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H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:30 PM Jun 2020

Braking News

(H2O News) 6-5-2020: The H2O News Network has just received the transcript of a top secret meeting between President Trump and Attorney Generally William Barr, in response to a Freedom from Trump's Information court filing.

Trump was furious after hearing reports on twitter that Tiffany Trump had participated in a recent Black Lives Matter rally. His mood became increasingly foul since White House staff reminded him that Tiffany is his daughter. Trump demands that White House spokesperson Kayleigh McEnany issue an immediate press release stated that he had never masterbated while thinking of Tiffany, as he only fantasizes about having sex with Ivanka.

The transcript of his conversation with A.G. Barr included Trump's anger that Tiffany told H2O News that she was disgusted by his uncoordinated attempt to hold up the bible at a photo opportunity. "It's fucking obscene," Tiffany said, "that he would hold up a book he's never read. He should start with the part of the gospels where a non-white man over-turned the tables of the money-changers in the temple."

On the transcript, Trump repeatedly asks Barr if this non-white man was Barack Obama? Each time Barr said no, Trump insisted that it was. According to McEnany, Trump ordered Barr to begin an investigation of the bible, with a goal of "prosecuting that black man to the fullest extent possible."

At this point, as Barr seeks to assure Trump that he's "on it," Donald calls for Stephan Miller to be ushered into the Oval Office. Trump says that Mike Pence is harming his chances for re-election, and asks Miller what steps he has taken to explore the possibility of dropping Pence from the 2020 ticket?

Miller says that he held a meeting with Sean Hannity and Alex Jones, to come up with a list of the strongest possible replacements. Miller begins reading the list: "James Holmes, Jared Lee Loughner, Eric Harris, John Wayne Gacy ...."

Trump immediately interrupts, "I always liked that Gacy guy's movies. Very patriotic." With that, the meeting ends.

34 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Braking News (Original Post) H2O Man Jun 2020 OP
Out of this world good malaise Jun 2020 #1
To be clear -- H2O Man Jun 2020 #2
Tell your children that they are clueless malaise Jun 2020 #9
I'm afraid that H2O Man Jun 2020 #16
Well I'm glad I laughed with you on my thread malaise Jun 2020 #18
Ah, parody. Sometimes it sounds like the real thing. grumpyduck Jun 2020 #3
Thanks! H2O Man Jun 2020 #6
Fantastic choice! dalton99a Jun 2020 #4
That picture! H2O Man Jun 2020 #8
Ideal location? Scarsdale Jun 2020 #22
LMAO!!!!!!!!! TruckFump Jun 2020 #5
Thank you! H2O Man Jun 2020 #10
Ha!!! *clapping* n/t OneGrassRoot Jun 2020 #7
Thanks! H2O Man Jun 2020 #11
K&R spanone Jun 2020 #12
Thanks! H2O Man Jun 2020 #13
Totally inappropriate! Big MacBurder trump can't find his member to fondle anymore. erronis Jun 2020 #14
It may well have H2O Man Jun 2020 #15
H2O, you should submit this to Borowitz. KY_EnviroGuy Jun 2020 #17
I actually thought H2OMan was posting a Borowitz and not acknowledging the source. My bad. erronis Jun 2020 #20
I don't know how H2O Man Jun 2020 #28
LMAO! lunatica Jun 2020 #19
Great thread True Blue American Jun 2020 #21
I was watching an episode of "Gunsmoke" Scarsdale Jun 2020 #25
Thank you! H2O Man Jun 2020 #30
Thanks! H2O Man Jun 2020 #29
Disk better than drum? Disaffected Jun 2020 #23
My son was H2O Man Jun 2020 #31
Ha. Love it mountain grammy Jun 2020 #24
Thanks! H2O Man Jun 2020 #32
He's never masturbated while thinking of Tiffany...funny. PatrickforO Jun 2020 #26
Yes. H2O Man Jun 2020 #33
KnR Blecht Jun 2020 #27
Thanks! H2O Man Jun 2020 #34

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
2. To be clear --
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:36 PM
Jun 2020

my posting this is your fault! I saw this morning that you laughed at my humor on your thread yesterday. That encouraged me, despite the fact that my children often tell me not to try to tell jokes publicly, as I'm not funny!

