all the skin.

[Kali]

101. ha

love it (got one of those in the house)

[RKP5637]

95. Mine demands kisses on his belly, a belly rub and hot air kisses on his back and neck. He picked me

out when he was a tiny lost kitten as his significant other or whatever years ago! Our vet finds him amazing. I was leary at first, but he demands it! Now, it's just old hat.

[frazzled]

56. You laugh, but you were really wrong to do this

especially in front of children.

I had this argument a quarter-century ago with my husband when we took our then-young children to another zoo in another town. There was a "Do Not Feed the Animals" sign clearly posted on the fence (can't remember which animals we were looking at: was it bears, was it deer?). Were people throwing popcorn and crackers in and watching how cute it was for the animals to eat them? Absolutely. And my husband could not resist doing the same.

"Didn't you see the sign?" I asked. "No biggie," he responded, noting that others were doing so too. I explained that whether he agreed with the sign or not (and he should have, because it can make the animals sick), it's his obligation to obey the rules, and to teach our kids that you obey rules, whether or not you agree with them. If you find a rule wrong, then protest it by writing or demonstrating or whatever. But disregarding rules, be they at the zoo or sneaking a left turn at a no-left-turn intersection—or not paying your taxes fairly or committing a criminal act—is wrong. We want our children to obey rules at school and in society, and it starts with something as simple as not feeding the animals at the zoo.

Moose are very dangerous animals. Your disregard of the sign could have led that woman's children to think (1) that rules are not really rules and that you can break them as you see fit, and (2) that it would be okay for them to touch the moose. Someone could have been hurt, and those kids could have been taught a lifelong (negative) lesson in transgressing social pacts.

[MineralMan]

60. Yes, indeed. As you see, I am confessing

my transgression publicly. too. I shall endeavor to follow all signage in the future. Thank you very much.

[BainsBane]

65. 7 years from now

Someone on DU will bring this up just to spite you.

[MineralMan]

107. Well, I'm thankful there's no Meta in which to do it.

There is always something for which to be thankful.

[Samantha]

66. Shame on you, shame on you

I loved your story. Shame on me, shame on me.

Sam

[tblue]

67. Say two Hail Rockys and ten Our Bullwinkles

for your pennance.

[Apophis]

69. Is this for real?

I wasted a couple minutes reading this.

[840high]

71. I want to touch the Moose.

[DevonRex]

99. So do I!!!

I am sooo jealous!!!

[Ikonoklast]

72. What is "scratching the Moose" a euphemism for?

You darn kids, I am so out of touch these days.

[rrneck]

73. You might consider attending meetings at Moose Touchers Anonymous. nt

[randome]

75. They also have group bike rides.

[rrneck]

76. Gah!

[Javaman]

74. "Do Not Touch The Moose" was the name of my Rush Cover band in college. nt

[MichaelSoE]

77. did they have a sign ... do not throw poo back at the monkeys?

[MineralMan]

108. I don't know. I am afraid of the monkey section.

I'm always tempted to say, "Hey, cousin" to them and that would incur the wrath of any fundamentalist new-Earth creationists in the vicinity. The poo-flinging would just add insult to the injury, I'm sure.

[Robyn66]

80. I loved that story!

I have been in a bit of a dark mood lately and that story was just what I needed!!!
Thank you!!!

[MineralMan]

109. That makes me happy, truly!

[Warren DeMontague]

82. Is this some kind of euphemistic sexual anecdote?

just wonderin'.

[randome]

102. If so, what would 'antlers' indicate? Eh! Guess I really don't want to know.

[Warren DeMontague]

104. "Excuse Me, Mr. Culver- I forget what these peppers represent"

[MineralMan]

110. ZOMG! Where did that come from?

I did not have sexual intercourse with that moose....Mr. Bullwinkle.

[Warren DeMontague]

129. A denial is really just an affirmation.... in another language.

"Well what kind of chance does that give me?"

[heaven05]

83. momma was

right. Kids not old enough to touch wild animals. But I applaud you for being human. I would have 'scritched", cute word, the moose too.

[R B Garr]

85. The problem is that you live in Minnesota

In California they enourage interaction with the animals such as the Santa Barbara Zoo where they have a platform that is head high to the giraffes so you can feed them. They even have a feeding schedule so all the wannabe giraffe feeders can line up and give the critters some lettuce or other goodies. I regret not waiting in that line, but it was a trip to watch! The giraffe tongues just keep stretching out longer and longer and longer to get every scrap!

At least you did not argue with the moose like this man did with this goat. I think someone on this site posted this before. It's hilarious.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Dp0Bt2cbcc8

[Baitball Blogger]

87. If people in my community had the ability to be as conscience stricken as you are,

there would be seppuku rituals practiced on a weekly basis.

[Demoiselle]

89. I'm surprised that the platform was constructed so that you could actually reach the moose

easily and he you. (Here kid, hold this box of matches for me...but DON'T play with them! ) Now if you'd had to hook your feet around the platform and suspend yourself to reach the moose...THEN I'd say your were foolish. And if Mr. M was that adept at soliciting caresses, you certainly weren't the first human to succumb.

