Serious questions about pot smokers

[fried eggs]

I don't smoke anything, and barely drink, but I've been dating someone who smokes it every day (not around me) to ease anxiety. I have some questions:

If someone smokes everyday, does that mean that their true personality is hidden? In other words, if they were to stop for several months, would their personality be completely different?

Is it a bad idea to get involved with someone who smokes when I don't? Or would it be petty to end a relationship over that? I'm disgusted by smoke (including incense), but I'm trying to keep an open mind because this person is really special.

[EOTE]

1. I don't think their true personality would be hidden.

I find the people who smoke it daily tend to do so as a way to relax. I think if they stopped, they might be a bit cranky for a bit, but they'd probably find another way to relax.

However, I think your disgust of smoke might be a problem. If he/she continues to be respectful and not expose you to it, then I think it might be a bit petty to end the relationship, especially if he/she is as special as you say.

But overall, I've found regular smokers to be really good, laid back people.

[SharonAnn]

80. They're numbing, or "self-medicating" themselves. Wonder why?

Not sure I'd buy the "anxiety" bit, but who knows?

Put it this way, it's a mood-altering substance. If she got drunk every night would it bother you?

[EOTE]

110. I think alcohol and bud are FAR different things.

I'm an almost daily smoker (my partner is as well). We enjoy having a toke to relax after a hard day and we enjoy the creativity it provides us. We tend to have deeper conversations while stoned, it also enhances our appreciation of art. If this person got truly drunk every night, yes I'd obviously have a problem with that. The drunker you get, the more stupid and uncoordinated you get. If it were just a cocktail or two every night, no, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

[MineralMan]

2. Beware the Evil Weed! It is a Gateway to Much, Much Worse.

I saw that in a movie a long, long time ago. It must be true.

[Mnpaul]

47. I misread your title at first

I thought it said "it is the gateway to munch, munch worse"

[JaneyVee]

54. Yeah, like a gateway to Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

Yum!

[MineralMan]

55. Fritos and Reese's Peanut butter cups for me.

Thanks.

[AgingAmerican]

56. My Grandmother used to tell me Marijuana was a commie plot

...to make a nation of zombies so the Soviets could just waltz in unopposed and take over the country. She also used to warn me that it grew female breasts on men.

And she was a DEMOCRAT!! My, how things have change.

[The Flaming Red Head]

78. My grandfather told me that they were smoking weed on the Mississippi river back in the 1920s

He worked on the Mississippi river all his life and was born on a pack steamer on the river, anyway he told me that he knew people that smoked weed and worked on the boats way back, even before 1920. He told me that it had always been around.

[AgingAmerican]

82. My Grandparents had an elderly handyman at their motel

He told us about smoking pot while painting the Golden Gate bridge in the 1930s. He said they called it "muggles" back then. It's been around in the USA forever.

[The Flaming Red Head]

86. Weed was just a part of their culture (river rats)

My grandpa's family lived, worked, raised and even had their babies on the river, whole families lived 12 months a year on their little flat boats and being close to the mouth of the Mississippi and a major port gave them access to many different kinds of things. I don't think it was even illegal when he said he smoked it in his youth back around 1910 to 1920. He never drank or smoked tobacco, but he told me that he did smoke weed when he was young and lived on the river with his family and it was quite common for the river workers to smoke it back then.

[AgingAmerican]

96. Im sure Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn would have partook in a bit of the "muggles"

...whenever they came across some.

Thats a wonderful family story, thanks for that!

[lunatica]

104. You must be as old as I am

Reefer madness!

[cbdo2007]

3. You can probably learn to deal with it, but I think it takes over their lives more than just

a multi-vitamin or taking an anti-anxiety pill every day, not to mention the legal aspects of them getting caught with it in your car or your house.

I've never smoked anything but have had good and bad interactions over long periods of time with pot smokers. In both cases, it was a daily thing and ruled their lives, so from that perspective I would say it's like any other addiction. Currently, one of my coworkers does it A LOT (for anxiety) and I think she's a great person, both when she has and when she hasn't smoked, but I can definitely tell a difference in her demeanor when she has vs when she hasn't and needs to.

Just relating my experiences. Good luck to you. I would tell you to just have an open mind and see if it is something that really annoys you or something you can look past, but it isn't a decision that can be taken lightly and will be different for everybody.

[Brickbat]

4. "Would their personality be completely different?"

Probably a lot more anxious. But anxiety isn't necessary part of their "true personality," either, and if your friend is using pot to medicate the anxiety symptoms, what you get is probably a lot closer to their "true personality" than if they stopped smoking.

[Recursion]

97. The whole point of taking psychoactive substances is to change your personality

If you're saying the "stoned person" is more real than the "non-stoned person", I suppose; I don't say that about people on pharmaceuticals, though.

[Brickbat]

101. Would you say a chronically depressed person is more real than the person on pharmaceuticals

to control that depression?

[Recursion]

103. Both are equally "real", but the unmedicated personality is the genuine one (nt)

[Brickbat]

106. As someone who took a prescribed pharmaceutical to control depression, I disagree with that.

[Gregorian]

5. No. And no.

It sounds like you are the one with the problem. And I do not mean that in an inflammatory way. I hate replies like that. It's just that I smoked cannabis for decades. I loved it. It was my motivator, my coffee. I got A's in Calculus even when I could hardly find the classroom for being so ripped. I raced bicycles and commuted by bike.

Now I'm going on 60, and I quit everything when I began having headaches I couldn't explain. That was 10 years ago. I am the same now as I was then. I have to admit that since then I've begun to look upon pot smokers a little more like those who used to look down on me. I catch myself and realize it's not too far from any other form of prejudice.

As long as someone isn't causing others trouble, then it really comes down to who they are as a person. Liberal, creative, fun. What else is there. Enjoy what you have. Maybe even enjoy a little of what your friend has. You might even enjoy it. I would not say the same about nicotine.

[Blue_In_AK]

6. I smoke a little most nights before I go to bed

as it helps me go to sleep faster. I do it in my home office with the door closed so it doesn't bother my husband who doesn't indulge (but doesn't mind if I do). When we go on trips and whatnot, I don't have it, but it doesn't bother me to go without. If my personality was changed, it was a long, long time ago, and, quite frankly, I like who I am as do my family and friends, so it's a moot point.

[markiv]

7. it's illegal, for one thing

so at any time, legal problem can enter this person's life (and yours, should you ever share a residence)

any smoking isnt good for your lungs - would you want the stuff on the inside of a bong in your lungs?

there are worthwhile people who've smoked pot, and I'm not saying that anyone who still smokes pot is not worthwhile, but the people i know who smoked it became far more worthwhile once they quit (and that statement is somewhat close to home)

[Blue_In_AK]

10. Legality is not an issue in some states like Alaska

where possession of small amounts for personal use has been decriminalized since 1975.

[markiv]

16. if it's legal in your state, then it's not illegal

but in most states, it is illegal

there's also the issue of job drug testing and drivers license

on the job, you have an exposure window of at least a month after last use, and BAM, your done or sent into treatment if you come up positive

same goes for driving - in some places, ANY pot in your system and you could get DUI or blamed for an accident, even if it was weeks ago

alcohol, with all it's problems, at least has a fairly predicable and quick disapation time, in almost all cases within 24 hours

i'm not saying this is the reality that should be, i'm saying it's the reality that is, and that for me, it makes the use an unacceptable risk

[Blue_In_AK]

37. Retirement rocks.

I'm not disputing what you're saying, but I am very glad to be old. And fortunately the jobs I had when I did work as a legal secretary/paralegal didn't require a pee test. Guess I just got lucky.

[Honeycombe8]

79. How old were you when you retired?

I'm a paralegal, too. Late 50's. I'm counting down the years to retirement and am considering retiring asap. OTOH, if I work for longer, I'll have more money saved. Others say...but what will you do? I tell them that I have hobbies...if I can afford to do them. I don't think I'll have a problem with staying involved. On the contrary!

But what age did you check out of the rat race? Just wondering. I'm getting sort of fed up with the high stress of the legal field.

[Blue_In_AK]

91. I left my "real" job in 2001

when our firm downsized. I was 55 at the time. They wanted me to stay, but I didn't care too much for the people remaining, so I left. After that, I did court transcripts at home (subcontracting, so all I had to do was type). The woman I was working with decided to drop her contract with the state in 2009, which worked out great for me because that was the year I qualified for early Social Security. My SS check is just slightly less than my average monthly income from the transcripts, so it worked out perfectly.

I had also remarried in 2003 (to my high school sweetheart who I reunited with in 2000). He has a pension from the Marine Engineers union and SS now, too, so we're in pretty good shape...much better than I ever expected at this point considering that I lived paycheck to paycheck most of my adult life. He got to retire in the mid '90s sometime after 25 years at sea.

[Honeycombe8]

102. You lucky dog! But you worked hard for it, so gotta hand it to you

for hanging in there.

It's the insurance that'll cost a person. If I left and semi-retired (maybe work contract)...I'd be without insurance, and that would cost a small fortune. So basically I'm working for ins. benefits.

But I'm not complaining. I'm in pretty good shape, having lived frugally for many years and saving and keeping the old clunker for 14 years, etc.

Thanks for the info. That helps me understand how other people plan these things out. It's so confusing to me, how the semi-retirement or retirement works.

[The Flaming Red Head]

90. Remember Mojo Nixon and the song "I ain't gonna pee-pee in no cup

unless Nancy Reagan wants to drink it up. Yo Nancy we just say NO, no, no, no, no , no. Go ahead and fire me from job but there's one little thing you ain't gonna rob and that's my freedom and my dignity."

Unfortunately I worked for years at jobs where i couldn't smoke because of random urine test.


