I am dying.
Sorry but I don't know how to sugar coat that.
I hope the mods will allow this to stay since most of my post are in this forum.
A rare cancer with a dismal survival rate. Even with aggressive treatment the majority don't make it 2 yrs. I'm electing to use whatever holistic measures I can to slow it down and let nature take it's course. We barely make it as it is. I can't leave my disabled husband with that kind of medical debt that at best will buy me months..... miserable months. Who knows, maybe I'll find the magic herbal blend..... After a few days of wallowing in obscene grief, I'm OK at this particular moment.
I may stop in a few times while I can but probably not much. A lot to mentally and spiritually process... a lot to do to get my husband set up as good as I can. And there's my bucket list. While I'm still thinking reasonably straight, I wanted to take a few very selfish moments to thank all of you with all my heart for what you've given me over the years. A few of you are especially coming to mind.
California Peggy - My dear - I've lost count of how many times your posts (to other people and to me) have made me feel warm all over.
pnwmom - you are a source of kindness and food for a tired soul more times than I can count - among so many other things.
Cali - let me count the ways you've touched my life. I thank you. The most recent was when someone called you a liar and it seemed like half of the registered users of the DU showed up to give a newbie a quick lesson in respect for your well earned reputation of honor and truth. That was beautiful on many levels....
Warpy - about 3 years ago you posted down thread about medical stuff and for whatever reason it made it click in my head that my husband's neurological issues might be his neck. We had been from one doctor to the next for 2 years with no help and he was steadily losing his mobility. I asked his doctor and ultimately I was right. That post is part of the reason my husband is not in a wheelchair full time. I never told you that and I think you should know. Thank you seems too small a thing to say.
DainBramaged - A couple of your pro-UAW posts during the time GM was falling apart helped me get my husband's disability retirement business straight with GM. A measurable financial benefit that I could never thank you enough for.
The Straight Story - WHERE do you find your stories? Oh thank you thank you thank you thank you. I love you for them. The entertainment has saved my sanity so many times when I was completely burnt out from the many stresses of life.
Robb - I don't know if you liked being the dingbat option in all the polls but rest assured you are about as far from dingbat as a body can get. But I want you to know "Robb is a dingbat" as a poll option.... I picked that one every single time it was offered because I just really kinda like you.
I could never post a whole list of all of you who mean something to me - there are just too many and I am not thinking straight. I hope the few of you I mentioned by name aren't offended, nor those I didn't mention who've shared so much with me.
This community we have here is the most amazing thing. I have come here to laugh, to vent, to learn, to care, to cry, to goof off, to kill time, to escape, to reach out, many other reasons .... sometimes all at once. I want to thank each of you for the support you've given me in low moments, information you've shared that measurably improved my daily life, goofing off with me and yes sometimes fighting with me in shared diversion.
I love this place. I thank all of you.... Skinner and you other bums...... thank you for letting me come here in spite of the fact I could never afford to financially support it. Thank you for continuing the fight for the little people.
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I wish you well!
No words...
Thanks for putting that into words.
so I'll just say that, I'm so very sorry that you're going through this.
I wish you strength and peace through this journey.
Thanks. 
No kidding. I'm going to be thinking about this for a long time. Thank you for sharing this so generously and eloquently, SmileyRose. It's a journey we'll all be taking sooner or later.
Another DUer, GiveMeFreedom, also just posted here about facing that new turn in the road.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2744090
I don't like the thought of losing some of our beloved voices here, although it's part of life, for sure.
SmileyRose, you're meeting this transition with such peace, calm, poise, strength, class, courage, serenity, and acceptance.
This one's gonna stay with me, too.
Safe passage.
Please stay.
Stay and contribute what you can while you can.
We are here for you...
I am so, so, truly sorry...
There really aren't any words, but know that we will be here for you, please remember that.
I wish you well and will think of you often.
And when you can, we're still here.
and :hugs:
I'm so sorry. I just can't find the words.
I want to wish you success on your quest.
My god, my dear girl, I hardly know what to say.
I am so sorry to hear your news. How I wish you'd had good news today instead of this.
I admire your spirit hugely. I suspect I would be far from calm if I were in your shoes...I would be freaking out, I am sure. I just dodged a similar diagnosis today and I had been really upset, as I considered what might happen to me if the diagnosis had been malignant.
May your remaining time be full of good things. I hope your husband will be OK.
Words are so inadequate at at time like this. But I do want to thank you for your kind words about me. If you've ever looked at my sigline, you'll know where my motivation comes from.
Blessings on you...
but I am happy for you, CaliforniaPeggy, that you got this reprieve.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Go with grace and a little humor. I am in the same way. Peace.
I'm sorry to hear that you're on the final road, too. I hope you have the love and support you need, and that you'll stay here on DU as long as you can.
I'm so sorry. Peace to you and thank you for your grace and courage. 
I know you don't know me, but I will miss you so much. You have been a ray of sunshine here. Please take care of that bucket list.
TYY
Heartbreaking. Prayers for peace and strength for you and your husband.
Be at peace, be at peace, be at peace.
These tears are for you; I can think of no more to say.
Hekate
At times like this, I lose all eloquence. I wish I had wiser words.
What a beautiful gift you gave with your words.......
I hope you and your husband, too, have a Victory every day!!
I wish you the absolute best. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
What does one say to someone who has just told you that she's dying? Words seem so empty. We've never met, but my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hard it must be to say out loud those three words. You are a brave woman, facing your destiny with courage and grace. My wish for you is to fulfill as much of your bucket list as you can, and that when the time comes, you slip gently into the night. I hope that you can still come here once in a while.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your husband.
Peace.
Please, take the time you need to, but stay on DU as long as possible. Do you live in California by any chance? Many states have presumptive medicaid eligibility for those with the big C diagnosis. I'm happy to research medicaid in the state you live in, if you'd allow me.
You're a strong woman, my dear... but you don't have to be strong alone.
Both are so necessary! I'm sending you and your husband healing prayers and hope they find you. The best of luck with everything in your bucket list and I know you'll stay strong. 
I don't know what else to say...
Thanks for touching all of us in this little, sometimes dysfunctional, community.
so sorry to hear this...i almost died on 12/23/10 and i know how scary it feels to be leaving your loved ones and not wanting to go...
FYI, have you heard of Dr. Richard Becker D.O.? He beat cancer himself and has a tv show and a supplement company that has truly helped me and many others. He says that 80% of cancer patients they tested in a study have extremely low vitamin D levels...you could try that to start...easy and cheap...there is much advice out there...hopefully something might help you...
Good luck!!
Sending you healing thoughts and love. 
but your words have touched me deeply. I don't know where you're finding the strength, but this is truly one of the bravest posts I've ever read here.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Well done.
I believe that there are wonders out there waiting for us who leave. It helps me to be accepting. I can tell from your post that you are very worried about your disabled husband. My husband was disabled for 25 years and left me in 2009. I miss him very much, but have had wonderful dreams where he is ok and where I know he is looking for me. I hope you have family that will help your husband, for that will help you to go peacefully to wherever we go, for we all go their inevitably. I will send you good thoughts and prayers, for I still believe in them, and love and peace be with you.
I just picked up the following natural remedy article two days ago. Haven't tried it, but am going to, for it is good for you and cannot hurt. I hope that it might help in some way, if only by adding nutrition to you and your husband's diet. Hugs, my dear.
Interesting stuff!!
Cinnamon and Honey
Drug companies won't like this one getting around. Facts on Honey and Cinnamon:
It is found that a mix of honey and Cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also note honey as very effective medicine for all kinds of diseases. Honey can be used without side effects which is also a plus.Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, when it is taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm even diabetic patients. Researched by western scientists:
HEART DISEASES: Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, put it on toast instead of jelly and jam and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol and could potentially save one from heart attack. Also, even if you have already had an attack studies show you could be kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of cinnamon honey strengthens the heart beat. In America and Canada, various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as one ages the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and the veins.
ARTHRITIS: Arthritis patients can benefit by taking one cup of hot water with two tablespoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. When taken daily even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week (out of the 200 people so treated) practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain -- and within a month, most all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis now started walking without pain.
BLADDER INFECTIONS: Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder....who knew?
CHOLESTEROL: Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water given to a cholesterol patient was found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, when taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol-could be cured. According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol.
COLDS: Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and, clear the sinuses, and it's delicious too!
UPSET STOMACH: Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also is said to clear stomach ulcers from its root.
GAS: According to the studies done in India and Japan, it is revealed that when Honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas.
IMMUNE SYSTEM: Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacterial and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles (where DNA is contained) to fight bacterial and viral diseases.
INDIGESTION: Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food is eaten relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals
INFLUENZA: A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural 'Ingredient' which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.
LONGEVITY: Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages of old age. Use four teaspoons of honey, one teaspoon of cinnamon powder, and three cups of boiling water to make a tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans increase and even a 100 year old will start performing the chores of a 20-year-old.
RASPY OR SORE THROAT: When throat has a tickle or is raspy, take one tablespoon of honey and sip until gone. Repeat every three hours until throat is without symptoms.
PIMPLES: Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it off the next morning with warm water. When done daily for two weeks, it removes all pimples from the root.
SKIN INFECTIONS:Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin Infections.
WEIGHT LOSS
aily in the morning one half hour beforebreakfast and on an empty stomach, and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water. When taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.
CANCER: Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder three times a day for one month.
FATIGUE: Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, even when the vitality of the body starts to decrease, when taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 P.M., the vitality of the body increases within a week.
BAD BREATH: People of South America, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water first thing in the morning so their breath stays fresh throughout the day.
HEARING LOSS: Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restores hearing.
I wish I could do something really big for you. But I hope I can at least brighten your day a little bit by giving you a virtual hug or two.
I hope you can steal as much quality time as you possibly can, SmileyRose.
[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]Please know you'll be in our thoughts and prayers as you face this greatest challenge of anyone's lifetime.
We're all on the same path, each of us blind to what may be around the next bend, and we can all only pray for grace and courage, for ourselves and each other.
My hope for you is that you receive as much aid and comfort for yourself and your husband as can be given, and that your holistic treatments are helpful.
I wish I could be there to give you this hug.
politics, the minutiae of DU posting etiquette, or personal trials and appreciations as you have penned here so beautifully, heartbreakingly, in this love letter to great folks on this site.
I wish you strength in the days, months, and years ahead. You clearly possess that already, with your optimism for finding helpful balms from "magic herbal blends"
Thank you for showing us what deep caring people can teach
__FTC
Thank you for taking the time, in the midst of your struggles, to reach out to your friends here.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you know how many people you have touched with your personal grace.
(P.S. I'll be p.m.-ing you, too.)
I wish I could heal you like this... This will just have to suffice for the way you've touched my life.
You are loved... MMM
Or at least go down trying, SmileyRose!
Don't give in just yet, you got some more livin' to do -- not to mention moar posting on DU...
Prayers and good vibes sent your way. I wish you well.
Sending you all my love and best wishes. Don't give up. Please. You are so rare and wonderful. I am sending to you every healing vibe I can muster. If you need ANYTHING at all, 24/7, just drop me a pm and know I am here for you. Always. You are so not alone!
Such a wonderful username. Wishing you a Peaceful journey that we're all going to be taking at some point in history.
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We need single-payer NOW so that people never need to worry about a debt burden they might leave their loved ones.
How brave and loving of you to think of others at this time.
As you can tell from this thread, there are people here with great medical information and/or a great ability to comfort. Don't ever hesitate to ask. Especially since you mentioned holistic measures... boy howdy, let it be known far and wide that you welcome that kind of information and I don't think there will be any lack. Including from me, but I don't want to presume right now on a thread that's more personal than medical.
Thank you for taking the time and energy to let us know what's happening. Lots of and to you.
Sadly death is the ultimate philosophical truth for all of us. Be as comfortable as possible SmileyRose.
It's all too, too short.
that you are facing this. Sorry that your worry about debt informs the way you will fight this rare cancer.
I wish I had more to offer than hugs and good thoughts. If you need something, I hope you will let us know. I hope you can savor every good moment and let the others slip past you.
Peace.
And filled with peaceful and joyful moments.
I wish you well.
And enjoy every minute. I'm sorry for your news and wish you all the best.
I am so very, very, very glad you view this space as a community. It is.
And you now have thousands of people sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way, wanting to lend whatever modicum of support we can as you face this tremendous challenge.
You're not alone.
We don't have a terminal diagnosis and a time estimate to crystallize it for us. The end is just somewhere off in the future and we go on living as if that time is very far off.
Any of us would be fortunate to have your positive atitude. More power to you!
I lost a lot of people when I was young because we were fighting a war. I knew more than 60 whose names are engraved on a granite wall.
After that, I was convinced I wouldn't live to see 30. And many of us felt that it should have been US who died. Somehow we managed to survive.
I'm very sorry to hear that you are dying. I know you only from your posts here, and I regard you as a friend. But I'd guess that knowing how you'll be regarded and remembered here and elsewhere is not much of a concern to you now.
I hope you hit that bucket list and enjoy the time remaining to you. I'm not a believer in an afterlife, which makes what we do here and now and the way we aproach the end all the more important.
Thankyou for your post. Your community here loves you.
Please stop by and visit whenever you feel up to it. In the meantime, please know that thoughts, prayers, good karma, and anything else we have to offer are coming your way.
Had an experience there with my mother. Very positive. If it were me, I would absolutely do this.
SmileyRose
You've always made this place better for being here, and I'm honored.
I recently lost my husband so I've learned a thing or two about grief. Know that I'm sending you love and wishing you all possible comforts. Cry when you need to. It's cleansing and helps you get your strength back. Love as hard as you can while you can. That will surround you on your journey.
If you need a shoulder or someone to grab hands with (there will be a time when you just might), I'm here, only a PM away.
We are all children of the stars and to the stars we will return.
It is so sad to read your post. I am so touched that you reached out to those DUers who have helped you along the way,
I wish you peace and comfort and pray for treatments to ease the pain. I'm sorry that I didn't get to know you better.
Love and best DU vibes, femmocrat
as you have blessed us with your beautiful post.
Whatever happens.
What a lovely tribute you've written here. Thank YOU.
"Skinner and you other bums" 
Hehee!
Thank you for expressing the thoughts many of us struggled to put into words. Just beautiful.
Still thinking about you, SmileyRose.....
I hate to hear the news you have posted. I've been thinking of you ever since I read your post, and I'll continue to think of you and hope for the very best.
. . .we'll be with you all the way.
I hate when family and friends die.
May the love coming from the wonderful people of DU give you strength. I am honored to add mine to it.
Yours. Always.
You are in my thoughts and prayers
I am very sad to read about your diagnosis.
My prayer for you is that you do not suffer nor will your family suffer for a long time with grief.
I wish you the very best and please know that many here care very much about you and I hope that your final time in this world is peaceful, protected and happy.
for you dear friend.
Take it one day at a time. Live each day as if it is your last day. Salvage what good you can that is left in your life. You husband is blessed to have a person like you.
Thoughts and prayers are with you both, know that!
Thank you for being a member here. The place is better for your sharing your time and thoughts with us.
My wish for you is that your days are peaceful. Live in the moment.
others have offered suggestions for alternative treatments, so i will just add: raw fruits and vegetables. there's a lot of information on the internet about alkaline vs. acidic body chemistry and how that affects health, especially with cancer. i am not a fan of raw foods, but green smoothies are great. also, marijuana for pain and mood management.
i am holding you up in thought and prayer.
http://www.detoxtheworld.com/books-the-raw-food-detox-diet.php
Dear SmileyRose, how it pains me that you must be going through this. All my positive thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Here is my story if you have not seen it (you mentioned magical herbal blend).
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1170841
I have also found comfort with Stephen Levine meditations, in books and on CDs. Feel free to PM me if you ever feel like it.
Felix
Peace...
The light.
I'm in awe of your strength.
