I'm really not sure why I'm here any more.

[lildreamer316]

By "here", I mean this lifetime, not here-DU.

I mean, I guess I understand - sorta - why I decided to come in, but either I'm a very young soul or a very naive one (or maybe one that wasn't on this particular place last time around); because humans and their behavior have been a constant mystery to me in some ways since I can remember.

And quite frankly, I love people/humanity. But I am DONE. with living in a world where people kill children, for one. Not to mention animals and each other.

I have had it UP. TO. HERE. with it. I cannot, cannot take any more of it, and I desperately wish to not live in a reality that has those things in it.

I promise you, if it were not for my lovely child and my loving husband, I would probably be gone. I hate to say that, knowing that I suppose I have some sort of 'job' to do here and that is a coward's way out, but this is just beyond ridiculous. This kind of mentality and attitude is just more than I can stand. We all have our moments, but it has never entered my consciousness to be so desirous of something or so angry as to take another's life. I can see it if my life or that of my child was threatened. That's about it.

And I'm tired of struggling just to make ends meet. I can't really concentrate on anything else when I have to try and anticipate the next disaster (yes, even when I train myself to not 'expect' a disaster,as in LOA ideas, they still happen..I have $10 to my name right now. After completing an abundance meditation. Whatever.) How is this 'holding the light'? What I'm holding is a bucketful of irritation and resentment and worry that I try very hard to put down every day until something dies or gets shut off or somebody calls wanting money or to scare us into giving money.

I've tried and still try to appreciate every day and to be thankful for what I have, knowing that it's still very much more than millions of others, and that I have chosen love over fear many times. But I am losing hope for the rest of the world and I am tired of being looked at as a child by people (even those close to me) for expecting people to act...HUMAN. I swear, why was I born so naive? It gets old that people think I need to be protected and treat me in a pitying way because I don't see that everyone else is out to use me or take advantage. They almost laugh at my surprise when I discover that someone had ulterior motives for doing something, or when I'm surprised that someone has taken advantage or failed to follow through or what have you. Well, excuse the hell out of me for holding someone to a minimum standard of human behavior. How stupid of me to do so. When will it end? Maybe some day everyone will stop patting me on the head like a foolish little girl and actually listen to what i have to say.

OMG; I'm SO OVER THIS.

It's a gorgeous, beautifully complex world we live in, and there are so many facinating things and people here. I would probably regret leaving the moment I did. But the pain I can feel from (for some reason this is bothering me the most) the children who are being hurt and killed is just spilling over the lip of what I can bear. And to me it seems as if the dark is winning here in the US. As horrible as it's been in the Middle East, I think the people there are overcoming and have a momentum to really make some change. Here, I feel as if we are being crushed by the corporations and I don't see a recovery for a long, long time. I know that's not what everyone else is seeing, and maybe I'm really out of the loop and losing touch with the guides..but it feels like a long, hard slog and I just don't know if I have the cajones for it any more. If I could afford to do it, I'd take my family and move somewhere in Europe, but I love my country and I don't really want to leave.

Ok, I'm sorry. Really sorry for the bullshit self pity party. But I swear to the Universe, if I see or hear of one more child being hurt or killed, I will scream for hours. And I know we are all just souls in human suits, and that there really is no death (I believe that) but when one is here in this concept of time and space, this stuff actually seems to hurt. I don't understand the need for such suffering anymore. I just don't.

**MODS: this is not an I-am-suicidal kind of note. I promise. Just a questioning one. I am in no danger of doing anything to my self or any one else.

[findrskeep]

1. I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time of it Lildreamer...

upon reading your post I clearly "get" that you are an empath and you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It's not yours to carry. I know, believe me I know, how hard that is to let go of. I also hear the word "meditation" while reading your post. I know that sounds like something that wouldn't even knock a dent in how you're feeling, but I know for a fact that it will help you.

