After monitoring every minute of CNN

[Ichingcarpenter]

BOSTON (The Borowitz Report)—Authorities who have spent the past forty-eight hours combing CNN in the hopes of finding any information whatsoever have called off their search, they confirmed today.

“After monitoring every minute of CNN’s broadcast since Monday, we have found hearsay, rumors, falsehoods, and a steady stream of inane commentary,” one authority said. “Everything but information.”

The announcement was the second black eye today for CNN, which earlier in the afternoon recanted all of its reporting dating back to mid-2009.

Newly installed CNN chief Jeff Zucker acknowledged that the network had experienced “a rough patch” since he took over earlier this year, but added, “At least no one was watching.”


http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/04/no-information-found-on-cnn.html?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(108)

[hepkat]

1. MSNBC got it right - only cable channel that did

So no they are not just like faux.

[a kennedy]

13. CBS did too, as far as saying "NO suspect has been arrested"....

Faux and CNN were the only ones saying that there had been an arrest. I was switching from channel to channel all during that time frame.

[Ash_F]

2. "At least no one was watching.”

[Sherman A1]

3. I have found the best thing to do

after an event similar to Boston, Newtown or alike is to turn off the TV. The only thing the media gets right in the short term is that the event occurred and beyond that it is simply a series of talking heads interviewing each other, speculating and getting the information all balled up, with local media looking for a tie in to their own communities and simply adding to the noise. I wait at least a day to let the dust settle and then look online at a variety of stories.

[AngryOldDem]

4. Sad and desperate attempt to make itself relevant.

I follow several news sites a day, and found it strange that nobody else but CNN was headlining that an arrest had been made. My bullshit detector went up, and whaddya know -- it's still in fine working order.

I guess it's worth the ensuing embarrassment of a retraction to be "the first" with a big news scoop.

[MissNostalgia]

6. I was hoping I was wrong

I had that same feeling about CNN, but hoped they would prove me wrong. They are identical to fox, misinforming or conjuring headlines as a baiting ploy for ratings. False news organizations making money off tragedies, its sick, but isn't new.

[MADem]

5. Ah, satire...wonder why they never go after Faux in this fashion? They make CNN look like PBS! nt

[nxylas]

7. Too easy?

Which, paradoxically, makes it more difficult. Satirising Fox Noise is like shooting fish in a barrel, which means that to be worthwhile, you need to have something more to say than the obvious.

[MADem]

10. I think some people are still afraid of Rupert, from back in the Dubya days...

Many don't realize that he's been de-fanged.

[dotymed]

12. Seriously, I was in Knoxville,Tn. last week-end

for the birth of my first born Grandchild (She is so precious). I tuned in to a PBS station and listened to a talk-show
speaking against Unions. That was it for me and PBS...
The host was telling his audience how mean-spirited Union workers are in an open shop......

[MADem]

20. The Dumbya Legacy!!! It will be another decade before the bulk of those jerks are shifted!

Dumbya seeded the Corporation for Public Broadcasting with his little shit-cronies, who influenced hiring down the food chain. That's why, in the middle of those dark years, you saw Moyers disappear in favor of some shitty Wall Street-friendly programming.

Those people are still at work.

It will be a while before the trash is taken out. There's still some good stuff on PBS; tune that in, and ignore the rest. If you give to them, tell them what shows you think suck. It can't hurt!

[malaise]

8. Perfect

[Ichingcarpenter]

9. I posted this on the games they play

early on.



http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022684866

[liberal N proud]

11. CNN - The new FOX

Honestly Unfair Everywhere.

[lunatica]

14. CNN showed its racist streak too

They came up with the description of the non-existent arrestee as 'dark skinned'.

[dotymed]

18. My Son and I were on the

road home from knoxville. He found the breaking story on twitter. Some media (don't know which one) had posted a picture
of a Saudi man (identified as such) with his hands up, a hood placed on his face after his arrest for the Boston Bombing...

[countmyvote4real]

15. TW, please, sell it off with the magazines.

Or at least bury it somewhere in the sell-off of useless assets.

[florida08]

16. Associated Press also reported it yesterday

Had sent the link out only to turn on MSNBC to find out it was botched info.

[dotymed]

17. I find this cluster of tragedies,

very tragic and also unsettling that they happened so close together. I worry about the victims and also a "patriot act III."
Many newsworthy political stories were forgotten in their wake. It is really tragic (thesaurus needed) that I fear "my" govt......

[Supersedeas]

19. sadly funny that this is the excuse we get for "journalism" since Bush v. Gore