It's becoming more and more personal

[kpete]

Yes, we have had some relatives in Washington with scares & yes I get pissed when people around me don't take this seriously.

But this week, we learned that my son is going to lose his house because he can no longer afford the mortgage. He will be looking to rent instead. So, yes that pisses me off a lot. Also he is in a high risk profession and he got a rather nasty letter from the husband of a good friend (he is a trumpster) stating that he did not need to fill out the required patient-info-form, because freedom.

We have been taking care of our grandchildren once a week so that my daughter-in-law can work in my son's office because they are down to a skeleton crew. He is getting tested every week because he qualified for a "high risk study" program. So far he is ok. I have been trying to get tested for a week & get the same recording every time that the site is being updated - So sorry they say.

Ok, so all that set me off. I am furious already but what really has me in tears, is my 8 year old granddaughter. She is washing her hands so often that she has developed a rash. If we go for a "social distancing" walk and she or any of us touch anything - SHE FREAKS OUT. Most of the time, I just cry - but now I am more angry than sad.

Excuse me for writing all of this down here. Usually, I try to stick to political stuff, but if I couldn't write it down somewhere - I would probably be calling my friend & telling her that her trumpster husband is a prick & worse. So you guys are helping me to vent.

thank you,
kpete

[Laelth]

1. I am honored to just listen. n/t

-Laelth

[soothsayer]

2. Do Fannie or Freddie hold his mortgage?

Should be able to work with his servicer

https://www.fanniemae.com/portal/media/corporate-news/2020/covid-payment-deferral-7018.html

Also, I’m sorry your granddaughter is struggling. I think many kids will freak out if forced back into school.

I washed my hands raw in the beginning, too. Maybe some soothing cream will help.

[kpete]

6. We use soothing cream

we also have a good friend who is a child psychologist. She suggests modeling, so we try to be calm and have as much fun as possible when we are with her and her younger brother. He is 6 and seems to be taking it in stride.

[soothsayer]

8. That's good.

[moreland01]

14. Perhaps create her own special bottle

of "hand sanitizer" that's really something easy to use and not harsh. She's obviously a very observant kiddo and it got stuck in her brain that she must wash her hands or something horrible will happen. It's hard to break that cycle once it gets started especially when it's all around her. Poor thing.

[MyOwnPeace]

9. EXCELLENT POINT!!!!!

Can you just see those kids going up the sidewalk for the mandated "First Day of School/COVID classes?"

As another DU'er posted earlier about "getting the shakes" - I'm close to it regarding all of the "OPEN THE SCHOOLS" bullshit!
There's even a "senator" (Cornyn) that is saying that kids can't even GET COVID!!!!!!! (Yes, he should be charged with MURDER for every kid in the country that DOES get it after being forced back to school and losing a life because of it!).

Such an UGLY problem - and made uglier by this mis-administration and the enablers of it all.

[McKim]

58. You Are So Important to All of Us at DU!

You are so important to us at DU, so anytime you share is received with grace. We are all stressed. Every American family is affected and every American family is hurt by this whether they realize it or not. You are doing an important job caring for the grandkids. Cooking and gardening can distract the 8 year old as can making gifts for friends...transporting experiences are good for us all.

[Bradshaw3]

3. Good for you

In venting. You are one of the best posters on here and everyone I know is going through some form of what you are going through. It may not help much as far as your family situation but hopefully you will feel a little better knowing that you are not alone. We are the compassionate ones and understand what it means to be a citizen of a country that can be great, if only (most) of the rest of the us would listen to the better angels of our nature.

[Newest Reality]

4. Thanks...

Thanks for relating your experiences. They can help us all put this into perspective.

I feel ya'!

[Lars39]

5. I've reached the anger stage also.

Family troubles seem to be exacerbated by all the stress. Marriages going sour in my extended family.
You know there's always a friendly ear here for venting, though.
Oh, and please consider the possibility that your granddaughter might be allergic to the soap.
Switching to a bar of Dove for Sensitive Skin might help.