You also should clear your energy and then protect yourself energetically. This is crucial to do as an empath. This is how I do it:

I stand or sit (you can do it while meditating too) and imagine bringing light down through my crown chakra, then down through all through the other chakras. I imagine it cleaning and clearing out any "dirt" and debris. Then I picture it going out through my feet and imagine it going deep, deep into the earth's core. There I release it and imagine all the stuff in the energy (light) transmuting itself into good positive healing energy for the earth. Then I bring new grounding earth energy back up through my feet and flowing through all the chakras, and when it reaches my crown I encircle it around me and it mixes with the light that I have brought in through my crown. I then imagine it mixing and circling all around me. I then "place" a two way mirror type of barrier all around the perimeter, forming a big bubble. This encompasses all of the protective, healing light and grounding energy. This way all of your "stuff" can get out though the "mirror" but no one else's stuff can get it. While doing this, I silently repeat the phrase, "I only allow in what serves me in my highest". Once you start doing this, you can do it in just a couple minutes. I would also do this a few times through out the day, I promise it REALLY, REALLY WORKS.

Another piece of advice that a good friend always tells me who's a wonderful energy worker and also channels information about what's going on with all of us right now and this SHIFT...she repeatedly hears the phrase, "Observe, don't absorb". The more you try to do that, the easier it becomes, even with our loved ones that we have so much emotionally invested in.

I hope some of this information helps you. I'll also be sending energy to you. Hang in there!

[lildreamer316]

7. Thank you, finderskeep.

Very good advice there and I will copy that clearing and work with it tonight.

On the 'meditation' thing..here's what happens.
I was trained in the Silva method very early on..when I was 12 to 15 or so. I also learned Shakti Gawain's 'Pink Bubble Technique'. You know what happens?
These days, and for the last ten years or so, EVERY time I sit down to meditate, go into theta/delta, or do the technique, immediately afterward things get exponentially worse.
Really.
And I have no idea why.
I mean, money losing, relationship hell, everything breaking down kind of stuff.
The abundance mediation that I did yesterday was an Abraham-Hicks one; and the last time I did it there was no adverse effect, so I figured why not?
Ten minutes after I woke up, I was informed my bank account had been hit for $500 and I had $44 left to my name. Now, after taking husband to work an hour away, it's $10. And I did not pay a dime for the meditation, it was free.
There's some problem there. I hate to say it, but it seems meditation is bad for me. And I don't like that.
I've been practicing deep breathing and I do a lot of self-talk to let go of things. That's about the best I can do at the moment. Again, I'll try your clearing and I trust that will help also. :)

I've been observing and trying not to absorb, I guess it's just so intense right now it's hard not to. I've been able to practice detachment with husband, but not so with others..isn't that weird?

[Sanity Claws]

2. All I can do is send you light, a prayer and a virtual hug.

You have very clearly articulated what I have been thinking for some time. I wish I could offer you something more concrete than a virtual hug. :hug:

[lildreamer316]

8. That always helps, Sanity..

thank you :) :hug:

[northernlights]

3. welcome to the club, dreamer....

We all go through phases when we wonder why in the world we are here. :hug: We are all born, we live, we die. Some live shorter times, some longer. The Buddha, who was born a prince, saw the same suffering that you and I do and wondered why he was here. We all go through this struggle. One reason there is suffering is because there is also joy. Remember, there is no black without white. Each concept automatically contains its opposite; two sides of the same coin. Yin and Yang, and so on.

People who are not compassionate, who are not introspective, who are not empaths, do not go through the particular struggle with "why" that some of us do. They act on impulse, strike out, strike back, take what is there for the taking. They suffer too, just not in the way that some of us suffer, because their actions bring consequences. We do not consciously "choose" to be born into particular circumstances. Rather, our energy draws us to them, in a similar way to magnets attracting.