It's not fair that most hard illegal drugs (meth coke, heroin, crack) are out of your system in 3 to 4 days and pot is 30 days.

Oh and now when they do hair test its even worse. They can go way back with hair samples, years, even. The fact that most men have really short (or can have) short hair or even be bald and can only tested for the past 6 to 8 weeks while women with long hair can be looked at for drug use over years of time is wrong and sexist. I've seen them wrap someones hair up around their fingers and arms to be tested and they get really long strands, too.


Sorry for the rant. I liked your post and your candor.

[cali]

19. in several states it is not illegal

it's a benign drug when not overdone- more benign than alcohol.

[AgingAmerican]

58. Indeed

I would much rather my two kids smoked weed than drank.

[AgingAmerican]

57. It's legal here

and most folks here no longer care about it one way or the other. I usually ingest it in the form of cookies or tincture. No smoking for me!! No personality change either.

[markiv]

67. hey, if it were legal in Nevada, and

I was visiting Las Vagas, I was guaranteed that when I went back to my home state (and hadnt smoked any since I left Vegas) that any kind of drug test within the next 1 month fat soluable time exposure window could NOT be used against me in:

- employment

- DUI, or accident investigation

- blood test for any medical office visit

- life or health insurance

or anything else i might have overlooked, I might be inclined to say 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'

but if it DOESN'T stay in Vegas, then no way

I'm not trying to make an arguement against pot per se (although I do think it can become habitual, undermine motivation, and make the user paraniod), I'm making an arguement against exposing one's self to legal and economic consequences of an unforseen nature

alcohol, with it's own problems that might be as bad as pot, can be used legally, and be out of your system within 24 hours, used on a weekend, you can be nearly 100 percent certain you're not going to face a test before it's out of your system, assuming you're not driving or on probation

[The Flaming Red Head]

83. It works so good for arthritis. I have degenerative disk disease and other health issues

I quit smoking for years while working as a nurse for the disabled and being good mommy, but after working for years specializing with quadriplegics in home health care (loved every minute of it) i found that I had blown every the disk in my lumbar area and had to have an anterior cervical fusion on two levels. Doctors gasp at my xrays ( for my age, sex, they say it is unusual and that my injuries look like what they see on older men who have worked at heavy labor) they can see the damage, now and now have no need for MRIs.

I can get any legal thing (pain killers) within reason (when I have money to pay to see a doctor, i have no health insurance and haven't been able to get disability yet), but I have found that weed cuts down on my use of opiates and other otc nsaid pain killers. It eases up my pain and helps me alot. I wish it was legal where I live. It should be.

[markiv]

88. it should be legal for medical use, and what i said does not

apply for someone in your situation, where the medical benefit clearly outweighs any legal risk

i'm talking about pure recreational use, which i do think the OP's boyfriend does mostly fit into

[The Flaming Red Head]

93. Maybe it helps him in ways you don't know

like with his anxiety or it could act as an anti-deppresant. Pot does that for me.

We all laughed this morning after our wake and bake with our morning coffee about how much greener and prettier everything was when we smoked.

[markiv]

94. that's entirely possible

my views may be prejudiced by memories of a dropped adolecent bad habit (not mine, of course

I do think, however, with your work experience, you are in a better position to judge self-medication than he is

[cthulu2016]

8. Pots deforms personality less than other illicit drugs

Unlike alcohol and uppers, cannabis does not have those Jekyll/Hyde features.

If a long-term stoner quits for a while they'll get more ambitious and less lazy... but also probably more egoistic and aggressive. (Ambition and drive are kind of the same as egoism and agression... it's all a matter of degree.)

If you think the person is special then you might accept them as they are. They are not likely to degenerate or otherwise change for the worse in the way a drunk will.

If they don't strike you today as an irresponsible ghost who thinks wrong then you are okay with who they are self-medicated.

IMO

[OriginalGeek]

25. Ohhh, I don't think I'm any less lazy now

than when I used to smoke. Then again, I was pretty lazy before I ever heard of pot.

[Tikki]

9. Someone I love used to smoke dope..the cheap stuff..a bit nearly every day...about 25 years...

He hasn't smoked for at least 8 years and he actually started later than some at 34 years old.

I am very happy he stopped...he often seemed paranoid and said goofy things at inappropriate
times when he smoked dope. I hated that, because he is smart and a super logical person.

This is really the only experience I've had with pot smoking.

And I am super glad he stopped...and I remember him on both sides and during the pot smoking.


Tikki

[OKNancy]

11. some will tell you it's all harmless, but all I know is what I observed

This is only my knowledge based on personal experience.
I dated someone who smoked a lot. It made him listless, and honestly...lazy.
He was pretty talented in his field, but blew it. Too much of anything is bad.

[Cal Carpenter]

34. You can't necessarily pin it on the weed

The fact is, some people are listless and lazy and perfectly sober all their lives, including talented creative types with more potential.