[MineralMan]

112. Indeed. That struck me, too.

Perhaps the enclosure was previously used for pigmy moose only. The one I touched had no problem putting his head over the railing. I am certain that it did that often during the day.

[MrScorpio]

90. A Møøse once bit my sister…

Mønti Pythøn lk den Hølie Grailen

Røtern nik Akten Di

Wik

Alsø wik

Alsø alsø wik

Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yer?

See the løveli lakes

The wonderful telephøne system

And mani interesting furry animals

The Producers would like to thank The Forestry Commission
Doune Admissions Ltd, Keir and Cowdor Estates, Stirling
University, and the people of Doune for their help in the
making of this film.
The Characters and incidents portrayed and the names used
are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters,
or history of any person is entirely accidental and
unintentional.
Signed RICHARD M. NIXON

Including the majestic møøse

A Møøse once bit my sister ...

No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse
with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and
star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst
Nordfink".

We apologise for the fault in the
subtitles. Those responsible have been
sacked.

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those
responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked
have been sacked.

Møøse trained by TUTTE HERMSGERVORDENBROTBORDA

Special Møøse Effects OLAF PROT
Møøse Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILL
Møøse Choreographed by HORST PROT III
Miss Taylor's Møøses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME
Møøse trained to mix
concrete and sign com-
plicated insurance
forms by JURGEN WIGG
Møøses' noses wiped by BJORN IRKESTOM-SLATER WALKER

Large møøse on the left
half side of the screen
in the third scene from
the end, given a thorough
grounding in Latin,
French and "O" Level
Geography by BO BENN

Suggestive poses for the
Møøse suggested by VIC ROTTER
Antler-care by LIV THATCHER

The directors of the firm hired to
continue the credits after the other
people had been sacked, wish it to
be known that they have just been
sacked.

The credits have been completed
in an entirely different style at
great expense and at the last
minute.

Executive Producer
JOHN GOLDSTONE & "RALPH" The Wonder Llama

The Producers would like to thank The Forestry Commission
Doune Admissions Ltd, Keir and Cowdor Estates, Stirling
University, and the people of Doune for their help in the
making of this film.
The Characters and incidents portrayed and the names used
are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters,
or history of any person is entirely accidental and
unintentional.
Signed RICHARD M. NIXON
JOHN GOLDSTONE & "RALPH" The Wonder Llama
EARL J. LLAMA
MIKE Q. LLAMA III
SY LLAMA
MERLE Z. LLAMA IX
Directed By
40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS
6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS
142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS
14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)
REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON
76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS NEARE PARAGUAY
and
TERRY GILLIAM AND TERRY JONES

[Taverner]

91. Don't tuch the but either

[Martin Eden]

92. My Tragic Encounter with a Moose

I too have a confession to make.

Early morning mid-September 2008 I was driving with my friend Eddie from Grand Portage Minnestota to the dock where we were catching the boat ride to Isle Royale for a 5 day backpacking trek, when we spotted a full grown bull moose standing by the side of the highway. I slowed down and stopped, but before I could train my camera on this magnificent creature it bounded back into the woods.

Slightly disappointed I didn't get the pic but stoked by the encounter, I resumed driving and just as I got back up to speed a squirrell darted across the road. I tried braking but it happened too quickly and I couldn't avoid crushing the poor little thing under my tires, tragically ending ending the life of this cute forest creature.

My confession?
As soon as I realized what happened, I turned to Eddie and said in my best Boris Badenov impression "Ve got Moose AND Squirrell!"

Am I a bad person for making light of this tragedy?

[Auntie Bush]

133. YES

[brooklynite]

93. Any overdue library books to confess to?

And are all of your matress tags intact?

[Amaril]

96. While you need neither......

....my absolution nor condemnation, perhaps you will take comfort in the knowledge that I, too, would have scritched the moose & felt horribly guilty about it when caught by the mom and her kiddles.

I would also treasure the experience for the rest of my life...........like the times I was fortunate enough to pet a penguin and to sit with a bengal tiger cub on my lap, holding his bottle as he nursed.

[MineralMan]

114. When I was about 8 years old, my mother took me

to a place where movie animals were kept. I got to take a walk, hand-in-hand with Cheetah, of Tarzan movie fame in the days of Johnny Weismuller as Tarzan. The chimp led me to his cage, as if to show me where he lived. A very friendly sort of primate, he also did a thorough check of my hair for parasites. We got along famously.

The trainer was along for the walk, too, but didn't seem too concerned about my safety. It is a prized memory. Sadly, my mother neglected to bring a camera along.

[KansDem]

97. Was there a sign on the other side of the platform rail...

...telling the moose, "DO NOT TOUCH THE HUMAN!"

Maybe you were not alone in you malfeasance...

[joanbarnes]

98. On behalf of the Moose, you are forgiven.

[CreekDog]

100. .

[Demo_Chris]

105. Thank you citizen. Your confession is noted and DHS agents will collect you shortly. nt

[ismnotwasm]

111. Someday

I'll tell the story of the camel that fell in love with my husband at the SanDiego zoo. Tourists took pictures....

[randome]

113. There are better sites for you to post stuff like that. This is a family show, after all.

[ismnotwasm]

125. We didn't know what all the camel ruckus was about!

Until a nice zoo worker told us. We think it was his hat.

[Rex]

115. Better than getting attacked by a gaggle of meeses.

That mother will go home and do something contradictory, the children will see it and remember not to stick their hands in the dogs mouth.

[LibertyLover]

116. At least the moose in question did not

try to eat your head or the heads of the children like the camel in the video in the Video and Multimedia forum was taped trying to do. For that small blessing, may we, and the moose, be grateful.

[MineralMan]

118. That's true. Something to be grateful for, indeed.

[Nevernose]

119. That moose can burn in hell for all I care

I've been all over the continent looking for a moose in the wild, and to a dozen zoos to find one. Do the moose have any interest in me? No. Are moose even real? Probably not. They're either folk tales, like leprechauns, or conspiracy hoaxes, like Bigfoot. Or part of a government plot to trick me into focusing on whether moose are real instead of focusing on the CIA.

Alaska? Check.
Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire? Check.
Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Quebec? Check.
British Columbia and Alberta? Check.
Washington and Oregon?
Idaho and Montana? Wyoming, Utah, and Colorado? North and South Dakota? Wisconsin and Minnesota? All checks.
Every goddamned zoo I can find? Check -- although there have occasionally been "moose enclosures" -- totally devoid of moose.
Bear World, in both Yellowstone and Grand Canyon? Check -- although I was told the one at Yellowstone was "sleeping." Sounds like bullshit to me.
Every other national or state park I can think of that might possibly have moose? Check.
Do I fucking OWN fifty acres of wooded Idaho wilderness that has wolves and bears and elk and deer and eagles on it, but not a single goddamned moose? Check.

Yeah, so your alleged moose can die and go straight to hell for all I care. This whole thread is probably part of the Fake Moose Conspiracy, taking advantage of gullible schmucks like me to get me to come visit your crappy states (which would probably be less crappy if there were, I don't know, say, some goddamned MOOSE in them). Do you people all work for some kind northern latitudes tourist bureau?

[MineralMan]

121. While it is regrettable that you have not yet met a moose,

it may be your attitude. Moose, unlike most animals have delicate sensibilities and avoid contact with some people. That could be the cause of your moose contact deficit. Now, I have not met many moose, but all have seemed relatively innocuous to me, even those I met in Alaska. I did not get close enough to them, though, to touch them, as I was keeping an eye on a grizzly bear just downstream of where I was fishing.

[rug]

120. If you want to atone . . . .

http://www.mnzoo.org/donate/animalSponsor_moose.asp

[MineralMan]

122. What a capital idea!

Thanks!

[In_The_Wind]

123. Rules are usually suggestions.

Sometimes I agree, sometimes I bend the rules.
However, I don't touch wild animals in a non-petting zoo.

[marions ghost]

124. You scratched a moose?

I was hoping for something much more juicy by way of "confession..." than a moose petting zoo experience...witnessed by children...

[Buns_of_Fire]

126. Lookit them Moose Goosers, ain't they recluse?

Out in them boondocks, goosin' them moose
Goosin' them huge moose, goosin' them tiny
Goosin' them field moose in they hiney... (Apologies to Mason Williams)

[wet.hen88]

127. uhoh

You will probably have to answer to MooSatan one day...

[ananda]

131. Re the cage: Rilke's "The Panther"

I think you would appreciate this poem, MineralMan.

DER PANTHER

Im Jardin des Plantes, Paris

Sein Blick ist vom Vorübergehn der Stäbe
so müd geworden, dass er nichts mehr hält.
Ihm ist, als ob es tausend Stäbe gäbe
und hinter tausend Stäben keine Welt.

Der weiche Gang geschmeidig starker Schritte,
der sich im allerkleinsten Kreise dreht,
ist wie ein Tanz von Kraft um eine Mitte,
in der betäubt ein grosser Wille steht.

Nur manchmal schiebt der Vorhang der Pupille
sich lautlos auf--. Dann geht ein Bild hinein,
geht durch der Glieder angespannte Stille--
und hört im Herzen auf zu sein.


THE PANTHER (transl. Robert Bly)

In the Jardin des Plantes, Paris

From seeing the bars, his seeing is so exhausted
that it no longer holds anything anymore.
To him the world is bars, a hundred thousand
bars, and behind the bars, nothing.

The lithe swinging of that rhythmical easy stride
which circles down to the tiniest hub
is like a dance of energy around a point
in which a great will stands stunned and numb.

Only at times the curtains of the pupil rise
without a sound . . . then a shape enters,
slips through the tightened silence of the shoulders,
reaches the heart, and dies.

[Skittles]

134. you want I should kick moose-touching Mineralman ass?

THAT MIGHT TEACH YOU; yes INDEED

[Silent3]

138. There's good touch and bad touch

Be careful where you touch the moose.