"Observe, don't absorb." I *love* that. I suggest that maybe for a time you don't even "observe" for a while. Don't read or watch "the news." Give yourself a break. Focus your attention on your child, your husband, the out of doors. Get yourself into a green place with fresh air for a while (if there is any place green in your area yet -- are the crocuses coming up yet?) if you can. Don't worry so much about "why" and just. be.

Forget trying to manifest abundance. The only person you are manifesting abundance for is the person you bought an overpriced book from. Abundance is a state of mind, not dollars in your wallet. Find abundance in your child's smile and tears, crocuses, even a very simple bowl of oatmeal.

Purchase only what you absolutely need to survive. Simple food, enough heat, water. Entertainment can be free with a walk to the library...

[lildreamer316]

9. Good advice..

and honestly, I'm doing that:

"Purchase only what you absolutely need to survive. Simple food, enough heat, water. Entertainment can be free with a walk to the library..."

Trust me, I am. I'm not trying to do anything but pay our bills, and I'm having a hell of a time doing that. What really bites is that I don't have a mortgage or rent, I don't have credit cards. And we *STILL* have a hard time. Either I'm really stupid with money or, well, I don't know. It's beyond understanding some days.

Every time I look at my son I am grateful. But I'm getting overwhelmed these days, and I really want to have a break. That's all.

Thank you for listening. :hug:

Btw, the meditation I listened to was free..go figure. Lol.

[japple]

4. Dear lil'd, you are here to shine your beautiful, brilliant light.

You appear to be going through a dark night of the soul, and that happens to all lightworkers. This will pass. You will remember (again) that you came to spread the message of peace and love.

[lildreamer316]

10. But will anyone listen?

That's what I meant..so many people, including in my own family, are just convinced that a message of peace and love is ridiculous and naive and etc.; and look at me in that kindly parent way of 'oh, isn't she sweet!'.
I mean really. People have to start believing and trusting in each other for there to BE any belief and trust. But I get treated like a silly little girl for saying things like that. My response:
I'm still here, yes? I'm not dead, abused, damaged, or living in a cardboard box or an insane asylum.
Drives me insane. Are they ever going to listen? With their ears OR their souls?

[Ricochet21]

15. Just keep insisting on living in the light

your relatives are secretly wanting the same
be the power source
they will see it in you
they will want that for themselves

we're all going through this and you are exactly right, it's what we all need.
stay in light :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

18. lildreamer, just shine your light without expectations.

People are affected by you and your light more than you know. I guarantee it. I've had to learn to do my work in the world without ever expecting to get feedback. Otherwise, I'd have long ago given up. Then when I least expect it, someone will come to me and tell me that something that I did that seemed so small to me -- a smile, a kind word, looking at them directly in the eye so they know they're valued as a person, a song posted -- made such a major difference in their life. For each one of those people, there are probably 100 others who just needed someone in their life who loved just for the sake of loving. If you live love and allow yourself to be used where the Universe needs you, you're definitely making a difference even if there are some people who belittle you and your efforts. When you get to the other side, you won't be disappointed.

I'm with you in reference to feeling as though I must be from another planet. This is how I feel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3KpUO6t9qQ

[OneGrassRoot]

5. I hear you, lildreamer....

And I am so very sorry life continues to be an extraordinary challenge, with little relief. I understand the chronic crisis state punctuated by acute crisis. No words, just hugs of love and support....



:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[lildreamer316]

12. Oh, OGR...

it really isn't an 'extraordinary' challenge..that would be if I were on the street or some such. To be honest, I probably should be ashamed of whining so much, I have a lot to be grateful for.

It's just a big question for me..why waste this lifetime on earth if I'm not doing anything productive? I feel as if this is time wasted, except for being a mother and supporting my husband. And that's wonderful, but I could do that without this much depth of...empathy? understanding? intelligence? Awareness! That's the word I'm looking for.

And why was I born with some of these so very Leonine traits? At this point(and probably several others) I would be better served by not regretting making more of my dancing career (read: need for adultation and attention) and not caring so much that I'm getting older and fatter.

