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Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:30 PM

Braking News

(H2O News) 6-5-2020: The H2O News Network has just received the transcript of a top secret meeting between President Trump and Attorney Generally William Barr, in response to a Freedom from Trump's Information court filing.

Trump was furious after hearing reports on twitter that Tiffany Trump had participated in a recent Black Lives Matter rally. His mood became increasingly foul since White House staff reminded him that Tiffany is his daughter. Trump demands that White House spokesperson Kayleigh McEnany issue an immediate press release stated that he had never masterbated while thinking of Tiffany, as he only fantasizes about having sex with Ivanka.

The transcript of his conversation with A.G. Barr included Trump's anger that Tiffany told H2O News that she was disgusted by his uncoordinated attempt to hold up the bible at a photo opportunity. "It's fucking obscene," Tiffany said, "that he would hold up a book he's never read. He should start with the part of the gospels where a non-white man over-turned the tables of the money-changers in the temple."

On the transcript, Trump repeatedly asks Barr if this non-white man was Barack Obama? Each time Barr said no, Trump insisted that it was. According to McEnany, Trump ordered Barr to begin an investigation of the bible, with a goal of "prosecuting that black man to the fullest extent possible."

At this point, as Barr seeks to assure Trump that he's "on it," Donald calls for Stephan Miller to be ushered into the Oval Office. Trump says that Mike Pence is harming his chances for re-election, and asks Miller what steps he has taken to explore the possibility of dropping Pence from the 2020 ticket?

Miller says that he held a meeting with Sean Hannity and Alex Jones, to come up with a list of the strongest possible replacements. Miller begins reading the list: "James Holmes, Jared Lee Loughner, Eric Harris, John Wayne Gacy ...."

Trump immediately interrupts, "I always liked that Gacy guy's movies. Very patriotic." With that, the meeting ends.

34 replies, 4163 views

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Arrow 34 replies Author Time Post
Reply Braking News (Original post)
H2O Man Jun 6 OP
malaise Jun 6 #1
H2O Man Jun 6 #2
malaise Jun 6 #9
H2O Man Jun 6 #16
malaise Jun 6 #18
grumpyduck Jun 6 #3
H2O Man Jun 6 #6
dalton99a Jun 6 #4
H2O Man Jun 6 #8
Scarsdale Jun 6 #22
TruckFump Jun 6 #5
H2O Man Jun 6 #10
OneGrassRoot Jun 6 #7
H2O Man Jun 6 #11
spanone Jun 6 #12
H2O Man Jun 6 #13
erronis Jun 6 #14
H2O Man Jun 6 #15
KY_EnviroGuy Jun 6 #17
erronis Jun 6 #20
H2O Man Jun 6 #28
lunatica Jun 6 #19
True Blue American Jun 6 #21
Scarsdale Jun 6 #25
H2O Man Jun 6 #30
H2O Man Jun 6 #29
Disaffected Jun 6 #23
H2O Man Jun 6 #31
mountain grammy Jun 6 #24
H2O Man Jun 6 #32
PatrickforO Jun 6 #26
H2O Man Jun 6 #33
Blecht Jun 6 #27
H2O Man Jun 6 #34

Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:34 PM

1. Out of this world good

Gacy - why not.

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Response to malaise (Reply #1)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:36 PM

2. To be clear --

my posting this is your fault! I saw this morning that you laughed at my humor on your thread yesterday. That encouraged me, despite the fact that my children often tell me not to try to tell jokes publicly, as I'm not funny!

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Response to H2O Man (Reply #2)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 01:02 PM

9. Tell your children that they are clueless

This was out of this world funny

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Response to malaise (Reply #9)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:42 PM

16. I'm afraid that

they would provide too many examples that might prove otherwise! Hence, my rigidly serious approach to DU and the rest of life.

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Response to H2O Man (Reply #16)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:49 PM

18. Well I'm glad I laughed with you on my thread

Hilarious is the word

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:36 PM

3. Ah, parody. Sometimes it sounds like the real thing.

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Response to grumpyduck (Reply #3)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:48 PM

6. Thanks!

My cousin and I speak every day. He frequently says that we could make anything up about Trump as a joke, and that it will come true within a week. Strange days!

