Why Don't The Republicans Hold Their Convention In Hell Instead Of North Carolina

[DanieRains]

I could think of a million reasons why this would make sense.....

The people of North Carolina do not deserve being invaded by a horde of evil cult scum traitors any way.

I know they want to pay tribute to their Fuhrer / Jim Jones Trump (Donald Death) but they can do this in hell.

Yes, hell.

Where they will all be going someday anyway.

[Squinch]

1. They should hold it at Log O' Merde.

[MyOwnPeace]

6. I see what you did there!!!!

While it was a LONG time ago, I DID study French. Funny how you remember some things........

[Squinch]

11. .

[Wounded Bear]

2. Do you think Michigan would go along?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Michigan

[Jamastiene]

3. I hope the Hell not.

That has been my only thing that has kept me sane.

See, I have a theory.
If all these Bible Belt right wing hatemongering Christians in NC are any example of what is going to be in Heaven, I cannot wait to get to Hell to get the fuck away from them for eternity. It has been my one saving grace, the one thing that has made me happy. One day, when I die, I will never have to fucking deal with their obnoxious anti-gay, anti-women shit again. They keep promising me I am going to Hell and they are going to Heaven. I LIKE it that way. That is how I WANT it. I will get to finally get away from them for eternity.

Let 'em have it in Heaven, where they keep saying they are going and I am not. Let them fucking stay there too.

Honestly, with the way they are, they have made the concepts of Heaven and Hell in my mind reversed, though. See, how long can Heaven remain Heaven with people like fucking Falwell and other anti-gay assholes there? You know everything good got banned by law really quick after he got there. So, how much of a "heaven" can it be? And if none of those assholes make it to Hell and Hell is full of only gay people and women who have our own opinions and think we deserve a say in what happens to our own bodies, and some of them say rock stars go there too, especially punk rockers, that sounds like a damn party to me. It sounds like home sweet home, finally, my own people. I want to be there for eternity, wherever the gays, punk rockers, and women with minds of our own can go be ourselves without having those preachy ass right wing hatemongering Christians like the ones from NC around. Shit, it sounds like Heaven to me. See? It's fucked, I know, but they keep promising me I will be in Hell and they will be in Heaven, which is a load off my mind. I look forward to death for different reasons than they do. I just want them out of my damn face in the grocery store, in the streets, everywhere you can imagine. They don't just keep it in the churches down here.

Even the Powwows down here play Amazing Grace and other Christian hymns on the drum. To top it all off, they cut out half of the slide show information about the Mississippian culture down here where it talks about the religion they used to have. They only mention the black tea that made them puke, not all the other stuff they had in their religion. So, basically, at Town Creek Indian Mound, if you ever visit it during a Powwow, be prepared to have their religion glossed over and whitewashed and Christianity to be forced on you. It is THAT BAD down here. I mean, really? Native Americans were not Christians back then. These Powwows are supposed to be for people to learn about how these cultures lived way back then. At least, the local one claims that. So, why do they feel the damn need to force Christianity on people who attend? I no longer attend. If I am going to visit Town Creek Indian Mound, I go in dead winter, on a weekday early in the morning to avoid as many people as possible. The Powwow? Fuck it. I no longer attend. I won't go. Fuck being preached at about the right wing version of Christianity.

So, no, let the fuckers have their convention in Heaven, and fucking stay there. You know the ones who have already died have destroyed it already. I'll take Hell. Nothing but gay people and rock stars, especially punk rock, and women who want the sickos to keep their grubby paws off our bodies. Hell is the ticket. I don't want those assholes destroying it.

[JenniferJuniper]

4. Satan said no way,

It would ruin the neighborhood

[struggle4progress]

5. Don Corona's jest itchin fer an ex-cuse t'hold it at wunna his golf courses

Thass fine by me

[Stuart G]

7. You don't know it, but I have a lot of side jobs that really keep me busy........

One of those (on my nights when I am not busy), is: Assistant Commissioner of Entrants into Hell

I have just talked to my fellow commissioners about this story, and we will not, under any circumstances..host a republican convention of any kind at any time ever in hell..Perhaps the experts in hell activities should be consulted..a fellow named ........Dante....

Dante wrote an essay on Rings of Hell, and perhaps one of the lower rings will allow such a meeting. Not those of us who command the upper rings , where some fine people exist.

The lower rings....consist of the evilest of characters that we cannot and will not talk about.

I got this job working for a republican friend who said it pays well, but has a very nasty smell. So, because I cannot smell very well..due to too much work for republicans, (they stink)..I got this job...Further, if you have gotten this far in reading this, I applaud you and your perseverance and effort. But believe me, I am going out of my way to justify this, and I am about to explode....

[MyOwnPeace]

12. You should check.........

Maybe you have bone spurs and could go on disability....

[former9thward]

8. They could hold it in Phoenix.

In August the temperature in Phoenix is as close to Hell as you get in the U.S.

[Shermann]

9. Jonestown it is! nt

[Initech]

10. I think even Satan has a stay at home order.

[Blue_true]

13. Because they are afraid that Satan would cancel their return trip. Which

Satan likely would given all the soul mates that showed up.