It's just as likely that someone is a listless, lazy person, and pot goes well with that lifestyle.

Obviously you know the person you are referring to better than me, heh, and I am really just speaking hypothetically, but there is definitely a 'which came first, the chicken or the egg?' aspect to it.

In my experience, when long time stoners quit, they don't suddenly become different in their motivation level, priorities, etc. And I know plenty of stoners who are total go-getters with Tigger-like levels of energy.

[panader0]

12. I'm 62, started smoking it when I was 15, and I've only been divorced three times!

Still crazy after all these years.........

[Downwinder]

13. Would you be asking the same question about someone

who drank an alcoholic beverage every day?

[fried eggs]

49. That would disgust me as well

Maybe I'm judgmental, but why does someone need to drink alcohol every day?

[CanSocDem]

14. I'll bet...

...that what makes this person "really special" is that they consume cannabis, religiously.

.

[Care Acutely]

33. I'll bet that they're "really special" because they are young and hot.

Which eventually fades. Then you're left with an underachieving snack expert who can tell some really wild stories - when she can remember them, that is.

[1-Old-Man]

15. And I'm over 62, have smoked weed since my teen years, and still on my first marriage.

[randome]

17. All the anecdotal evidence offered here can't top how your friend behaves.

Or how you think of him/her. So I'd say you need to base your decision on what YOU have observed and what YOU like/don't like.

[NV Whino]

18. Just personal experience here

I don't smoke anything, but have several pot smoking friends. I don't see any difference from when they do or don't smoke. They, however, are not addicted. They smoke in social situations and can take it or leave it.

As a nonsmoker, I would probably have a problem with someone who was dependent on it, or thought they were dependent on it. But that would go for alcohol as well. Also, I don't allow any type of smoking in my house.

Take it slow and see how it goes. But, when in doubt, don't.

[kentuck]

20. Be careful !

She may act perfectly at first but she will eventually try to "turn you on" and your life will never be the same. You will be lucky if you are not in the alley shooting up heroin with the other junkies. Beware the evil weed!

[Demoiselle]

21. I don't think this is a question for the jury, i.e., us folks at DU.

I think you need to talk to this really special person about it.

[fried eggs]

52. I did. I told him that I think people should be able

to be themselves in a relationship, and that I felt bad that he couldn't be himself (a smoker) around me. I was trying to say that things would never work out, but ended up telling him he could smoke outside (rather than not smoke at all) when I'm around. Of course, that opens a whole new can of worms.

Thanks everyone for your responses. It's just not going to work. I seem to have a prejudice that goes beyond the actual act of smoking.

[shanti]

68. does this person smoke 24/7?

i'm guessing not. that would mean that said person IS himself the majority of the time. some smokers only partake in the evening or on weekends.

if it's a problem to you, the relationship probably wouldn't work out, nice as the person is and all. JMHO

[frogmarch]

22. My daughter, a nonsmoker, had a boyfriend who

didn’t smoke pot when they were first together. A year or so later, he resumed his pot habit and became so mellow and so apathetic about helping with housework and yardwork, that he stayed on the couch and watched TV while she did it all. She even had to take care of his pets.

[Phlem]

36. Hmmm.

I'm the smoker (vaporizer) in our family and have a prescription for it. I work in tech industry at the cutting edge of technology as a 3D artist in video games. Been smoking since a teenager, helped me combat the effects of a severely abusive family life. In a few months I will be spending my 20th anniversary with my 1st and only wife whom I practically wait on hand and foot. Yes I do the yard work, dishes, laundry, meals etc.. while she does the books and take care of our home business which we started together.

PS. Our golden retriever died at home with us recently, broke our hearts, and will take a very long time before get another dog.

oh yea, pot smoking zombie over here!



-p

[frogmarch]

40. Maybe pot smoking

affects different people in different ways.

[riderinthestorm]

59. Yes it does affect different people in different ways. Count on it.

Personally I can't have any smoke around me, or even some weird smells, because of severe asthma. Even the smell of some cleaning products can send me into an attack so its not an option for a partner/SO for me.

Beyond that, I have experience with both medical pot in the lymphoma support groups with my husband, and a 16 yr old whose been through rehab so I've been to a LOT of counseling sessions about drugs - many of them revolving around pot.

Some folks simply can't handle it. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently.

Only you can tell what you want to deal with in your life. In many states its still illegal so keep that in mind. It could be an issue. Smoking is also a serious deal breaker for some relationships and that's not insignificant. Some people can smoke and never present a different "face" while buzzed. For others you get crazy shit.

Only you and your SO can figure out if its a deal breaker for you.