[kpete]

7. we are using sensitive skin soap

She thinks I don't notice when she heads to the bathroom to wash her hands so often. I try to distract her or reassure her before she closes the door. I have even thought of turning the water off in the sinks when she is here.

[Lars39]

10. hmm, wonder if she's using hot water only

[Oppaloopa]

51. So sorry Grandmother. maybe buy a real pretty small bottle and fill it with Aloe

[bdamomma]

67. just a suggestion

how about letting your granddaughter use baby wipes. I mean it's not as good as using soap and water but maybe it will slow the rash down.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

11. I share many of your experiences & feelings. Women will be Bunker Boy's downfall.

Women of all political persuasions. Women who know to listen to doctors. Women who are tired of seeing the disruptions of their family. Women who realize that the Bunker Boy is not good for their family. Women who are realizing that they made a horrible mistake in falling for his bullshit. I really believe this. Bunker Boy's only hope will be Putin.....

[Deb]

12. Your granddaughter may need to feel some control over the situation.

Maybe you could give her a special towel and very very (!) weakened bleach solution to "disinfect" her surroundings and toys. Dig out

some old winter gloves she can wear for "protection" that she washes along with the towel. The kids are lucky to have you.

[kpete]

13. Thank you

I do believe it is about control. At 8, it just breaks my heart that she has to deal with this and that I have no easy answers for her.

[onecaliberal]

15. I'm so sorry.

[pwb]

16. o k

Peace and love. 2020 has sucked so far.

[Thekaspervote]

17. Happy to listen! We all need to support one another

Learned Tuesday that my daughter’s father’s wife is covid19 positive. Both are in terrible health. My daughter is crying her eyes out in fear of losing her father

Today I learned that my best friend ever in life has been exposed!!

Please be safe...everyone..and be a good listener!!

[Brainfodder]

18. Not alone, not even close, our lives are on HOLD?

Not worth describing my misery in depth, this is your post, but it stinks!

I will feel 50% better Nov. 4th, 2020, then I do now, OR we have to plan on selling almost everything and figuring out which country....

[Initech]

21. I think about the year I was supposed to have vs the year I am having.

And the year I was supposed to have was going to be awesome - I had several trips planned, I was planning to buy a new car, I had quite a few really awesome concerts and shows scheduled.

Then Coronavirus hit and my year went to shit, and my misery right now knows no bounds. I really hate it right now.

The only thing that keeps me going is the election. I really want Biden to kick Trump's fat ass out of the White House in the biggest landslide ever.

[infullview]

36. It could always be worse

The title of which is from an old children's book, but there is truth in this saying. Ya, you didn't get the glamorous trips and concerts, but you're alive and I presume well. Count your blessings.

[Zoonart]

37. Supposed to be great for me too...

I was booked for three exhibits... all cancelled. all of the art is boxed and ready to be shipped, thousands of dollars in overhead.
I still have the art, but two of the Galleries have closed forever. One had just celebrated thirty years I business in February.

The worst... I haven't seen my grands since Christmas, and worry about them all the time. My kids' business is hanging by a thread.

I can really say that I feel your pain and the pain of every Du-er here who is struggling. We will get through. I have to have faith in my fellow Americans. Joe will see us through the valley.

[moonscape]

46. Not sure how many countries want us at this point ... n/t

[abqtommy]

19. To me there are at least four primary areas of support we can seek out:

One is to seek medical profession help in psychiatry, psychology or therapy.

A second is to counsel with your clergy person, including prayer to your Supreme Being.

A third is to talk with your bartender or drinking buddies.

Fourth, is to confide in your DU buddies here. That's a wise choice and we're happy to listen to/
read what's on your mind and do our best to help. That's what Family does in the best way.

[Mariana]

31. Stay the hell out of churches and bars! nt.

[cp]

20. Thank you for venting

We're with you!

Had a wild thought: would it work for you and your granddaughter to wash your hands together? Maybe singing a silliy song?

Also, my sisters and I made soap last summer (in the Before times), so I've had some with an aloe vera base. Using that and having the water not too hot has helped my sensitive skin. Whenever it gets a little red, I use a balm with some honey in it.

[Nevilledog]

48. Alexa has a Hand Washing song.

[Initech]

22. Yeah I know, it really sucks right now.

And I mean really sucks. I really hope things start getting better after we hit the peak, whenever that is. My hope is that this time next year we're on the other side of this nightmare. I hope we get a real leader in the White House who will do his job and not listen to bullshit.

[SaveOurDemocracy]

23. Anytime kpete. You bring so much to DU. Love and Peace.

[Hekate]

24. Oh, my friend

[Blue_true]

25. A lot of kids are having their sense of security shredded.

The best thing that you can do for your granddaughter is tell her that everything will be ok, even if you are really unsure - then hope that nothing bad happens and all of you come through this.

[Scarsdale]

26. Don't ever apologise for

venting here. We understand, too well. There will be many, many more in the same predicament as your son and family before too long, too. People can not pay their mortgages when they are not able to work, or only work part time. If only tRump had read his PDB's, or even if ANYONE would have had the courage to step up and expose the neglect. So many people in long lines for food, it is a disgrace. Mnuchin made sure all the important people got their loans (yeah, right - "loans&quot first before the ones who truly needed help. What a disgrace this entire gop is, especially the so-called administration. Not a single really competent person among them. I hope things work out for your son and his family. No 8 year old should be living under these circumstances. So far the people who caused these disasters are skating away, free. The wrong people are suffering.

[Evolve Dammit]

27. These examples are very upsetting for sure. All of it. And all families are experiencing some form

of job loss, house loss, depression, anxiety, anger, etc. 45 has ripped off the band-aid and exposed how F'd and uncaring some of us are. And I'm not in any way dissing those who are working their tails off in very hazardous conditions with minimal appreciation. The shared sacrafice which we seemed to manage for 60 or so days, has been politicized and pissed on, and I can't forgive that. All that work, down the toilet.
I truly hope you and your family will make it through all this. Take care kpete.

[Mersky]

28. You are not alone

The virus comes at us from many directions. The interjection into life is more than which mask to wear today.

I’d chip-in for your son’s finances. Could be my family tomorrow. Thanks for sharing your experience - the way this disaster plays out is more than the movement of a point on a graph.

[JudyM]

29. C'mere.

For a big hug

I can only imagine how painful and frustrating that situation is.

They sell thin gloves that can be worn to bed after putting aloe or skin cream on. Neem oil or cannabis/hemp salve may also help, FWIW. I wonder if they make those in her size... or maybe just get her some thin (white dressy?) gloves she can wear when she goes out?

So sorry for what you’re going through. Trump is going to get kicked to the curb so hard by hordes of fed up voters, I think.

[The Polack MSgt]

30. It's good that you can write out the frustrations here

Rather than calling your friend and raging about her asshole husband...

After all, most people hate to be reminded of stuff they already know

[calimary]

32. I'm so sorry to hear this - DEAR GOD what people are going through, these days...

We're here - to hear, dear kpete.

I'm so sorry you and your extended family are going through this.

Hell, I'm sorry ANY of us has to deal with this.

I keep thinking - THIS wouldn't be happening if Hillary had been president. She paid attention to science and never put propping up her own ego first. She would have handled this much differently, and followed what the science and medical experts said.

I apologize - probably should be looking more forward than backward. But I cannot help thinking of what could have been - and how many more Americans would be alive now, to be with their families. I'm kinda stuck there, feeling and sounding like the proverbial broken record.

[c-rational]

33. You are a DU tresure kpete, and glad to have you vent here. About your observant granddaughter,

maybe getting some light cloth gloves she could wash would help with the rash. She would still have control. And I can only guess she has a grreat role model.

[MissB]

34. I'm so sorry kpete

[kairos12]

35. Very sorry to hear this. Peace and strength you and family kpete.

[luvallpeeps]

38. No need to be excused...

As democrats, we are here for each other. It's kinda our thing. You have every right to feel the way you do, and vent when you need to. Nothing hurts a person more than when their kids hurt. (and even worse a grandkids) This sucks, and hopefully we'll be okay. I have already called the trumpster husband names for you, and asked for forgiveness already. Try and stay strong Kpete. For your Grandkids.

[kpete]

47. I am trying so hard

Her parents are trying too
Thanks for your thoughts

[TheBlackAdder]

40. Contact your Us Senator's office and also your State Senator's office. They know the steps to take.

.

Some aid is federally managed, and some is provided at the state level.

But both can make sure lenders and financial institutions don't screw people over by applying pressure.

.

[homegirl]

41. Very few understand

stress in children.
I was 5.5 years on December 7, 1941. When informed that we were at war I became hysterical, I had seen Movietone News reports on war and refugees. My mother consoled me but the memory is with me still. I feel for you and especially for your granddaughter, keep well and thrive.

[flibbitygiblets]

42. We're here for you kpete ❤

"Working hands" hand lotion has really helped us. Same with Cetaphil cleanser. Your granddaughter is lucky to have you in her life.

[CaptainTruth]

43. Please don't feel bad about venting. It helps & we're all here to listen.

[Poiuyt]

44. Thank you for sharing. We're all on edge a little

[secondwind]

45. I hear you loud and clear. And I stand with you

and send you all good wishes to help you through this stressful time.......

[SergeStorms]

49. More than happy to listen, kpete.

I completely understand, and commiserate with you. I have two grandchildren of my own, 7 and 5 years old, and I'm concerned about their welfare as well. Luckily my daughter has a Master's Degree in social work, and my son-in-law has a PhD in Psychology/Abnormal Behavior (specializing in children), so they're pretty well set.

I wish there were something I could do to soothe your, and your family's minds. One day at a time, brother. One day at a time, and remember, as bad as you think things are right now, there are others in the world with things much worse. Give thanks for the good things in your life, and one day you'll all look in your rear-view mirror and see that these trials in your lives made you stronger, and more empathetic and helping toward others. We all need someone to lean on, and we're always here for you.

We all love you brother.

[kpete]

53. My best friend's son was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago

He is going through another round of chemo this week because the first treatments did not work. In the middle of all of it, he had a stroke and has lost the use of his right hand. He had to stop his physical therapy because of the pandemic.

So, yes I know first hand that others have lives that are much more difficult and complicated than mine. I also have confidence that this will come to an end. I am less confident that humans will learn from this - but I have not given up hope.

Thank you so much for your encouraging words,
kp

[brer cat]

50. I'm sorry, kpete.

This is too much for our children and grandchildren to deal with.

[canetoad]

52. Didn't realise how hard it was on little kids

Wish there was something I could do to help.

[hamsterjill]

54. Oh, kpete. I'm so sorry.

I replied to your post on my other thread but I didn’t know this was happening in your life. Things just suck right now, don’t they?

Good gracious, when will this ever end!!! Please hold your family close - if not physically, then as figuratively as possible. The children are being so affected by all of this.

I absolutely despise the people who have allowed this to happen to all of us.

[lillypaddle]

55. My 8 yr old granddaughter

is in the same place as yours. She keeps washing her hands saying she is trying to get clean. She is having panic attacks and anger issues. This previously sweet girl is lashing out and hitting her mother. We are all very upset. Even though her parents are struggling due to reduced hours, they have started her piano lessons up for one day a week, in the hope that it would be something positive for her. Also bought a backyard pool, above ground but large. Swimming is her "thing" so it's helping.

Lives are just turned upside down, and we all feel helpless. Seeing our kids suffer, yes even the 52 year old kid, is the worst.

[Cha]

56. Oh kpete ❤.. I am so

sorry for everything that's happening to your son and his family because of the insane virus.

Yes it is cathartic to be able to write it down and share our problems with kindred cyber buds we've gotten to know over the years.

I wish the best for your son and his family.. your famity!!

[blogslut]

57. I get it, kpete

We love you here.

[CottonBear]

59. I am so sorry that you and your granddaughter are in such distress.

I would suggest using tear-free baby wash in a pump dispenser as your bath and kitchen hand washing soap. It is so mild. We use it for our bathroom hand soap and my child uses it as a body wash when showering. It’s great as a face wash for us ladies too! I wash my face with it!

Using a fragrance-free moisturizer, like Cetaphil, or a grocery store equivalent, after washing up is helpful.

Maybe you and your little one can have an at home spa, complete with a soothing bath, foot soaks, facial masks, body moisturizing, and manicures and pedicures.

[Star-Thrower]

60. It IS important

to share and write it down. This is a terrible time that all of us are going through. Trump is a soullesss ghoul a murderer. The republicans are all in and his lackey VP is a christian in name only. An our childeren are the innocents. Please keep posting and vent it's important to get it out.

[UpInArms]

61. It's all personal, my friend

we, here at DU, will always have your back

Life is fleeting and precious ... this is one of the most difficult times I have lived through ... am so grateful to be a member of this great strong diverse community ... it has carried me through 20 years of upheaval

My virtual arms are always around you

[certainot]

62. one way to vent is to call any rw talk stations and scream at whoever answers

maybe start out calm and nice to let them know why you hate them in a few words and then let loose before they hang up

if the call screener answers all the better, before they put you on hold in the line say i can't hold to talk i just wanted to say... FU, etc

[warmfeet]

63. I am so sorry this is happening.

I am hoping that exposing this deep wound in the American psyche can lead to some healing. No signs of it yet, but I remain hopeful.

[mahina]

64. Hearts with you brother.

That is all horrible. Unimaginable.

This can not go on.

[LNM]

65. I hear you.

My two grandson know more than a 5 and 3yo should have to know. They're constantly dousing with hand sanitizer and when we're together (outside) to step back away from me. I haven't hugged them for months. Yesterday my daughter texted me that the 5yo asked a lot of questions about covid and then after some contemplation asked "so when me and grandma both get the corona shot we can hug again?"

We consider ourselves fortunate in the whole scheme of things except for 2 sons-in-law in high-risk jobs, but this is just heart-breaking.

[bdamomma]

66. Vent all you want

kpete. We are here.

[no matrix]

68. Is she using a hand sanitizer that has been recalled for toxic ingredients?

Wood Alcohol is in Blumen brand hand sanitizer

http://www.wrcbtv.com/story/42350833/fda-warns-that-even-more-hand-sanitizers-that-could-contain-toxic-wood-alcohol
There are several brands using wood alcohol.

On a personal note~

I am sorry kpete!

I do understand your granddaughter's real fear of this virus. I have an 8 yr. granddaughter as well.

We have Disney reservations, hotel, tickets, etc., in 2 weeks. She loves, loves, loves Disney.
She is afraid to go.
Afraid for us to go.
Afraid to go to back to school.
She'd love to see school friends, but is afraid of bringing the virus back to us.

She stayed at our house because her parents are "essential workers" working crazy hours.
1st rule of quarantine:
She stays with us, not back and forth.
"Kids didn't get covid-19", remember?
How can you blame kids for not trusting most adults about this virus?

Hand washing gives some power over something you are powerless over. Masks & social distancing don't have that gratification.
Doubt this?
The millions of health products advertised constantly, not even aspirin helps this. Soap and water kills something you can't see that can kill you.
They have years left to live.
They know they need us around in these calamitous times.
It is instinctive.

Maybe one day she'll share how she "feels when she washes her hands".
Perhaps, later in life, she may turn to you when she feels powerless again growing up.

Thank you for letting me share. I needed this. We had to euthanize our sweet dog Nona from her pain from hip issues today.
My heart aches.
N

[keithbvadu2]

69. No patient-info-form, no appt. I hope that was the result.

No patient-info-form, no appt.

I hope that was the result.

[llashram]

70. the children developing

phobias because of the incompetence of the dictator posing as a POTUS.