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
16. I'm afraid that
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:42 PM
Jun 2020

they would provide too many examples that might prove otherwise! Hence, my rigidly serious approach to DU and the rest of life.

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
6. Thanks!
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:48 PM
Jun 2020

My cousin and I speak every day. He frequently says that we could make anything up about Trump as a joke, and that it will come true within a week. Strange days!

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
8. That picture!
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 12:55 PM
Jun 2020

In a number of photos, Trump looks like a snapping turtle. I feel guilty even thinking that, because I admire and respect snapping turtles, and always stop to help them cross the oad when they are traveling in the late spring. (Maybe the feelings of guilt are related to having been forced to attend the catholic church as a child?)

More, his personality reminds me of a snapping turtle I encountered in my pond. I remember how hostile it was when I removed it from the pond, and transported it to another ideal location. I think we are currently seeing that same type of hostility, as we start to removethe snapping president from the White House, so that the NYS justice system can re-locate him into an ideal location.

Scarsdale

(9,426 posts)
22. Ideal location?
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:16 PM
Jun 2020

I hear Alcatraz is nice this time of year. There would be room for the entire tRump family, and administration.

erronis

(14,955 posts)
14. Totally inappropriate! Big MacBurder trump can't find his member to fondle anymore.
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:23 PM
Jun 2020

He knows something's down there, at least used to be. He even hired a high-priced sexologist to try to find it and restore it somewhat.

It's gotta be hard (limp) on Tiffany to not feel big diddy's love....

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
15. It may well have
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:34 PM
Jun 2020

fallen off. This is unpure speculation upon my part. And none of the staff at H2O News is willing to investigate.

KY_EnviroGuy

(14,483 posts)
17. H2O, you should submit this to Borowitz.
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:49 PM
Jun 2020

Andy would approve!

Thanks, we need more satire and 'toons to lighten the load these days......

erronis

(14,955 posts)
20. I actually thought H2OMan was posting a Borowitz and not acknowledging the source. My bad.
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 02:55 PM
Jun 2020

Let's expect to see a new column in the New Yorker soon!

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
28. I don't know how
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:01 PM
Jun 2020

to reach him. (At this time, I am not only the entire staff at H2O News, but the only subscriber.)

We need to use humor now more than ever. And we have appropriate targets.

True Blue American

(17,972 posts)
21. Great thread
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:02 PM
Jun 2020

But honestly it is hard to tell the difference between truth and satire today.

Good job H2Oman!

Scarsdale

(9,426 posts)
25. I was watching an episode of "Gunsmoke"
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:22 PM
Jun 2020

when my son walked in with lunch. I said "A group of renegade Indians has been killing people, stealing their belongings, and setting fire to their homes" This was to catch him up on the show so far. He looked shocked, then I motioned that the commercial was over, and the show was back on. He said "OH, the SHOW. It is hard to tell what is truth and what is fiction these days" Yes, it is especially coming from this WH.

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
31. My son was
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:06 PM
Jun 2020

at a BLM rally in Delhi, NY today. A person came with a sign saying "black lives don't matter," and was getting in people's faces. Lucky for him, the police removed him. The finals of the NYS Golden Gloves have been postponed, as they could not take place in April. My heavyweight son is still training every day. I am glad he did not beat the freak like a drum.

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
32. Thanks!
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:08 PM
Jun 2020

The OP is not remarkably different than the "underground" newspapers I put out in high school and college. Kind of like riding a bike, I guess!

PatrickforO

(14,516 posts)
26. He's never masturbated while thinking of Tiffany...funny.
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 03:25 PM
Jun 2020

Disgusting, still funny...but then, Trump IS disgusting.

H2O Man

(73,333 posts)
33. Yes.
Sat Jun 6, 2020, 05:09 PM
Jun 2020

It's one of those things I went back and forth on posting. Back in the era of YIPPIE!, I would not have hesitated.

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