[socialindependocrat]

23. I just flashed on someone who drinks every day.

I would think that it's like someone who needs that drink or two in the evening to relax.
Why do people need it every day?
I smoked for over 25 years but on weekends and parties. I stopped because work
said they would "test for cause" and if I lost my job because of something as stupid
as smoking pot - I would be pissed beyond belief -

I would rather see someone on a prescription rather than smoking pot.
The reason is, I think it's different. You get affected by pot rather than just relaxed.
And ditto to the person who said, what of the legalities having it in the car and the home.
We haven't legalized it yet and there are still people who want to screw the "drug user".

My last word of advice - No disrespect intended but - non-smokers can not know what
the experience is like so why try to give advice? It's like a guy trying to tutor a woman on
childbirth.

I think you are seeing his true nature and he may be a nice guy
but why the need to smoke every day?

Just some thoughts...

[markiv]

29. 'there are still people who want to screw the "drug user". '

that was exactly my point, the poor judgement of putting that bullseye on your back, given the reality of an infrastructure truely out to get you

[socialindependocrat]

35. My thought is for the innocent partner

These federal morons will bust and confiscate as long as there is a law that allows them to.
Look at what they do in CA to harass the Med Dealers.

Watch these shows on TV where they fly around in helicopters and
still talk like it's the 60s.

All they know is it's illegal and it's their job.

What happens when someone gets stopped and the spouse
isn't a smoker. Do they do something to teach her a lesson?
Either way the car may get confiscated...

I pictured that I would retire and the first time I go out to
buy some pot I get busted. Sorry, not for me. I'll wait till it gets
legal. Call me paranoid but I'm free and retired. I'm happy enough
for the moment.

[markiv]

41. all it takes, is someone elses pot to fall out of their pocket

in your car, and down you go if the cops ever check it

hell, i even worry about rental cars

[Avalux]

42. Advice about prescriptions to ease anxiety....

Xanax and all benzodiazepines are the most physically addictive prescribed drugs. You need more and more of them to ease the anxiety, and trying to quit after a period of time can ruin your life. Between the two, weed is the better choice, and is not physically addictive.

Xanax withdrawal effects:

insomnia/difficulty sleeping
intense dreams/nightmares
concentration/memory problems
panic attacks (feelings of impending death, a rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, shaking, tremors and chills)
hallucinations, feelings of de-personalization, de-realization and sensory hypersensitvity
depression including suicidal thoughts
pervasive sadness
apathy and excessive sleeping
obsession
aggression
muscle stiffness in the limbs, back, neck and jaw
muscles spasms or tremors
nerve tingling or pins and needles sensations, itching and burning pain
other nerve problems: numbness and electric shocks or feeling hot and cold
tension headaches or jaw and teeth pain
sweating and trouble breathing
gastrointestinal disturbances such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and constipation
seizures

[socialindependocrat]

45. Isn't there anything non-addictive?

I thought there would be other drugs that were more low-key.

If not, then we ought to get to legalization more quickly.

This occurred to me also. Why would I feel differently about pot
and not about prescription drugs. I've read that the cannabinoid
compounds that are used for medical treatment do not have the
effects of MJ when it is smoked. I remember all the different types
and some left me zombie-like and some made me laugh my ass off.
I guess thats what makes me wonder if the daily smoker is in it
for the high and if they just took some medical cannabinoid if they
would still be attracted to it if they didn't get a buzz.

The people who are taking it for medical reasons, I can see the need
as long as it helps with a person's symptoms.

[Avalux]

108. There are herbals like St. John's Wort and Valerian Root....

these can help with anxiety, so can meditation and exercise. When it comes to prescription drugs, just because they're legal doesn't mean they're benign or good for you. I know way too much from working in clinical research for the past 25 years. Sometimes the side effects can be much worse than the disease/condition the drugs are meant to treat.

Medical marijuana is appropriate for people with acute/chronic pain; the advantage is that it isn't physically addictive, the side effects are so much less than prescriptions for the same purpose, and it actually does relieve pain.

Of course people smoke it to get high, that will never change, but there are definitely reasons for marijuana to be made legal; I think the positives outweigh the negatives when it comes to beneficial medical purposes.

[yawnmaster]

24. Better to focus on the cause of the constant anxiety than the smoking. eom

[timdog44]

26. Only thing I would say

is that an attraction has begun, and a part of this person's makeup is to be a pot smoker. And you seem to indicate you are getting serious. If you are thinking of changing someone to your standards, best not to start out in the first place.

Plus, if smoke bothers you, do brownies.

[Bennyboy]

27. 57 here, everday, divorced 3 times and smoking pot had little to do

with any of them ending. None of my women, smoked pot or did much while I do every minute I am awake.

I don't like my non loaded self. I am not as creative and am edgier, jumpier. less interested in anything, and especially others, with a very pronounced lack of patience.

I knew the first time I smoked it it was thing for me and calmed me down. And every time I ahve tried to not smoke pot it has resluted in the worst episodes of my life.

I would have a problem if there was growing or sales going on though>Still criminal and still like gold. And as my experience attests, people will kill for gold.

[Leslie Valley]

44. None of my women?

May do more to explain 3 ex's than pot.