This is not fare to loose another good person. Will be thinking positive thoughts for your health and life.
We will miss you
thoughts.
All I can offer is
I think there are a few that are general tonics, or offering other health benefits, while also showing some promise in helping in the battle against cancer.
I can only offer a partial list and I can't think of all the ones I've read about but here's a few I take in hopes of getting some protection and for general health.
Curcumin - I take a brand that is bonded to phospholipids, supposedly that helps it travel though the body and get absorbed.
Astaxanthin - A pricey but powerful carotenoid.
White Tea/Green Tea - Some very affordable brands on the internet if you compare prices. Pro tip: Let the boiling water heat the cup up for a few seconds before dipping the tea bag in. White Tea offers a lot antioxidants with the least caffeine of all the teas. And, like all teas, it has Theanine, an amino acid that helps in the production of GABA, which promotes a calming influence. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theanine
Ashwagandha - Sort of like India's Ginseng, it does a multiple of good things. Here's a Sloan-Kettering link: http://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/integrative-medicine/disclaimer?msk_disclaimer_herb=1&destination=%2Fcancer-care%2Fherb%2Fashwagandha
Vitamin D - Worth researching and it has lots of benefits.
Sam-e - Many health benefits, its prescribed in Europe, but I advise taking the minimum dose (100- 200 mg), and every other day, at first, till tolerance is assured. It can make one too zippy. Though some people do great at higher doses. http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/s-adenosylmethionine-000324.htm
In order to avoid confusion I'm going to mention a specific product, again, this is a powerhouse that everyone can benefit from - Doctors Best Best Stabilized R- Lipoic Acid: http://www.nutritionreview.org/library/r.lipoic.acid.php I was amused and pleased when I read a review of this product by an internet guru, who's website I visit to test my firewall, posted an extremely glowing and informative review of it over at Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/review/R3E04AA0YY56BC/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000I4C19G&nodeID=3760901&store=hpc
I guess here's where I should mention that I have no stake in any of these products or any herb business etc. Nor do I get money or anything if those links are clicked. etc. 
Here's a link to a doctor who sells supplements, so caveat emptor and he isn't the cheapest, but who has compiled lots of lists that are useful for spurring further research.
http://www.raysahelian.com/cancer.html
It would be great if just swallowing lots of pills would guarantee a cure but as we know that isn't the case. There is however some benefits to taking a judicious number of supplements. Most cures come from ones doctors and ones own body but the evidence suggests that some supplementation can be of great benefit.
I'm so far from being an expert it's laughable, but if I can be of any help in pointing to links I've used in the past, I'll be happy to do so. I stop in here semi-regularly.
My demise is not as imminent, but I have chosen not to leave my husband with medical bills he will spend eternity trying to pay back.
I bought a book by Kathleen Fraser called "When I'm Gone", practical notes for those you leave behind. It has given me the opportunity to lay out my wishes, and work though the realization and acceptance of what lies ahead.
I wish you a safe passage, and your family comfort in the time ahead.
Peace be with you.
So sorry.
DU will be here for you to listen, and to offer what help we can. I think I speak for everyone when I say this. You are not alone. I am sending positive thoughts your way, SmileyRose. Don't lose hope. Of course that's easy for me to say, but I read between the lines of your post and it seems you haven't and you shouldn't. I won't babble on any longer, but let us know how you're doing, okay?
Just as your political insight and opinons contributed to what makes DU a great website - and really an online family!
Your post caused me to reflect on my life and on others, including my dad's when he passed away when I was 6 and he was 30 from brain cancer. He stayed strong until the very end, and I send that strengh to you in the form of thoughts and prayers!
God bless you my friend!
Such a difficult thing.
Words fail me except to offer my hope, prayers and love.
Your note of courage and grace brought me to tears.
I hope that things will turn around SmileyRose.
I am adding my love and hope to the ones that are expressed here.
I hope and pray that you will be okay.
I honestly didn't get to know you before you passed, but from what she's telling us, you were one sweet and likable person. I'm not sure what else I can say other than rest in peace. You will be missed by all of us.
