Is there something wrong with me that these stories make me sad as opposed to angry?

[Tommy_Carcetti]

Whenever there is ever a horrible act committed by another human being, a lot of people talk about being angry. They talk about wanting to kick some ass or want to see venagence or "justice" or what have you.

And my gut response is different. I believe human beings are genuinely good creatures at nature. I believe that we are all born good.

So when I hear about someone whose actions contradict that basic good nature, I'm not raising my fist in anger. I'm genuinely wondering what went wrong. How did it all fall apart for that person? How did it all unravel?

The stories of the people that the person has hurt obviously sadden me. But it also saddens me to see a wasted life like that. It's really a no win situation in my mind, regardless of what happens to the perpetrator.

After 9-11, there were people who would ask, "Remember how you felt on 9-11? Didn't you want to kick some ass?"

And I thought, no. That's not at all what I was thinking. I was thinking, What a sad moment for all of humanity.

[cthulu2016]

1. You and I agree on this. Good OP

[gateley]

2. I'm exactly the same.

[politicat]

3. It's not just you.

For some people, fear is anger, and anger is fear.

[Downwinder]

4. I hope not.

[liberalmuse]

5. I'm angry at first...

then vengeful. Now I'm sad. Just incredibly sad.

[HiPointDem]

6. nothing wrong with you. others feel the same. something creepy about it.

[Awknid]

12. Me too

I keep thinking about the 19 year old following his older brother. 7 yrs between them. He likely would have done anything for him.

[panAmerican]

41. Loyalty, perversed.

The right kind of caring is to steer your sibling on the right direction.

[Control-Z]

66. I think about the relationship

I had/have with my older sister. The one my children have with with other - looking up to the oldest. I feel just as you feel and have been thinking about it all day.

[alarimer]

7. No. I feel the same.

They make me feel a little sick.

Partly it's because the end result will be some further erosion of our liberties. I have no doubt that conservatives will try to pass a law to get around the legal system from crimes like these. I mean they are already calling for him to be labeled and "enemy combatant". On what possible grounds?

[Lifelong Protester]

80. Yes, once we get past the sadness,

I am worried about what this will mean for all of us.

Anyone, so far, who has posted here that they are a bit concerned about the ability of the authorities to hunt you down, has been blasted.

Certainly we are all glad the terror for the people of Boston is brought to some closure, but is another wave of terror-related erosion of liberties going to be accepted?

Do people not realize that if a person who does something like this is treated as an 'enemy combatant' that ANYONE can at some future point be classified as an 'enemy combatant' and have who knows what done to them?

[Hell Hath No Fury]

8. It all seems such a waste.

Lots of lives destroyed -- including the bombers. Yes, it is sad.

[Voice for Peace]

9. imo there is something right with you, not wrong

I posted this in another thread, but I believe compassion
is the highest form of human justice. We have that capacity
for a reason, it's not a mistake.

[NMDemDist2]

10. no

i kept thinking 'what a waste of a beautiful boy'

it's just awful all around. the victims and the misguided, horribly wrong young men.

what a waste.

[tblue]

11. No, sweetie. Me too.

I am very sad for all involved. I have a kid the same age and to think that someone that young has completely ruined his life and a whole lot of others, I could just cry. Really. I was thinking I might be the only person who feels this way. But my hubby is pretty down about the whole thing too. Glad for the relief. My kid is right near there at school. And my nephew lives in Boston. So this hits very close to home. Hugs...

[panAmerican]

42. I have 2 nieces, a month younger and a month older than #2

It's unconscionable to be so utterly lost at such a young age.

[Mojorabbit]

62. I said the same thing to my husband this evening.

We have a niece a year younger that the youngest brother. He is just so very young. You can tell I am old. I wonder what happened to make him go down this horrible destructive path.

[nadine_mn]

13. I feel that way too - that is why I hate when the word "evil" is thrown around

no matter how awful their crimes - they were still someone's brother, son, spouse, father, mother, sister or daughter - someone loved them.