[Bennyboy]

46. I changed it from chicks....

babes? really you all are making it too hard. What would be the difference between that and ex wives? My ex wives would still be possessive would it not? And from what I know now, "women" is the accepted nomenclature correct? So "my women" seems as PC as can be.

just like a woman to bust my balls over semantics, however. (Just kidding..... or not)

[otohara]

28. Not Around You?

but let's say he takes a couple hits before picking you up.
which he probably is

[Hekate]

30. My former son in law lost all motivation, but then he was a jerk at all times.

My neighbor smokes it for his serious migraines, and it helps. He tells his Bible study group that pot is an herb given to us by God (something like that -- I think he quotes a special Bible verse).

Another friend, in her mid to late 60s, smokes a joint every night to help her sleep and ease the arthritis pain. She generously insisted I try some several years ago while I was visiting overnight, and I have to say it activated my asthma and gave me a hangover the next morning.

I could probably qualify for a medical marijuana card myself on the basis of several different conditions, but since I get along okay without it I would just as soon stay out of the legal hassle, as I have all my life.

On the other hand, dh and I are now 66 and 65, and with the change in his medical plan have suffered serious sticker shock for our various prescribed medications. If push came to shove and I had to give up some of the more outrageously priced ones, I would give very serious consideration to getting a card and growing some of my own.

Just my limited experience, but have given it a lot of thought.

[The Flaming Red Head]

81. Weed makes me motivated.

My family knows I'm getting high if they come home and the house is spotless, I have music playing, and something good is cooking. I'm like the atypical pot head cause instead of doing nothing it makes me want to clean house, cook, and decorate. They laugh their asses off at me. Weed is like my Ritalin

[Warpy]

31. No. As long as the person isn't hiding it in your home

and being careless with it when you're together, just take him or her at his or her word that it helps reduce anxiety. If it's medical pot, you have few legal worries for dating a daily smoker.

Pot doesn't really blunt the personality the way a lot of psychiatric medications do, so there's no problem there.

What you can do if it's medical pot and you want the relationship to move forward but don't want to live in a smoked up house is introduce the person to vaporization. That releases the psychoactive chemicals in cannabis without actual combustion and is a lot better for the health of the smoker.

http://www.420vaporizers.com/

ETA: I should mention that I knew quite a few cutting edge researchers at MIT who toked up daily when I worked there. Pot doesn't destroy motivation unless the person was pretty unmotivated before s/he started to smoke it.

[RevStPatrick]

32. Hey... It's 4:20!

Just sayin'...

[SoCalMusicLover]

39. Saturday Counts Double

Don't let those 2 opportunities pass you by. If you do it right, you can toke up at 4:20 AM, go back to sleep for 11 hours, and wake up in time to do it all over again.

[RevStPatrick]

43. Woo-Hoo!!! Twice on Saturdays!!!

Dear fried eggs,

The point here being that some of us enjoy smoking.
Others don't.
It's up to you what works for you and your relationships.
Good luck!

[Cal Carpenter]

38. Only you can answer your last question

I wouldn't ever call it petty though. If this feels like a fundamental problem for you, then it probably is. Not petty at all.

I *don't* think pot, even daily use, hides a person's personality. I do think it can help a lot of people who suffer anxiety.

I also think some non-smokers can have great relationships with those who do smoke pot. And some cannot (and vice versa).

I think a big question you have to ask yourself is, if this relationship were to blossom and continue, at some point you will be confronted with the smoke/smoking more directly, so can you deal with that? Or is it a deal-breaker (in terms of marriage, future, kids, whatever)?

Will it always be a bone of contention, turned into some passive-aggressive resentment?

Only you can answer that.

[Le Taz Hot]

48. In 99% of users,

pot does not hide a "true" personality. I'm guessing you're comparing it those who claim that one's "true" personality comes out when one drinks. Cannabis and alcohol are ENTIRELY different in every aspect. That 1%? Weird affect of either a) over-the-top paranoia or b)induces crazy anger. But in all the years I've been smoking, I've seen each of these 1 time.

Cannabis is outstanding for easing anxiety. I've used it for exactly the same reason for 40 years.

Whether or not you want to end the relationship is up to you. I can tell you that I smoke pot but my husband doesn't and we're fine with it.

[RobinA]

85. It Always Amazes Me

when people say pot helps them with anxiety. I smoked for quite some time because I liked the way it made me think. I eventually stopped because it started making me really anxious. I would love to get my enjoyment of it back, the anxiety pretty much dominates everything now.

[Le Taz Hot]

105. Remember, different strains

have different affects. The strains I have generally just get my creative juices flowing and just kind of mellows my ass out all at the same time. You may just be one of that 1% of people who are affected adversely by it. It does happen. My husband smoked it ONE time and got crazy paranoid. It took him about 3 days to shake of the effects.

[TeamPooka]

50. If you love who they are why would you want to change them?

[grantcart]

51. A more relevent question

What is causing his anxiety?


Not making any judgments, could be chemical imbalance, but I would be more interested in that question than the pot, or alcohol, etc.

[TheKentuckian]

53. Get him a vaporizer. He'll likely love it (even he still smokes it a times) and you won't have the

reaction to the smoke.

As far as the personality aspect, I doubt it would be dramatic but there likely would be some impact...edginess, less interest in his interests and hobbies, a little shorter fuse maybe, more easily bored.

I think most but not all should imbibe, get him the vap and try it yourself. Might turn out to be good for you.

[fried eggs]

63. I'll google that. I know it can't be what I'm imagining, which is

a plug in device that will get everyone in the room high? lol

[marlakay]

98. You really have no idea of what it is

Reminds of those scary movies back in the 70's. Not like that at all. If you did it just once you would see its not what you think.

My husband has a card and smokes a few times a week, I do it rarely.

He has a vaporizer, it's a compact one that looks like a cell phone. No smoke, can't smell it in room.

Yes right after smoking when he is feeling the most of its affects he is extra happy, loves his music more so I guess that makes him different but in a good way.

Actually he is invigorated by it, gets more work done.

What it does to me is just mellows me a bit like taking a 3 mg Valium very low dose barely feel it.

Basically you need to decide if you can accept him as he is, people don't change.

[killbotfactory]

60. It's really no big deal.

Honestly, Beer and wine are harder drugs.

[mick063]

61. Best answer?

Case by case basis.

The bottom line is ................ you still enjoy his company, don't you?


Keep it simple. Either you love his company or you don't.

[morningfog]

62. Are you serious?

Your name sounds familiar. Have you posted on smoking pot before? Negatively, perhaps?

[olddots]

65. I was thinking the same thing

The questions seem so leading .

[morningfog]

66. I am almost certain I went around with this poster, but can't remember and the advanced search is

not working right now.

[fried eggs]

70. It's possible.

As I said, I'm disgusted by smoke and, I'll admit, a little judgmental too.

[morningfog]

71. In that case, cool story bro!

Nice flame baiting.

[fried eggs]

73. Huh? It's not a story

and what is the flame bait?

[Marr]

84. I'm having visions of that commercial for some reason.

"This is your brain on drugs"... fried eggs...

Yeah.

[SomethingFishy]

64. It's impossible to answer this for you...

Every person is different.

Ask yourself if it's the smoke that bothers you, or the fact that they smoke. If it's the fact that they smoke then you have to judge for yourself how "special" this person is to you. Special enough to change your views that smoking pot is disgusting? Because that's what it's going to take. If you give this person an ultimatum "me or the pot" you will lose either way. You will lose the "special" person if they choose pot or, they will resent you for making them choose, and the relationship will be over before it starts.

Now if it's just the smoke that bothers you there are all kinds of ways to fix that. Vaporizing is the best solution, for you and your friend. There is no smoke, it vaporizes the THC and you get a little puff of vapor instead of burning leaves. There are also edibles drinks, candies.... Lots of ways to "smoke pot"


I don't usually say too much about myself but I'll tell you this, I smoke daily. I have a son with Autism, a son we adopted who has Muscular Dystrophy, my wife has been on oxygen 24/7 and in a wheelchair outside of the house for the last 2 years. We also seem to be a home for wayward strays, the past year has been our nephew on our couch. So even though I smoke daily I manage to carry 6 people. (Just as an aside I live in Colorado where it is now legal!)

On the other hand I know pot smokers who can barely hold a job..

Every person is different.

You need to decide for yourself if they are worth it. Do you accept this person as they are or not?

I wish you all the best..

[fried eggs]

72. Thank you. He's not a lazy smoker

He has his own business and is very active. He's really nice too. But he's so addicted that he smokes in bed while on the verge of sleep. That's so dangerous and a turn off.

[riderinthestorm]

75. Sorry but nobody should be smoking in bed. Period. So dangerous. nt

[SomethingFishy]

76. Then talk to him about it...

If he's as good a person as you say he'll make some adjustments. Relationships are about compromise.

[Le Taz Hot]

89. There are NO addictive qualities

to cannabis. Just FYI.

[Rex]

69. What was the question again?

[Paul E Ester]

74. Assuming money is not an issue it should not be a problem.

If you're both on a budget after a while you'll be bummed the money is going up in smoke. If they are otherwise functional and special go for it. A LTR where one person is a daily smoker and the other isn't can work fine.

[Honeycombe8]

77. IMO, anyone who does a drug, incl. alcohol, every day...

has some issues, whether they are psychological, dependence, addiction issues, or whatever.

I say this not as a prude, but as someone who hopes pot is legalized, and who imbibed in my young days (quite a bit).

Whether their personality would change if he stopped, I don't know. But he's not going to stop, so you don't have to be concerned about that.

[Luminous Animal]

95. Really. I drink 2 glasses of wine with dinner every day. I don't have issues.

I enjoy wine with dinner.

