More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 11
It's April Fool's Day, and since "Fools" and "Today's Republican Party" are pretty much the same thing, time for another look into the world of right-wing doublethink.
Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954
Dammit, here's this one again:
* Sending racy Tweets and pictures of yourself to a woman you aren't married to is a much more serious crime than being a "pro-life" congressman who makes your wife and your mistress get abortions.
Dammit, here's this one again:
* Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, and Steve Stockman are intelligent, rational human beings.
And updating an older one for Bobby Jindal:
* You decry your party's reputation as "the stupid party" while approving legislation to have creationism taught in science class.
Another old one that is sadly current:
* Ruling against the discrimination of gays is unrestrained judicial activism; the Supreme Court giving the 2000 election to a Republican who got a half million less votes is a proper use of judicial power.
And onto the new stuff...
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Willard Mitt Rmoney lost the election because he wasn't conservative enough.
* The fact that business leaders can throw hundreds of millions of dollars at Karl Rove and other SuperPACs to try and buy the election doesn't mean they can also afford to pay their employees living wages with good benefits.
* Obamacare is the reason your hours are being cut and your pay is not going up; the CEO's $15 million bonus has nothing to do with it.
* The man who picked Sarah Palin as his running mate has the moral authority to call someone else's potential Secretary of State nomination "unqualified" because she's "not very bright"
* The man who picked Sarah Palin as his running mate has the moral authority to call the qualifications of someone else's cabinet nominees into question.
* George W. Bush's 3 million popular vote (286-251 electoral college) victory in his 2004 re-election was a landslide that gave him a "mandate" to do whatever he wanted despite what the Democrats said. Barack Obama's 4.5 million popular vote (332-206 electoral college) victory in his 2012 re-election was a "narrow" win that means he should compromise with Republicans.
* It's "enormously insensitive" of God's feelings for humans to not tear up nature and spew toxins into the atmosphere by using oil.
* Gun ownership is a right. Heath care is a privilege. If a kids die because of treatable cancer or a nutcase gunning them down, oh well.
* You support drug testing of welfare recipients, but oppose criminal background checks and mental health screening of gun buyers.
* The First Amendment shouldn't apply to TV, radio, video games, or the Internet because those things didn't exist in 1787. The Second Amendment applies to automatic rifles and anti-personnel ammunition even though those things didn't exist in 1787.
* The same "experts" who said invading Iraq would be a cheap, six-month cakewalk have the moral authority to criticize a prospective Secretary of Defense.
* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire or drowns in a hurricane, but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid.
* The best place to hold a conference dedicated to raising Republican awareness of minority issues is at a former slave plantation.
Nah...no way that one could be true. That's too absurd.
* A guy who once shot his friend in the face, possibly while being roaring drunk at the time, has the moral authority to speak out in opposition to gun control.
* The intelligence failures of September 11, 2001 (3000 dead) are forgivable. The intelligence failures of September 11, 2012 (four dead) are not.
* Germany gets more sunlight than California.
* $250,000 a year is "poor", but the federal minimum wage is too high.
* Actually allowing black people to vote is "racial entitlement"
* Just because you think black people had it better when they were treated as property with no rights during the slavery days does not mean you're a racist.
* You're a Birther who likes the idea of Ted Cruz running for President.
* The United Nations is a weak, ineffective organization that has a massive, powerful secret army that can only be stopped by drunk rednecks with AR-15s.
= new reply since forum marked as read
for the sake of humor, but there are just too many who actually believe this crap. What makes it worse is that when you point out the hypocrisy, it either just goes over their heads, or they will acknowledge that such things are stupid but insist on the Rethugs being right anyway.
No joke, some truly awful, downright evil shit being proposed:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2597508