Well, that's a bunch of self pity crap, so forget it, but I just don't want to be wasteful of my time here and I question what part my particular talents, or lack of them, is playing. 'Cause I don't see them doing much good at the moment.

..and some 22 year old was calling me 'm'am' in my own house two nights ago. Arg. When did I become a m'am? LOL :)

[Howler]

6. lildreamer316

The light shines brightest after the long dark nights.

[lildreamer316]

14. Ready for it.

I want to be part of that light that shines. I'm ready to be. Someone for goddesses' sake give me the friggin' opportunity. Oh,and people that will open their eyes to it.
Just feel like I'm banging my head against a wall,that's all.. :) - Sigh - :hug:
Thanks for listening.

[BlueIris]

11. (((( lildreamer ))))

I think things will get better for you after this April. As for your frustrations with humanity at large--I feel you, there, believe me. Sometimes, I can almost be glad for the global catastrophes we are sure to face in the coming decade because? That means a lot of the sociopaths will be wiped out along with the rest of us normal folk.

[lildreamer316]

13. I hope

so..I don't wish for the death of anyone, but it does not seem as if many of these people will 'get it' here on earth. But I don't know, I don't presume to know that much about how their path works. All I *do* know is that I am past the point of hoping for a world without these horrors in it..I am refusing to live in a world that has them in it. That's how strong it is for me right now.
Maybe that's childish and misguided. Or it's the right way to bring it into being. Not sure on that one.
Thanks for the hope. And thanks for putting up with me, I know I'm a royal pain in the ass sometimes :) :hug:

[northernlights]

20. that is the spirit

"I am refusing to live in a world that has them in it. That's how strong it is for me right now." Hold that thought.


"Maybe that's childish and misguided." Nope. Not childish or misguided.


"Or it's the right way to bring it into being." Yup. When we are done. Absolutely done. To the point of why even freakin bother.Back against the wall and ready to check off this ride. That is when we unleash on the universe all our power. That is the point of change.



I've reached that point a couple times over the last few years, but then backed off. The first time, John came to me in a dream. I was headed to the light when he begged me not to leave him, and so I came back.

Most recent time was the week of January 4, and this time I didn't back off. Then Algiers had his accident and that shocked me into continuing to put one foot in front of the other. And then Jake broke his toenail and my vet gave me a painfree ticket off the planet. And set me free...that was my point of change Just knowing I can leave now if I choose left me free to let go and not fear being imperfect, just doing the best I can. It's been incremental improvement since then. I'm seeing a light at the end of my tunnel and this time, it doesn't matter if it is a train coming the other way...

[get the red out]

16. I understand

Harm to innocents has really been getting me down lately. I wonder why this world should continue to exist with so many horrible people in it at times, but it does and if there are more people trying to live and not be harmful maybe that helps the balance in some way.

[BlueIris]

17. I also highly, highly recommend Celebration's YouTube energy balancing vids.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECecI8_Eb_s&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

[DeSwiss]

19. Hope this helps.

- http://lightworkers.org/channeling/126005/message-archangel-michael-march-2011spread-your-wings-and-soar">”Spread Your Wings And Soar”

[EnlightenedOne]

21. I'll add my 2 cents here

Everyone here has posted such loving and thoughtful messages, and sometimes it just doesn't get any better than that - to receive love, hope & guidance from strangers on a message board, that enables you to be able to reach out. One more thing to be grateful for. :)