Just calling them "evil" takes away their humanity - and we can't let that happen to us or we are no better than the murderers we condemn.

If it was my loved one who was killed or hurt - I would be pissed as hell, I would want vengeance. But in the end I would want to know why and how this happened and how can we make sure no one ever goes through this pain again.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

68. Evil to me describes actions, not people.

I do believe there are "good" people, "bad" people, and "great" people.

"Good" to me is the default. Most people are good.

If you have a track record of doing the right things for humanity or advocating for the right things, you deserve the title of "great." Martin Luther King, for example.

A "bad" person to me has the track record of doing or advocating for evil things or evil actions. How relatively bad you are is measured how many evil things you have done or advocated for, or the magnitude of your evil actions.

Just my personal philosophy.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

14. No. I think that there's something right about you. Compassion is a virtue not a fault.

[uppityperson]

15. And me. I self deleted my OP as got tired of the negative replies. You put it better and I hope you

get better replies. I got ones like this also, but the others led to self deletion.

Sorry for the whine.

Yes, I agree. It is all sad.

[Phentex]

54. I tried to respond at the same time you must have deleted...

But I understood what you meant and appreciate that you said it.

[uppityperson]

63. Thank you, I very much appreciate it.

[Lifelong Protester]

77. I was trying to think of a good response

and by the time I got back, your OP was gone.

I feel so very sad, for all involved, the victims, the alleged perpetrators, and for humanity.


I agree with you, and it is so hard sometimes to express compassion in the face of so much anger.

[RC]

16. Me also.

What does more killing get you besides more killing? Witness our revenge in the Middle East. How is that not terrorism?
Investigations and police action, instead or war on innocent people in countries that had nothing to do with whatever event.

[bigmonkey]

17. I'm with you.

I'm so grateful that he was captured alive, it stops the momentum of vengeance. I felt the same at 9-11, that vengeance had taken hold.

[Voice for Peace]

18. studying this question has been

a fascination for me, for much of my life.

ie, what happens to a human being, each one of us,
from where we begin, so simple and innocent, open
to joy and to life, wanting very little except to be
happy, fed, loved. We begin life as radiant creatures..

to people who hate others, or hate themselves, who
want to destroy life, who are miserable, sad, lonely
discouraged, on and on.. sick, ugly, cruel, mean,
greedy, blahblah

every element of each person's life -- stuff happens
and when we are small we have no say about what
gets downloaded into our brains. the things we
learn, the wounds, the damages, unique to each human
being, with a myriad of consequences also unique to
that person.

[mrs_p]

19. How I feel too

Just heartsick about Martin, Krystle, and Lu. And then hearing from friends of this 19 yo. So much sadness, and mourning.

[haikugal]

20. I'm the same as you..

and I appreciate you putting it so well. You're not alone.

[Blaukraut]

21. No, I feel the same way. Sad.

Sad for the eight year old boy who will never get to grow up and see his wish fulfilled. No more hurting people. Sad for the young women who will never live to see their life dreams of careers and families fulfilled. Sad for all of those who survived with horrible injuries that will rob many of them of their life dreams as well.

I also feel sad for a young man who was so misguided and angry that he found it necessary to express that by killing and maiming innocents, and who will never live to let go of that anger and embrace life, family, and friendship.

I feel sad for this 19 year old boy, yes, boy, who idolized his older brother and was pulled into darkness by the one person in his life who should have been his mentor in a good way.

Life is random, unfair, and unkind, but I refuse to get angry and lose all empathy.

[ellaydubya]

22. If so, there is something wrong with me also....

It all makes my heart so sad and weary- so much hate & pain & fear. What a terrible waste.

[RayOfHope]

23. Me too. Thanks for posting this. nt

[a la izquierda]

24. I'm sad as well.

I find no joy in the jubilant U-S-A chants. Just sadness that this shit keeps happening.

