Teach Your Children Well: A Guide to Gateway Sexual Behaviors
Laws are being proposed in state legislatures ordering teachers not to teach so-called "Gateway Sex" to their students, and promising fines if they do. But, what are these "Gateway Sexual Behaviors?" Parents need to know, so they can spot them in their own children and punish those behaviors appropriately. Here is a list of what to watch for in your middle-school and high-school children. Nip these behaviors in the bud, parents, or the results may be bad, bad, bad:
1. Flirting - This behavior is clearly a gateway behavior. Teach your children not to look at other children of the opposite sex.
2. Winking - Although some consider this to be flirting, it's actually a very dangerous form of sexual communication.
3. Smiling - When adolescents smile at members of the opposite sex, you just know it's an open invitation to sexual activity.
4. Hugging - Actual body contact is to be avoided at all times. Teach your child to yell "NO!" and run away if hugged.
5. Talking - This gateway sexual activity establishes communications between adolescents. Very dangerous.
6. Holding Hands - If you observe your child doing this, beware. Pregnancy is certain to occur soon. Oversized mittens should be worn.
7. Kissing - A kiss is not just a kiss. It is just one step away from falling into terrible habits and danger.
8. Canoodling - This activity may look innocent enough, but is normally done in a sitting position. The next step is the prone position.
9. Arm around Shoulders - Think, parents. What are just below your daughter's shoulders? This is a real danger signal!
10. Arm around Waist - At this point, it may be too late already. You know what's below the waist. Send your child immediately to a same-sex private school, and hope you're in time!
These gateway behaviors can occur anywhere, from your child's school to even the church basement. Be constantly on guard against them! Stop your child from these behaviors and you will save them from a fate worse than death.
If things go beyond the sexual behaviors described above, all is lost and the only solution is to expel the adolescent from your home to avoid poisoning the rest of your children. We at The Sex Avoidance Bureau simply call that "tough love."
Copyright 1950,2013 by The Sex Avoidance Bureau. All rights reserved under penalty of law.
= new reply since forum marked as read
63 years and still prudes.
Thank you I'm here all week!! 
Or that it's done for purposes other than reproduction. 
these behaviors also happen in single sex schools. My first kiss was from Roxanne was while we were at St Hedwigs, Detroit, 1971, (and I hope she has had a very happy and wonderful life
).
It's safe, you know. And men like to watch. 
Goofy prudes since 1950!
