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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsDoctors Reveal Dick Cheney Burning Through At Least 3 Hearts Each Week
JACKSON HOLE, WYA team of doctors responsible for the care of Dick Cheney revealed Thursday that for the past few years, the former vice president has burned through a minimum of three hearts every week. Within a time span of 48 hours or so, Mr. Cheney generally exhausts his heart until it is totally unusable, at which point he comes in for a fresh heart transplant to get him through the next few days, said cardiac surgeon Dr. Anthony Griener, noting that when a spent heart is pulled from Cheneys thoracic cavity, it generally emerges smoldering, shriveled, and completely black, at times also secreting a corrosive, viscous brown liquid. Hes had so many transplants at this point that we no longer even have to apply general anesthesia or make a new incision for the procedure. He comes in, we chat with him for a bit while we pry open his chest, and we insert a fresh heart. Then hes on his way. Doctors also revealed that Cheney is thriving under these conditions and will likely continue to live for many, many, many years to come.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/doctors-reveal-dick-cheney-burning-through-at-leas,32022/
Suich
(10,642 posts)Thanks...I needed a good laugh!
rurallib
(62,342 posts)sure it sounds ridiculous, but it is Cheney.
rhett o rick
(55,981 posts)to give to him. One of these days soon I expect him to say in a deep voice, "Barack, I am your father."
Disclaimer to keep the Outrage Brigade calm: This post is not intended to be racist. Reference to "black heart" means the heart of someone considered heartless or that figuratively has no heart. And Cheney being Barack's father is of course from Star Wars.
iandhr
(6,852 posts)rhett o rick
(55,981 posts)HughBeaumont
(24,461 posts)Don't EVEN expect me to laud Cheney in any way or shape when he finally gets sucked in a roasting hot pit of dark tar.
Blue Owl
(49,902 posts)malaise
(267,784 posts)The Onion is the best.
Croak Cheney croak!!
aint_no_life_nowhere
(21,925 posts)That must explain why Cheney burst from a man's chest cavity when he was born.
LiberalEsto
(22,845 posts)Erose999
(5,624 posts)can piss on that man's grave.
alterfurz
(2,467 posts)...Dick's color has never been better!
freshwest
(53,661 posts)louis-t
(23,199 posts)Sunlei
(22,651 posts)love onion!!
libodem
(19,288 posts)I know it has been done before, but semi factual fiction makes a good read.
Sunlei
(22,651 posts)He could do it if he wasn't a cheap scrooge who would rather take AMERICAS money to the grave with him.
benld74
(9,888 posts)Tyrs WolfDaemon
(2,289 posts)which turns their heart evil enough to even be brought near that man's chest. Most hearts explode before they can make the first blood vessel connection.
ZRT2209
(1,357 posts)Buns_of_Fire
(17,119 posts)I mean, it's not as if this situation wasn't to be expected. Any self-respecting animal, vegetable, or mineral was bound to reject his presence.