General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forumsa girl in my nieces school is pregnant.
Last edited Mon Apr 15, 2013, 09:33 AM - Edit history (1)
She is in sixth grade....
SIXTH GRADE!!!!!
I know nothing beyond that..(I know which school she goes to..but iam not saying that here)
My brother in law and I have a daughter each and are trembling in our boots...
What went wrong here...Whom do we want to blame?
On Edit:
I apologise I never considered the possibility of a predator .... and my options came across as being insensitive ... but assuming that there were no predation involved and that this was consensual sex between kids in the school ...clearly some thing is broken ... I just want to know what they might be ...
14 votes, 1 pass | Time left: Unlimited | |
It\'s her fault for being stupid..if she knew enough to try..She should have known enough to protect herself | |
0 (0%) |
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She and her partner..for reasons above. | |
0 (0%) |
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the girls parents for not putting the fear of God into her.. | |
1 (7%) |
|
the school for not teaching about sex ed soon enough | |
2 (14%) |
|
God denying liberals and their anything goes agenda | |
0 (0%) |
|
we as a society...we are too obsessed with sex and our kids subjected to weird ideas | |
7 (50%) |
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It\'s a tragedy...but it\'s none of our business. | |
4 (29%) |
|
1 DU member did not wish to select any of the options provided. | |
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Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll |
Butterbean
(1,014 posts)Like you said, nothing else is known. This child needs support and help, not judgment and to be treated like a pariah or freak.
Dorian Gray
(13,469 posts)Agree 100%
We don't know any details. It's not right to assign "blame" to anyone. She could be a victim of a predator. She could have had her first sexual encounter and was careless. But why should we find fault with anyone here. She's still a child and needs care and love.
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)This is tragic and none of our business but I hope the girl gets help.
Orrex
(63,085 posts)Still a crime?
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)Orrex
(63,085 posts)How are the criminals punished in such cases?
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)thankfully the children that I know who were threatened with such action we're not actually charged.
Orrex
(63,085 posts)Do the two children risk jail time, for instance?
Not being snarky here--I simply don't know what state you're in or what its laws are.
Thanks.
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)I am in WI.
I imagine the juvenile system would focus more on assistance and counseling rather than punitive.
Laelth
(32,017 posts)I will take a pass on your poll.
-Laelth
Quantess
(27,630 posts)I suppose the girl got pregnant all by herself, huh.
Orrex
(63,085 posts)Those sneaky little parthenogenesizers!
HereSince1628
(36,063 posts)southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)helped get her that way? You need to add the boy and girl being getting themselves in this position. But saying that as a parent I would watch the company my daughter was with. Young girls 12,13,14 and 15 shouldn't be dating boys. Maybe parents should let their friends get together at each others homes. We used to have parties where we would get together in mixed company. I mean not a big crowd. But our parents would let us have pizza party and we could have records we'd all listen and dance to and play games or just watch tv or play games. Good clean fun. Our parents would check in often. By the way the kids liked it because they felt no pressure but clean fun. We didn't have booze or drugs. We wanted to behave because we wanted to have our friends over.
Quantess
(27,630 posts)that out-of-wedlock pregnancy is a "crime" that deserves a "punishment".
Anti-choicers world revolves around this concept. The girl should not be able to escape "punishment" for her "crime" of getting pregnant, and must be forced to continue the pregnancy. An abortion, (or even contraceptives, for extreme anti-choicers) is cheating.
The funny thing is, I don't see it the way that you apparently see it. It's very apparent the way you have set up your poll choices. I don't see it as a matter of crime & punishment. To me, it is a behavioral and health issue.
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)I agree with the rest of your post, but a sixth-grader cannot legally consent to sex.
Quantess
(27,630 posts)However, the "father" could be the same age.
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)cleanhippie
(19,705 posts)PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)cleanhippie
(19,705 posts)to understand the law that says they cannot consent to sex.
I am not arguing children having sex, I'm pointing out the total absurdity of a law that makes criminals out of children for engaging in a natural behavior.
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)I imagine the juvenile system would focus more on assistance and counseling rather than punitive. Depending on how that's handled it might not be a bad thing.
cleanhippie
(19,705 posts)But alas, we cater to ignorant people claiming "parents rights" ensuring that the ignorance is passed on...
Comrade Grumpy
(13,184 posts)Response to PeaceNikki (Reply #9)
HereSince1628 This message was self-deleted by its author.
srican69
(1,426 posts)The cause...Ian not interested in consequences
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)Blame or cause cannot be determined with the information you've provided.
Quantess
(27,630 posts)You did not mention crime and punishment, but it's implied. This is the mindset of anti-choicers: that an unwanted pregnancy is first and foremost something we get to be judgmental about, in particular, judgmental about the female.
Nothing in your poll indicates an interest in how the insemination happened, so that's just B.S.
You aren't interested in figuring out the cause, you are interested in pinpointing blame (without ever knowing how the pregnancy occurred). How about making the poor girl wear a scarlet letter P around her neck?
Edit for clarity
cbdo2007
(9,213 posts)by deeming it a behavioral and health issue. Whether it is "crime & punishment" or "behavioral and health" issue both ignore the logical conclusion that has occurred when this situation has happened many, many times over the past million years....the situation needs no interference. If she wants to have the baby, let her have the baby and we should all mind our own business. Maybe her and the baby's dad will end up having a great life together and they don't need interference from grown ups who think they know what's best for her, when people have been having babies since the beginning of time.
Quantess
(27,630 posts)Human biology says go for it, reproduce!, while our society says 14 year olds shouldn't be having babies.
In my opinion, teenagers have no business having babies, and that should be a bigger priority than shaming or judgmental finger wagging, or "punishing" the girl by forcing her to continue the pregnancy. But, choice is choice.
99Forever
(14,524 posts).. to be every bit as disturbing as a 6th grader being pregnant. Especially when you don't know any of the details of how it happened.
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)srican69
(1,426 posts)I am just trying to understand that the causative agents...why is this so hard,?
Quantess
(27,630 posts)The entire poll revolves around: Who do we cast our judgements upon? What in particular should we be judgemental about?
Edit spelling
99Forever
(14,524 posts)VERY judgmental. Without having ALL of the facts you can't even begin to "understand the causative agents." You have almost none of the facts, yet aren't shy about pointing an accusing finger.
Marrah_G
(28,581 posts)What's even stranger is that you are asking a group of strangers on the internet to guess.
Just focus on opening a dialog with your own child.
Egalitarian Thug
(12,448 posts)jberryhill
(62,444 posts)srican69
(1,426 posts)What a cop out
jberryhill
(62,444 posts)Sorry, but I'm pretty sure that what we have here is a biological phenomenon for which I am certainly not responsible.
BlueStreak
(8,377 posts)We evolved to procreate. Every species does. The fact that the OP thinks this is wrong is a function of social moires, not of nature.
I agree that our 12-year-olds will have more successful lives if they don't get pregnant at that age. But that isn't the message they are getting.
cbdo2007
(9,213 posts)just about the worst thing they can imagine. It was commonplace 500 years ago and is a fairly rare occurrance these days. I know somebody who got pregnant in 6th grade and am Facebook friends with her now. She's doing just fine. Has a husband and a couple more kids, a nice house with a pool. Not sure why people thing her situation is so tragic.
treestar
(82,383 posts)If a girl gets pregnant, she is physically old enough to do it and social mores have moved it farther and farther up the scale, but that is not biology. Weird to think how short life and childhood must have been for people in the dark ages and earlier.
patricia92243
(12,590 posts)Republican.
How about "She is the victim of sexual abuse" even if she gave "consent." She cannot give "consent" because she is a child.
By the way, choice #5 tell a lot.
Disgusting poll!
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)Or is this just gossip run amok?
I don't know why blame has to be assigned here. Especially since there aren't more facts available. It's really none of anybody else's business.
edit to add - What 'weird ideas' are you talking about?
You also sound pretty judgemental.
GeorgeGist
(25,294 posts)you're a know nothing troll.
City Lights
(25,171 posts)If you know nothing beyond the fact that she's pregnant and in 6th grade, maybe you shouldn't trying to assign blame.