[BlueIndyBlue]

30. This ^^^

Thank you for putting into words what I am also feeling. It is such a sad event all around. Suspect #2 brings to mind Lee Malvo the younger half of the DC Snipers several years ago. Young and impressionable and committing horrendous acts before his life could even get started. All this loss of young lives both victims and perpetrators for nothing.

[TDale313]

25. Absolutely nothing wrong with your reaction.

But also don't think some anger at a deliberate act of violence/cruelty is necessarily inappropriate either. I think it's understandable. Everyone deals differently. This is *not* justifying scapegoating or vigilantism. Just saying that gut level reaction of anger is probably a pretty natural and reasonable reaction. Flame away

[Tommy_Carcetti]

29. That's understandable too.

And perhaps if I had a family member killed or wounded or if I had witnessed the bombing, I might be angry too.

But speaking as someone removed from the immediate story, I can't help but to simply shake my head in sadness more than anything else).

And then there's the whole Sandy Hook story, which I honestly say affected me (as a father of two) more than any news story has ever affected me. It still haunts me. Yet even on December 14th I wasn't angry at Adam Lanza, as horrific as what he did was. I was and still am just genuinely saddened by his story--clearly he was someone who was incredibly mentally ill to do the unspeakable. If people would have realized that earlier, no doubt things would have been different.

And yet I do find myself angry at the whole Sandy Hook situation. In fact, infuriated. But my anger is almost exclusively directed towards the gun lobby and their apologists for their continuous refusal to grasp reality, and what I believe to be utter and complete selfishness at the expense of the public's safety. The NRA angers me; Adam Lanza just saddens me.

Sorry, I'm just blabbering right now, but having gone through a somewhat traumatic situation a couple of weeks ago, I've just been doing a lot of soul searching.

[TDale313]

31. No, not blabbering. Totally get it.

One other thing as I'm kinda thinking this through myself. I think there's a difference between anger and hate. I can find myself really angry at events like this- outraged at the unfairness and angry that someone could be so cruel/destructive. But hate (for a person, for a group) is different to me. Maybe the difference between despising the act and despising a person?

[ismnotwasm]

26. No

It's horrifying from start to finish. I'm left with profound sadness.

If I lived in Boston, I might feel differently, and I have to acknowledge that. If I was the mother of a murdered child, or someone who lost limbs or was permently disfigured, I might feel different. I think, eventually I'd still be left with paralyzing sadness, and hope I'd be able to overcome that, but I acknowledge as well the right to rage during grief and fear.

[soleft]

27. Revenge is a lazy form of grief

[elehhhhna]

28. i get you

my boss at the time and I were walking into a restaurant to meet client when the OKC bombing hit the news. We saw the immediate coverage on the tv in the bar. Months later ater, when we heard they were sentencing McVeigh, she grabbed a radio and called me into her office. We both though we'd be elated or something when they read it. Instead, we both started to cry. No closure, no joy. Just more sadness.

[Odin2005]

32. I've read that people though these 2 were nice guys.

[redwitch]

33. You are a decent person Tommy.

And I agree with you.

[treestar]

34. No. This kid is so young, it really is sad

What a destroyed life. He is responsible. But it could have gone differently had his brother not gone over the edge.

[KauaiK]

35. OMG I am so glad to see Tommy's post

I was feeling the same way thinking am I the only one? He's only 19 years old. What a horrendous wasted life.

[Euphoria]

36. Thank you for this. I feel the same way.

nt

[MillennialDem]

37. I feel the same

[Douglas Carpenter]

38. I cannot even understand why anyone would respond with anger as their first emotion rather than

sadness at any loss of life or any physical harm - whether done intentionally or by accident or by nature. Would not nature itself generate as the first emotional reaction to any tragic loss be the emotion of sadness? Of course I am sad for all the innocent people killed and wounded during this or any tragedy. And it also makes me said that a 19-year-old boy who was captain of his wrestling team, who volunteered for community projects on a number of occasions, who everyone who knew him described him as a really, really nice kid, who had lots of friends, who was reported to have always been upbeat and friendly, who appeared to everyone to be completely assimilated and Americanized and expressed no ill will whatsoever toward America, who seemed far, far more interested in sports and rap music than in politics or religions could possibly get involved with something like this. Of course this is sad.

[FedUpWithIt All]

39. No. Nothing wrong with you.

I always feel the same.

[freshwest]

40. I feel sad the person has lost themself. They must be stopped from passing it on, though.

I just empathy for the ones hurt, and a sense of grief that those who do these things are so deluded as to think it will ease their own pain or fear, as it won't. It just prolongs the cycle of destruction and misery.

[Horse with no Name]

43. I am really saddened at the lives lost

including the life of this young man, who by all accounts, held a lot of promise.

I am logging out of all news/blogs/facebook now while everybody satisfies their verbal blood lust to exact their pound of flesh.

I just can't do this.

I am glad they caught him. For his sake as well as everyone else.

[xxqqqzme]

61. I hear that.

I don' think I've watched 10 minutes of news since Monday. The futility of it all overwhelms me and leaves me drained.

I have been in groups of family and/orfriends 3 different times since Monday. No one mentioned it. No one wanted to talk about it.

This was a horrific news week. The bombings, the explosion, then the disgusting cowardly senate vote in contrast to the epic heroism.

I'm sorry Boston didn't get a baseball game tonight. Locally the Angels are winning (2-0) bottom of the 7th. It may seem silly but it helps.

[Blue_In_AK]

44. You're not alone, Tommy.

I feel the same, especially since this boy is so young and seemed so normal, like any teenager. What could possibly have caused him to go off the rails like this?

[BainsBane]

45. anger is typically a secondary emotion

Many people become angry when they are hurt or frightened (myself included). You seem to be better in touch with your emotions than most, which is a very good thing, as is your compassion.

[me b zola]

46. There is nothing wrong with you

~I agree with your sentiment and share a sense of sadness for the tragedy of it all

[Live and Learn]

47. I was happy to see this post.

Was beginning to think I was the only one that felt that way. Very sad, all the way around.

[blur256]

48. I could not agree more my friend

I weep for humanity at times, but at the same time I am hopeful. We all have to be, or what is there left? Nothing.

[Kali]

49. nope, not at all

and to be honest there is nothing wrong with feeling anger either.


I do think the calls to blow off the legal rights of people like this are wrong, but I do understand the emotions behind them.

[calimary]

50. My first thought during 9/11 was - what made them hate us enough to do THIS?

And I was plenty worried when we went into Afghanistan - knowing how that bottomless pit helped bring the Soviet Union to its knees. Made me wonder what THAT, in turn, would set off. That's just where I went, first. Before I stopped to try to analyze it or get further info or anything else.

I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with you, Tommy.

[RedCappedBandit]

51. No, something right with you.

The fact that so many people are so angry about so many things is undoubtedly a significant contributing factor to the violent culture in which we live. If more people thought like you, we'd live in a more peaceful world.

[Punkingal]

52. There's nothing wrong with you...

...that isn't wrong with me. You put my feelings into words perfectly, and I thank you!

[frylock]

53. i feel the same and have wondered this as well

[RVN VET]

55. Another view of the "boy"

I agree it's a shame, a terrible shame that such a young man should have gotten so warped and turned into such a horrible, horrible murderer. What he may have been -- according to those who knew him -- was good, productive, maybe even kind and compassionate.

What he chose to become was a mass murderer, a criminal who murdered a little boy, murdered a student, murdered a bystander; who mutilated more than 100 other people. maybe including some who, had they known him before this outrage, might have said he seemed like such a good kid, so hopeful and bright.

He will die a murderer. He will die remembered by his victims' families as a monster -- because what he did was monstrous.

And there's this curious buzzing in my mind that won't stop. It's about the Beltway Snipers, that gruesome twosome responsible for terrorizing the D.C. area several years ago, murdering a dozen or so people. The older guy in that episode, Mohammed I think his name was, was characterized as the Svengali who turned a young (and "promising&quot John Malvo into a murderer. I felt bad, very bad, for young Mr. Malvo. I felt good, very good, that Muhammed was sentenced to death and executed. I still feel justice was served in Mohammed's case. But after Malvo's trial -- years after -- the prosecutor was interviewed about the case and said that he was extremely frustrated about Malvo's behavior in court. The "kid" it turns out behaved quiet, shy, even cowed by the courtroom when the jury was present. But when the jury left the room, the "kid" became the man in charge, speaking furiously to his legal team one minute, joking with them the next, clearly in control of himself and the conversation. The prosecutor suggested that it was entirely possible that it was Malvo who pushed Mohammed over the edge into murder, not the other way around.

So, maybe this Chechnyan kid was guided down the wrong path. But maybe not. Still, regardless of whether he made himself into a monster or was turned into one by a maniac older brother, the fact remains that his legacy will be that of a mass murderer, of a person who, with malice and evil aforethought, killed people who meant him no harm and maimed countless others who meant him no harm. I'm sad that a young life turned to evil. I'm not sad -- not in the least -- that the son of a bitch is going to face a stern justice for what he did.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

70. The same thing could be said for Columbine and Harris and Klebold.

I would recommend reading the book, "Columbine" by Dave Cullen.

Every indication was that Eric Harris was a pure psychopath. From his diary writings and his interactions with others, he seemed to demonstrate that he had no respect or empathy towards others.

However, Dylan Klebold was not psychopathic. He was reportedly depressive and would basically follow his friend Eric in whatever he did. And that meant willingly going along with Harris' plans.

Now if you watch the survelience video from the shootings you'll see that both Harris and Klebold were equally brutal and callous in their actions. However, I don't think that without Harris' influence, Klebold would have been a school shooter. I really don't.

[fantase56]

56. nothing wrong at all

I've felt that way for so long. Just sad that so many lives have been tragically altered.

[Loki]

57. My son is 20 years old.

Throughout this whole week I kept thinking what if it were him who was lying in a hospital bed without his legs, what if he had been killed, what if he was the one running from the police. Tonight, he came home from college and I hugged him and told him how much we love him. I reminded him that sometimes we have to make hard choices in life and to try and always do the right thing, but knowing 19 and 20 year olds like I do, they don't always think before they act. Unless we can stop this hate, this inability to forgive, unless we can love those who hate us and wish us harm, we will continue to mourn for our children and our world.

[Phentex]

74. I have teen boys and I felt the same...

I kept wondering what the hell had this kid been through that would make him have any part of this.

I understand anger and grief. But I cannot understand the hatred, the calling out for his death or torture, the idea that he does not deserve a trial, etc.

This in no way means I place more importance on him than I do the victims but I still see him as a kid, a person.

The whole situation is sad.

[Greybnk48]

58. No. I felt sick about this all day.

My kids were angry and wanted him to be practically crucified. I agree that what he and his brother did is heinous and evil, but at some point today I just felt really sad. All those people hurt and killed by a couple of deluded dip shits with half a plan. And now this 19 year old's life is over too. Awful.

[Mojorabbit]

59. I am the same way.

I feel bad for everyone involved. Many families are grieving tonight, those of the victims and those of the young men who caused this tragedy.

[Fearless]

60. Likewise.

[booley]

64. No

I feel the same

I think we need to have compassion even for our enemies.

Not necessarily for them but for ourselves

[BanzaiBonnie]

65. Thank you all for the heartfelt replies to this OP

I feel the same. Sad.

If I look for it, I can say I'm angry at the horrific choices these young men made. They hold that responsibility and there are no excuses. Yet, if I put myself in a place of understanding, I can do that.

Mostly, I'm sad for all of us.

[Control-Z]

67. I am just sad.

Nothing wrong with you.

[Solly Mack]

69. K&R

[jimlup]

71. Yeah me too... I don't understand the "anger" reaction

And I think in many cases it is actually false and more motivated by propaganda. I do remember after 9/11 one of my co-workers was a
"angry". I was mystified as that was before we really even knew who had done it. I wonder, exactly who was he "angry" at as the direct perpetrators were obviously already dead.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

72. I had a Facebook friend demanding torture...on Monday afternoon. nt

[Auntie Bush]

73. Every time I see that 19 year old...I think of how LONG he's going to be in jail...

And I feel sadness for him. What a pathetic life he has ahead of him.

That doesn't mean I don't grieve for all his victims and their families. How sad so many lives have been ruined!

[librechik]

75. there's nothing wrong with you

.sadness is totally appropriate in this context.

i feel exactly the same way.

I was angry at Bush and other officials who totally screwed us on 9/11.

But I was still sad for the victims.

[carolinayellowdog]

76. anger leads to revenge, and blind lashing out, scapegoating

not even caring whether the "right" people get punished as long as somebody does. That's what Bush/Cheney capitalized on, and while I don't expect that from Obama, Republicans in Congress may well try to maintain the tradition of scapegoating the innocent.

[duhneece]

78. You are not alone.

Nice to see we're in such good company at DU...and we can continue doing what we can to make things better, in whatever way that works for us at the time.

[Carolina]

79. I feel the same

[smirkymonkey]

81. No, not at all. I have felt nothing but sadness this whole time.

And I live here. Maybe 10 years ago or longer I would have gotten angry, but I am a much less angry person these days.

[MannyGoldstein]

82. Agreed. nt

[RebelOne]

83. Yes, I feel deeply saddened.

I have 2 grandsons, one is 17 and the other is 24. If either of these boys committed such awful acts as the 2 brothers, I would probably be in denial, but still love them.

[awoke_in_2003]

84. I was momentarily angry after 9/11...

then I asked why? Anger is natural, we just have to recognize and control it.

[heaven05]

85. wow

good for you. I mean that. not being sarcastic or anything. More people like you and I think the human race might have a future.

[Lucinda]

86. Me too.

?

[99Forever]

87. I very much agree.

In another thread asking if DUers would want the death penalty if this guy is convicted, the overwhelming answer is no. However, here is one reply that struck me, it was headed with this: "Just chop his limbs off... Don't kill him." That kind of hatred does more damage to the hater than the hated. Very sad.

[RiverNoord]

88. I distinctly recall my feelings after 9-11

and they were horror and sadness. Sadness because I knew what would be shortly on the way - more death and horror through the wars we were certainly going to launch. I feel much the same way about this bombing - we won't be launching any wars, but the American people will continue to allow themselves to be convinced that an entire religion is out to get them. Nothing good will come of that.

[DakotaLady]

89. Nope ...

... me too

[Honeycombe8]

90. I feel both. Sad for the victims, & anger at the perps. One had a choice...

even if he had been born good and been abused or whatever...he makes some choices along the way. True mental illness or insanity is different, though.

Are all people born good? I don't know. But I do think there are some evil people. They're just evil. It's possible that they were born that way. Like the movie The Bad Seed. I just don't know. If a child can be born missing limbs, can he be born missing functioning parts of the brain that control empathy and judgment? I don't guess anyone will ever know for sure.

[Veilex]

91. Is there something wrong with you? In a word: no. In several words: hell no...

I wish more people felt as you do... to include myself. Consider this: Anger is the incarnation of a person's frustration at not being able to control a situation or people, while losing the ability to control themselves.

Your heart and mind are in the right place... you have better mastery over self than the vast majority, who tend get rip-snorting ticked off. Myself included.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

93. I do get angry at times though.

But it's often more at those who exploit or benefit from a sad situation than those who cause it.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

92. Anger is a blinding emotion and leads to mistakes and "collateral damage".