I think you're in a "dark night of the soul" phase and we all have certainly been there. You are obviuosly a deep empath. I was/am too. The sadness can really be overwhelming. What helped me was the understanding I gained from "the Conversations with God" books. If you can get Book 1 from the library, I would highly recommend it. Those books (1-3) completely changed me and turned my life around - going from a complete wreck/victim mentality to one of complete peace and acceptance. One of the main things I learned is that everything that is happening to every individual was chosen by them in spirit. So, when a child dies, I can take comfort knowing that that soul came here as a child and chose to die in order to help someone or wake someone up. Same with homeless people, disabled, etc. I sit in awe of the people who chose to live in the midst of war in Iraq and Afghanistan, and those in Libya who are willing to die for their freedoms, etc. What highly evolved spirits to have choosen to do that. BUT it doesn't matter, because we are Always Okay. This world is just a hologram and we're just role playing here, acting out the part we chose for ourselves. I don't know what happened to me, but now I can MOSTLY stay detached from it. Sometimes my passion arises and I act out with a rebel yell, then I settle back down again and just let everything be. And bless or pray for the situation to be made right.

Something else I learned years ago was to always say "my life works in perfect divine order". That message works like a charm. You wind up convincing your subconscious or just give the Universe the okay, and its just amazing now how I never need to worry anymore because I know everything will work out and be okay. It took me years of saying it though before it could become as natural to me as breathing. Anytime now that I even think about worrying, I just say that and I'm done, and just get right back to my life. I suspect your life is making its way to a state of peace and grace. If we never had the bad, how would we be able to recognize the good?

As far as the meditation goes, maybe you are just activating what needs to get done in you're life and get it over with. I don't think any of us can get out of this world without experiencing a great deal of pain. We're all angels, and how could we possibly know how to help someone or find our light and let it shine if we'd never been in the dark? It's something that we needed, and therefore why we choose it. Your suffering serves a purpose and I know you would like to put that in past tense, and be able to soon say my suffering SERVED its purpose, and now I'm so very grateful for it. And I am. Life was a living hell, but now I understand why it all needed to be that way, and what it taught me, and how far I was able grow because of it. It will be worth it. Now, my only thought is I don;t want to die disappointed in myself, and I don't think I will. My only regret is that I didn't learn or know all this stuff sooner, but I'm sure it was meant to be that way. I spent most of my life in a constant state of fear. Afraid of absolutely everything, and I can look back and see what a complete waste of energy and life that was, but it was obviously something I came here to work on. And, mission accomplished there.

Something that Katrina taught me was to count my blessings and be eternally thankful and greatful for all that I have, and the more greatful you are, the more your life will increase. That must be some kind of universal law or something. I would take a shower and be so greatful that I had warm water, I would do laundry, and be so greatful I had a roof over my head and a washing machine, you name it, id's start up my car and be so thankful that I had a car, and I was so thankful for every single thing, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

You have what seems to be a wonderful husband and child. I was a single mother since my daughter was 8 months old, leaving a very abusive ex-husband who never paid child support and whom I lived in fear of (as well as my parents, bosses, etc) and I worked 2 jobs for 15 years just to exist in a crappy low-rent apartment (many, many years working 70-80 hours a week with a baby and no help). I came from a strict baptist upbringing (and you learned meditation at 12??? - well, that was the devil where I came from). Looking back it was like that was another person. Now, my daughter is 28 yrs. old, doing great, recently divorced, but happy about that, and she is so smart and so together, we get along great. I never got remarried but was able to not only buy a house, but buy my DREAM dream house where my daughter has her own apartment downstairs and I now have a very loving relationship with my parents & siblings, and a really great job with a wonderful boss (just 1 finally) where I make a very decent living. I do my best to give what I can to help others as often as I can. If that's not a turn around, I don't know what is.

The point of this book (sorry 'bout that!)is that its all worth it and its all going to be okay. Stay away from the negative and feed your soul loving spiritual information and look around and find all the things you are greatful for & write them down and REMEMBER how lucky you are. We all miss home, its not easy being here on such a negative planet, but it won't be that way for much longer. Personally, I created my own heaven on earth, thankfully, and I know you will to.
You'll be surprised that all that is good is just around the corner - and our thoughts definitely greatly influence our lives.

[lildreamer316]

22. Thank you. (EVERYONE who is interested,please read..)

I feel,however, that I need to explain a bit.

