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octoberlib

(14,971 posts)
Thu Apr 18, 2013, 03:56 PM Apr 2013

Jesus, This Week

WASHINGTON—Calling the last four days of American life just...I mean, talk about a goddamned punch in the gut, citizens across the nation confirmed today that, Jesus, this week.

This fucking week, sources added.

“Seriously, can we wrap this up already?” Maryland resident James Alderman told reporters, echoing the thoughts of all 311 million Americans, who have just about reached their weekly goddamned quota for carnage, misery, confusion, heartbreak, and rage. “Because, you know, I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our hearts ripped out of our chests and stomped on enough times for one seven-day period, thank you very much.”
“Man oh man,” Alderman added, shaking his head. “Can you believe this? Can you honestly believe the kind of piece-of-shit week we’re having here?”

“Maybe next time we have a week, they can try not to pack it completely to the fucking brim with explosions, mutilations, death, manhunts, lies, weeping, and the utter uselessness of our political system,” said basically every person in America who isn’t comatose or a complete sociopath. “You know, maybe try to spread some of that total misery across the other 51 weeks in the year. Just a thought."



http://www.theonion.com/articles/jesus-this-week,32105/
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Jesus, This Week (Original Post) octoberlib Apr 2013 OP
Is that the title for a Sermon? MineralMan Apr 2013 #1
"said basically every person in America who isn’t comatose or a complete sociopath." BeyondGeography Apr 2013 #2
Someone must have been reading my mind... Tommy_Carcetti Apr 2013 #3
Yeah, it's a week that makes me want to get off the planet Warpy Apr 2013 #4

Warpy

(110,900 posts)
4. Yeah, it's a week that makes me want to get off the planet
Thu Apr 18, 2013, 04:08 PM
Apr 2013

and take a vacation elsewhere, too.

I'm just glad the loss of life in Texas isn't nearly as bad as they had said it was last night.

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