[kpete]

71. Thanks DU friends

Last edited Sat Jul 11, 2020, 07:34 AM - Edit history (1)

It felt good to vent. I got some good ideas and I also talked to my son at length today. It is his decision to sell the house. I should have made that more clear. I hope that they can sell, because it will relieve him of that burden. He just can't afford to hold on to his practice and make house payments. We offered to help, but it is the unknown future that is compelling him to make this choice now rather than in the future and he has refused financial help at this time. My family knows that there is no Calvary coming to save us and we have made some solid decisions to take care of ourselves and each other.

I know there will be good days and bad days to come. I am very lucky to have much love in my life and places I can go to process my thoughts.

November can’t come soon enough. Until then I wish all of us safety, health and a better future.

Love,
Gamma kpete

[davsand]

72. Some states have forclosure assistance available.

Has your son checked on that? His bank should know about those programs, or maybe even your city government can help him with that. Foreclosure is an awful thing for a family and I'm sorry they are dealing with it.

IF he can't find any assistance, usually it takes some time for a foreclosure to work through the system to the point that any sort of eviction order is processed. A lawyer in your area will know the information about timeline and proceedings.

It sounds really lame to say this right now, but try not to worry. We are all stronger than we know. Gentle hugs to you all.


Laura

[Squidly]

73. I have a bad feeling

That the generation growing up through this will be affected the same way that the generation who grew up through the Great Depression did.

Many kids who grew up during the Great Depression, our parents, grand parents, great grand parents learned as children to save and horde everything because they became fearful that they may never have it again. For example, containers of all kinds, bits and pieces of materials, canned and dried food...list goes on and on. They also learned some very valuable skills such as canning and preserving food, gardening and sewing. Many of these skills were lost to future generations when times were good and items were plentiful.

Kids growing up through Covid, like your grand daughter seems like she might be developing habits that might affect her through her whole life as did those who grew up during the Great Depression. Hopefully they will eventually turn into positives, but right now it might seem almost like a form of PTSD.

Hopefully this will pass and not linger for years so we can all look back at 2020 like a bad pothole in the road of life.

[Raine]

74. Make sure your little granddaughter is rinsing her hands really well

maybe rinsing them twice as long as she washes them and then put on some good hand lotion.

[CatLady78]

75. I am sorry kpete

Last edited Wed Jul 15, 2020, 09:18 AM - Edit history (1)

I have been reading DU since the Bush years and I have rarely seen you post anything personal. So I know how serious it is :-/. I am sorry about your son.

[GeoWilliam750]

76. We are always here to listen

[Silver Gaia]

77. I'm going to share something that may help your grandaughter's hands.

I have had a problem with dermatitis on my hands for many years. I have tried everything, including prescription remedies from my dermatologist. Not much helps. However, there is ONE cleanser I've found to be tolerable, and actually even helpful. It's not a hand soap. It's a facial cleanser made by Olay. I use it for everything. It has the word "calming" in its name, and it does just that for me. It soothes and calms my skin. It's not cheap, but works for me, and that makes it worth every penny.

It comes in a white and green pump and is called "Olay Sensitive Hungarian Water Essence Calming Liquid Cleanser." It's hard to find in stores. I first bought it at Target, but can't find it there anymore. I buy it online now. Amazon has it, Walmart has it, and you can also order it directly from Olay. Here's a link to it at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07M7PPW8F/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_xlzcFbSDH7TSW

Another thing that might help, if you can find them, is nitrile gloves in a small size. (Nitrile is hypoallergenic, latex is not.) I wore them often to protect my skin before the pandemic, and don't leave the house without them now. She may feel better about touching things with them on. (I do.) She can put germ killer or hand sanitizer on them instead of her skin, and she can be taught how to properly strip them off and dispose of her "second skin," too. I keep a bag at the door for that very purpose.

I hope these things are helpful! Many blessings to all of you.

[Atticus]

78. You have been a source of wisdom, empathy and support for everyone on this board for as long as I

can recall. It is a small thing to reciprocate and hope that just knowing so many of us "unseens" care will be of some comfort.

I have plumbed the depths of my own despair from time to time but, after a day or two, decide that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And, more than once, that light was offered by you.

We can do this.