I know, and I mean know; that these little ones came in to learn and teach certain lessons, and that they chose this. I really do understand that, and have understood it for a while. What I am protesting is that others cannot learn the lesson. I guess what I am saying is, what is it going to take for people to wake up? How many loving spirits have to chose that way to teach and learn before everyone GETS IT?

If the schoolroom of Earth uses pain and suffering to teach, I understand...hell, I signed up for it. And I've actually avoided a majority of that pain and suffering, for reasons that I'll adress later - but it was obviously planned that way. But how much pain and suffering do the residents of earth need before they wake the HELL up? I'm impatient. That's the problem. I feel as if spiritually, the mass of humans as a whole is dragging their feet and are repeating first grade fifteen times. How many times have I ranted to my family "...but it's just COMMON SENSE? Why can't (whomever) see that?" How many lifetimes of pain do you need to learn a lesson? I am protesting that my fellow loving spirits have to repeat such pain and suffering, however holographic and temporary, OVER and OVER again. Let's pick up the pace already.

I in no way, in any of what I am saying here, mean to offend or belittle or insult any of you. I'd like to make that very clear. Everyone's love and compassion for what I'm dealing with is wonderful and much, much apprecaited. This is why I come to this group, and hopefully I give back in kind when needed.

Having said that, here is what I was going to adress earlier. Let me start here. Despite my monetary problems, I am in no danger of being on the street any time soon - my main complaint is that I can't provide for my son the way I would like to, and I hate the stress of constantly having to answer to corporations; and not being able to function at a 'normal' level b/c of something always being cut off. I was born into this life knowing my own power and also knowing that everyone should be allowed an equal part of the resources. The concept of withholding such things for money was and still is irritating and foreign to my sensibilities, especially when it so obviously hurts people and keeps them from their joy. I was BORN being a thorn in the side to authority, and I still don't like it. Who is anyone to tell me that my natural insticts about ANYTHING are wrong or dangerous or silly? And what's funny is...the longer I live here, the more I realize that I was correct in my instincts,feelings and knowing all along. Sure,there have been a few lessons that I've learned about how to deal with the way things work on this life, and that's as it should be. But the point of my being here, among other things, is to show people that it is actually possible to exist this way "This way" being raised without abuse (mostly, some would say I was verbally abused,but it didn't seed itself as my self-talk, so no harm permanantly done); 'knowing' that it is possible to treat others in a truly fair and common-sense way; and to actually survive and thrive as such a person - a person who continually believes in the natural goodness of other people,and of their capeability for compassion and intelligence. And I'll be damned if anyone is going to put me off course for that.
However, people keep telling me that I need to adjust to the fact that corporations will be witholding basic life necessities until they are paid for. I need to get used to it.
NO.
I refuse to get used to it. I refuse to think it's a good idea, that it's 'just the way it is'; that enabling this misguided selfishness and greed is something i need to just 'deal with'.
And that's part of why I'm here. At least,I thought so.
Same thing applies: I need to 'get used to' the idea that the pain and suffering are going to just continue on and on and on. Because it's necessary for me and for others to learn and to grow.
No.
I've already learned this lesson. That's why I didn't have to go through most of it again this time. I already understand, on a soul level, how that feels. And for F*&$%'s SAKE - if everyone else hasn't learned these lessons already, WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE?? (this is not directed at you, EnligtenedOne)

THAT is where I'm at. I say that I don't know why I'm here any more because I'm impatient; and I see our spiritual selves having to step up the holographic lesson-learning just to get through to the rest of us. I came here to be part of the change,and I swear I'm going to be 80 before anyone gets their collective ass in gear. Seeing the changes that are going on right now just makes me so much more ready to (move forward) that I feel as if I'm dancing in place - and my legs are getting mighty tired. And yes, it's very arrogant of me to expect people to 'learn' as quickly as I expect them to, but that is just because I *know* what they are and who they are..and they can do better. We all can.

It's funny - my husband says I have the patience of Job. