I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am!

[PCIntern]

I had had an extremely unpleasant forced-personal relationship with one of the principals in the Rutgers basketball horror-show which is unfolding at the present time. Without being able to be specific, due to the extremely vindictive nature of this person, suffice it to say that this individual with whom I had to deal for more than five years was the most aggressive, arrogant, manipulative individual whom I can recall. The words 'cunning', 'politically dangerous', 'mean-spirited', 'narcissistic', might well have been coined for this man. I cannot relate any stories for it would reveal details of my existence and exactly to whom I am referring, but you may take my word that I am nearly gleeful that whatever measure of justice may be served, it is well-deserved!

I was ecsatic to see that the cover came off the scandal and can't wait for Act II.

[woodsprite]

1. I understand completely

Just wanted to wish you good luck as this all goes down. I've been
in a similar situation before, but that wasn't so public. I hope you
can navigate thru all this mess with ease, and that you don't have
to deal with any more people like that.

[UBEEDelusional]

2. How can one be forced to have a personal relationship with another against their will?

Saying 'No' works as does 'Get the F away from me' as does 'Get the F away from me or I will rip off your head and skull F you'

Many a way to say No in the English language.

[SwissTony]

9. I don't interpret it as a romantic/sexual relationship.

It's a coach/player relationship. It's still personal, particularly if you're not one of the coach's favourites.

Same with boss/employee. Those relationships can be difficult.

[UBEEDelusional]

10. One has free will unless they are being physically restrained

once can always remove themselves from the relationship.

If one remains they are remaining by choice right or wrong it is still their choice.

[SwissTony]

11. Yes, they have the choice of walking away. But if you want to play high level sports

you often don't have a choice. If play for a team, you don't get to choose the coach. Moving to another club may not be possible or may be detrimental to your playing career.

[jerseyjack]

12. Yes, you can remove yourself from the relationship but at what cost.

My boss is an abusive bully. I need the money to help care for my mother in dementia/assisted living.

I am 70 years old. If I leave this job, where am I going to get a job that pays $20. per hour. So I put up with it and him until my mother passes.

Some choice.

[UBEEDelusional]

17. It sucks but it is still a choice is it not?

Sorry for your situation.

[randome]

14. Maybe PCIntern works at the same university.

[PCIntern]

19. You're not far wrong....good work and thanks!

As an aside: I love it here when someone makes a statement such as the one I made which is deliberately obtuse and others jump with that great DU sanctimony about how they would NEVER do such and such...guess what? There are MANY circumstances in which you are FORCED to deal with those with whom you would prefer not to, and there are many situations which are not easily remedied by summa cum loudmouth techniques.

[In_The_Wind]

20. Life isn't always that simple.

[1StrongBlackMan]

13. I take it ...

You've never had a boss ... Or, are independently wealthy.

[UBEEDelusional]

15. Look I have been in plenty of crap situitions in my life and I either suck it up

or change the situation to my liking. One just needs the will to make it happen.

I have always worked for someone and I am not wealthy but I do ok now, not poor not rich but better then most today. I know what it is like to have to feed a family on $10 for the week and hope the electric does not turned off before I got paid. So I have also walked many a mile in others shoes too.

Answer your question?

[1StrongBlackMan]

16. My point is ...

if you what it is like to have to feed a family on $10 for the week and hope the electric does not turned off before I got paid, then you know what a "forced relationship" is about. "Sucking it up" (until able to change the situation) is living in a "forced relationship" and that should have answered your question before you asked.

[UBEEDelusional]

18. Disagree all the choices I freely made put me in the situition and all the choices I

freely made got me out.

I was never forced at all.

[R B Garr]

22. To be honest, your person responsibility type mantra sounds a bit canned and glib

People with mortgages and roots in a community, children, responsibilies to aging parents, pets or a whole host of real life scenarios often cannot just "get out."

[1StrongBlackMan]

24. Exactly ...

to deny that is to deny reality, or to be completely irresponsible.

[1StrongBlackMan]

23. Okay ...

But can we agree that until we are in the position to choose (e.g., we have something better, we have the savings to leave, etc.) we are in at "forced relationship", that requires us to tolerate a measure of abuse?

[PCIntern]

25. There are many of these in a lifetime

Despite our protests about how independent we are. For example, your next-door neighbor...

[rosesaylavee]

3. Happy for you

Glad to see the long arm of Justice extending in this direction too.

Have had my share of forced personal relationships with decidedly unpleasant people. Have disliked most of the many minutes spent around them personally. I hope the lessons learned and insights gained make this experience a helpful one in your life.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. That is very good news.

Watching someone get exactly what they deserve is such a good thing.

I am so happy for you!

[CTyankee]

5. When people do dishonorable things to others, it is only a matter of time before they are

harshly treated. "what goes around..."

[LiberalEsto]

6. I'm happy for you

I graduated from Rutgers (Livingston College) in the 70s, and was deeply embarrassed about the horrible behavior of these people.

[Buzz Clik]

7. Must have been you were living elsewhere.

[October]

8. Wow.

I can only imagine what you're experiencing in watching this whole thing unravel. Public Karma.

I first-watched Coach Rice's apology. It seemed so honest and heartfelt, I thought, what could this guy have done? Ah! Then, I watched the video and started catching up on exactly what he had done and was horrified. The man needs serious help; he's sociopathic or something to have two such completely different personalities.

Fox's Sean Hannity et al are defending the coach's behavior.

[Are_grits_groceries]

21. Sounds like Pernetti.

He seems to have all of those characteristics. Rice would seem to be too focused to be that calculated. Pernetti would walk over dying people to get what he wants.
The president hasn't been there that long.

[Bake]

26. All I can say is that "coach" had to GO.

The AD had to GO. Other heads should roll too. Maybe even the Rutgers president. Anybody who knew what was going on and did nothing to stop it. The coach was out of control!

Bake

[SamReynolds]

27. And now I am, of course,

picking apart this post in minute detail to find clues....

Nah, not really! Thank you for my chance to live vicariously in your joy for a justice I may never know in my own life.