MineralMan
(146,192 posts)prosecute.
Marrah_G
(28,581 posts)And frankly, you probably shouldn't judge either. Just take the news as a reminder to have a long talk with your own daughter. Maybe even read up a little on the best ways to discuss things with her at her age.
RevStPatrick
(2,208 posts)And frankly, the part that is the LEAST disturbing to me in this instance, is the fact that a 12 year-old got pregnant.
You might want to think about that...
unc70
(6,095 posts)This happened routinely 50-60 years ago when I was growing up in eastern NC. Every year or two in my small school. Much the same in those around it. The father was almost always about the same age. There seemed to be little pattern regarding race, religion, or status. It just happened.
(There were other cases but that were more nefarious, but they seemed to be a couple of years older. Will recheck with professionals to see what the current status is.)
I agree that the tone if this thread is itself disturbing.
muriel_volestrangler
(101,154 posts)Only when I've done that will I have the slightest chance of picking one of your options. We do have 14 mind-readers on DU, it seems, who have been able to go through all that. Or maybe they're just picking answers at random from your ridiculous "whom do we want to blame" question.
snooper2
(30,151 posts)where kids kept using for make out sessions during recess-
I imagine it will be torn down now-
LeftishBrit
(41,192 posts)It could be also be a slightly older teenager. But until we know whether this is the disastrous consequence of too-early experimentation by a pair of kids, or a serious crime by an adult, I don't think one can judge further.
ieoeja
(9,748 posts)IdaBriggs
(10,559 posts)And by "inappropriately" I mean:
1) When they should be concentrating on completing their basic education;
2) Before they have established a position of financial stability; and
3) Without the benefit of a mature, supportive, nurturing and loving partnership.
If you can figure out where to apportion "blame" then you have a chance of "doing something" to prevent your own offspring from being one of these "bad statistics" (where young girls and their children end up condemned to a lifetime of poverty and bad relationships due to a lack of education and opportunities that would have been available if they had opted to "delay gratification" until a more appropriate time in their lives - preferably after they have graduated college, begun satisfying careers, and met a partner capable of being a positive example to your future grandchildren, for example/among other easy obvious things).
And yes, every situation is different, and not everyone's life is "ruined" forever by these early bad decisions, but the reason it is a cliche is because *MOST* are going to come down on the wrong side of those statistics, especially with the failings of our social safety nets.]
But if you expect most of the people who are going to respond to you to actually offer insights, personal experiences, or actual useful information/thoughts, you haven't been paying attention to the DU "tsk, tsk" patrol.
Most of the responses you are going to get will be in the "how dare you judge?" and "cluck-cluck-none of your business!" variety, with at least half a dozen, "this is a made-up story, and you are trolling!" tossed in for good measure.
For myself, I advise a serious sit-down with your daughter to discuss "how" babies are made, the expectations for levels of intimacy that are "acceptable" in a relationship (per you and your family mores) at different stages in her life, how you are going to "protect her" from being put in positions where someone can pressure/persuade her to cross over those lines before she is ready (the cruelty of a parent who randomly drug tests can often be used as an excuse NOT to try illegal drugs before college, for example, and if you don't meet the parents chaperoning any party your child attends/pick her up at an early hour, you are a moron), why what she sees on television isn't how things go in real life, what her/your hopes/dreams/goals for her life are, and how you are all working to make sure she achieves them, and then crazy stuff like making sure she has a good relationship with her parents / has some kind of positive fun experience with them every week, which automatically will lessen her time to build sex-based relationships with people who she might feel inclined to please because they make her feel loved/included (when she is getting it from her family), etc.
Adolescence is a tough time; she will be doing the "hormone mood change" and need loving/nurturing while she may not always be the most pleasant person to deal with - you need to make sure you keep the lines of communication open, while clearly not being a friend, because you are a parent; families that sit down to dinner together (not in front of the television) statistically do better at graduating their children from high school without unplanned pregnancy, but "every child is different" and the joke about "how can you tell a teenager is lying/they are moving their lips" has some unpleasant truths for many (which is why you may wish to join the 'no sleepover' club now); keeping her active outside of school (sports, dance, animal shelter) will also help - you want her to see that there is more to life than a sexual relationship.
If it doesn't offend, I recommend reading some of the *excellent* advice put out there by the Church of Latter-Day Saints (disclaimer: I am *NOT* a member) on how to make sure "family" is a bunch of people you want to be around for eternity. They have been promoting "sitting down for dinner together" and "weekly home evenings (where the family spends an evening together once a week with different members picking the activities)" for years before it was popular; of course, if you go Muslim, no dating ever - so, woo hoo?
Good luck!
srican69
(1,426 posts)everyone will benefit by reading it .
IdaBriggs
(10,559 posts)that the other options I "suggested" will be getting/giving (and now that I've looked over the rest of the thread, I was right on target - sigh).
I love when DU is actually a "discussion board" instead of an echo chamber; with thousands of people posting, you would think we could get more actually (what is that word?) oh, yes - DISCUSSION.
This is a pretty scary topic in general - sexual mores are so personal that they aren't easy to talk about without offending someone (which is why my suggestion was that your family discuss your family's value system, and why you hold it).
But thank you for the kind words!
muriel_volestrangler
(101,154 posts)If you wanted a mature reply, then you should have written a mature OP, rather than one asking us to blame someone in a situation we know nothing of.
I blame you. For your crappy poll.
Sheepshank
(12,504 posts)Are you trying to resolve or set the blame for this one situation...we don't know enough to do that.
Or are you thinking more globally about how to fix young teen pregnanices...because none of your options applies.
I did not respond to your poll
LittleBlue
(10,362 posts)Luckily these days, most of us have access to birth control and abortion. So even if a mistake is made, it can be corrected.
Other than that, good luck to the girl and her parents in dealing with this.
hamsterjill
(15,214 posts)Well then what IS the business of discussion on Democratic Underground?
It's not as if the original poster has named the girl, the school, etc.? She's asking what other people think about a situation and desiring feedback from supposedly LIKE minded individuals.
A young lady who is in the sixth grade has NO business being pregnant. She is still a child herself and does not have either the physical maturity nor the emotional maturity to have a baby. And yes, her body may be able to bear the child, but then again, it may not be able to bear the child and she may have all kinds of difficulties. If the biological father is known, he should be dealt with in the manner appropriate for his age. If the father is another sixth grader and the sex was consensual, then I don't think he should be charged with rape. If the father is in his 20's, even if the sex was consensual, then he does need to be charged.
It's the business of all of humanity to care for one another, and it's not a crime to be concerned about the young girl's situation. It's a savvy parent who tries to learn from other's experiences in trying to protect their own child. I hope for her sake that this pregnant young lady receives good counselling about ALL options available to her, including the option of terminating the pregnancy.
muriel_volestrangler
(101,154 posts)HappyMe
(20,277 posts)The girl in the OP is not related to the poster. This is a private matter between the girl, the boy and their parents.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)Option 1: blame the stupid kid
Option 2: blame the stupid kids
Option 3: blame the lazy godless parents
Option 4: blame the lazy teachers (who may be prohibited by law from teaching sex ed)
Option 5: blame the horny godless liberals
Option 6: blame everybody!
Option 7: blame nobody!
If that is the common thought process on this website, then I'm in the wrong place.
srican69
(1,426 posts)Xithras
(16,191 posts)The youngest girl I ever had sex with was 12, and was in 6th grade. I was 13 at the time, a freshly minted middle schooler. There was no love, no desire to make babies, just normal childhood curiosity. She had been one of my best friends for years, and after a conversation that drifted to our mutual curiosity about sex, we started a game of "can I touch it" that turned into full intercourse after a little while.
It was driven more by curiosity than anything, and it only happened once, so I wouldn't say that anyone is "to blame" for it. Kids will be kids, kids can be curious, and sometimes kids do dumb things. That's just part of being a kid. Luckily, no babies resulted from my personal experience, but these things do happen.
Sometimes what's needed isn't blame, but understanding.
Zoeisright
(8,339 posts)No "intelligent" anything would make human beings fertile at that age. The brain isn't fully developed at age 25, for christ's sake.
And we obviously need sex education in schools starting in middle school.