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:39 PM

4. Fantastic choice!

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Response to dalton99a (Reply #4)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:55 PM

8. That picture!

In a number of photos, Trump looks like a snapping turtle. I feel guilty even thinking that, because I admire and respect snapping turtles, and always stop to help them cross the oad when they are traveling in the late spring. (Maybe the feelings of guilt are related to having been forced to attend the catholic church as a child?)

More, his personality reminds me of a snapping turtle I encountered in my pond. I remember how hostile it was when I removed it from the pond, and transported it to another ideal location. I think we are currently seeing that same type of hostility, as we start to removethe snapping president from the White House, so that the NYS justice system can re-locate him into an ideal location.

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Response to H2O Man (Reply #8)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:16 PM

22. Ideal location?

I hear Alcatraz is nice this time of year. There would be room for the entire tRump family, and administration.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:40 PM

5. LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Two thumbs up!!! KnR

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Response to TruckFump (Reply #5)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 01:08 PM

10. Thank you!

Much appreciated!

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:51 PM

7. Ha!!! *clapping* n/t

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Response to OneGrassRoot (Reply #7)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 01:09 PM

11. Thanks!

I'd place even odds on this being true.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 01:11 PM

12. K&R

Brilliant!

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Response to spanone (Reply #12)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 01:13 PM

13. Thanks!

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:23 PM

14. Totally inappropriate! Big MacBurder trump can't find his member to fondle anymore.

He knows something's down there, at least used to be. He even hired a high-priced sexologist to try to find it and restore it somewhat.

It's gotta be hard (limp) on Tiffany to not feel big diddy's love....

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Response to erronis (Reply #14)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:34 PM

15. It may well have

fallen off. This is unpure speculation upon my part. And none of the staff at H2O News is willing to investigate.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:49 PM

17. H2O, you should submit this to Borowitz.

Andy would approve!

Thanks, we need more satire and 'toons to lighten the load these days......

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Response to KY_EnviroGuy (Reply #17)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:55 PM

20. I actually thought H2OMan was posting a Borowitz and not acknowledging the source. My bad.

Let's expect to see a new column in the New Yorker soon!

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Response to KY_EnviroGuy (Reply #17)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:01 PM

28. I don't know how

to reach him. (At this time, I am not only the entire staff at H2O News, but the only subscriber.)

We need to use humor now more than ever. And we have appropriate targets.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:54 PM

19. LMAO!

Rec’d!

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Response to lunatica (Reply #19)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:02 PM

21. Great thread

But honestly it is hard to tell the difference between truth and satire today.

Good job H2Oman!

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Response to True Blue American (Reply #21)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:22 PM

25. I was watching an episode of "Gunsmoke"

when my son walked in with lunch. I said "A group of renegade Indians has been killing people, stealing their belongings, and setting fire to their homes" This was to catch him up on the show so far. He looked shocked, then I motioned that the commercial was over, and the show was back on. He said "OH, the SHOW. It is hard to tell what is truth and what is fiction these days" Yes, it is especially coming from this WH.

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Response to True Blue American (Reply #21)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:02 PM

30. Thank you!

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Response to lunatica (Reply #19)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:01 PM

29. Thanks!

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:17 PM

23. Disk better than drum?

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Response to Disaffected (Reply #23)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:06 PM

31. My son was

at a BLM rally in Delhi, NY today. A person came with a sign saying "black lives don't matter," and was getting in people's faces. Lucky for him, the police removed him. The finals of the NYS Golden Gloves have been postponed, as they could not take place in April. My heavyweight son is still training every day. I am glad he did not beat the freak like a drum.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:20 PM

24. Ha. Love it

Thanks for the laugh.

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Response to mountain grammy (Reply #24)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:08 PM

32. Thanks!

The OP is not remarkably different than the "underground" newspapers I put out in high school and college. Kind of like riding a bike, I guess!

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:25 PM

26. He's never masturbated while thinking of Tiffany...funny.

Disgusting, still funny...but then, Trump IS disgusting.

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Response to PatrickforO (Reply #26)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:09 PM

33. Yes.

It's one of those things I went back and forth on posting. Back in the era of YIPPIE!, I would not have hesitated.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:28 PM

27. KnR

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Response to Blecht (Reply #27)

Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:10 PM

34. Thanks!

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