I also drink one very strong cup of coffee in the morning.

I also go into the garden to smell the flowers and herbs every day. In late summer, a handful or sun warmed sweet cherry tomatoes will send me into a reverie. And the scent while trimming my pineapple sage sidetracks me altogether.

All contribute to my mental and physical well being.

[Blue_In_AK]

99. I really like what you said, Luminous Animal.

I don't drink the wine with dinner, and I have more like four or five cups of coffee a day, but I too can get sidetracked by the garden smells in the summer. And I do enjoy my nightly toke or two. I refuse to feel guilty about any of that.

[Honeycombe8]

100. Let me rephrase: Getting high or buzzed every day is an issue.

By the way, if you're male you can handle 2 glasses of wine. It depends on body weight. For many, 2 glasses is an issue. And if you have a problem with drugs, even a sip is bad news.

I used to smoke every day. It contributed, at the time, to my mental and physical well being. Until it didn't.

Nicotine is a drug, too. Caffeine, in moderate amounts, is beneficial, as is ONE small glass of wine (PREFERABLY GRAPE JUICE, which has the same good effects). So is nicotine. Pot serves a purpose, as well. So does morphine.

All drugs have effects, good and bad. To get high every day shows a problem, maybe not being able to face reality.

[seabeyond]

87. depends if they take a couple hits and gets on with life. or sits on couch all day, hit after hit

a high only last so long. if they take a hit and go off and do stuff, tis fun.

if they smoke until comatose not fun at all and i would walk away.

[The Flaming Red Head]

92. If someone drinks coffee everyday does caffeine make them a different person

maybe. What about sugar, maybe.

You sound very young and unsure about pot and whether it makes someone a bad person. I would say no it doesn't change who or what someone is and if you had to choose between a hard drinker or someone who regularly smokes weed, then i would tell you to choose the pot head. Potheads are less likely to be volatile, mean, and combative than alcoholics . Even if liquor is the legal drug, it is still much worse for you and society, in every way, than pot (physically, mentally, socially)

I would suggest that since you are a non smoker, that you make a rule that smoking pot will be done outside, the garage or only in a designated well ventilated area or room that you deem ok. You have that right and it helps to set boundaries in any relationship and i know couples who have that rule where one smokes and the other doesn't and they do really good and have longterm committed partnerships. But remember if you want to try pot without smoke that pot comes in edible forms, so if you don't like to smoke, you might like a try a sucker, a pastry or a cake. i even had some THC oil that you rubbed on your skin.

As for drugs and weed in particular to me it's about civil liberties, person freedom, and autonomy.

I actually think all drugs should be legal for all adults. If there is no children involved and you're not hurting anyone, the government should stay out of our bodies and homes.

I always thought that testing was more about disenfranchising whole segments of society, punishing people for making different life style choices and discouraging liberal thinking and keeping certain groups ( by arresting them and putting felonies on their record) from even being able to access a ballot box to change things.

The war on drugs is a war on our citizens. Having a standing army against our own citizens and then harassing them, confiscating their property, and then putting our own people in for profit jails to work as slaves for corporations is not what the Preamble in the Declaration of Independence is talking about.

The older I get the more impatient i get with our government (right and left) and the drugs laws they continue to pass and uphold and the whole thing looks even more unfair to me in my 40s then it did when i was a teenager.

It's hypocritical and evil and vile for pharmaceutical companies to shove amphetamines ( Adderall, Ritalin) down young children's throats and then wonder why they are doing meth or coke 10 years down the road. Most gateway drugs are handed out in elementary school by teachers, nurses, and parents. Kid's first encounter with drugs is at a very early age, ADD drugs, anti-depressants, and benzo's are given to school age children to make them more socially acceptable, easier to control inside and outside of the classroom, (this also makes share holders in drug companies rich. Who are the real drug dealers?) This sets all our children up for a lifetime of reaching for chemical solutions to life's problems and we wonder why there is a drug problem in our country.

[In_The_Wind]

111. Well put. I agree.

[olddots]

107. Dear Fried

"pot" is a very mysterious substance it relaxes some people and does the opposite in others .It can be a sensitizer and a desensitizer ,enhance feelings of pain and help reduce feelings of pain .
It is normally smoked to bring on a quicker " high " as the commie perverts call it . If ingested orally the "high comes on slower and
lasts much longer plus can be a " bummer trip " as the godless hippies say .

Thank you for your leading questions which may be a way of classifying DU members as law breaking sinners and hedonistic low
lifes and may you find love and happiness with a person of your background and upbringing .

Sincerely Geets Romo

[Taverner]

109. Pot, to the regular user, is most likely just more mellow than usual

True personality, with a chaser

[In_The_Wind]

112. The personality isn't hidden, just slightly altered.

It sounds like you need to look elsewhere for a love interest as your open mind isn't conducive to allowing the person you are dating their freedom of choice.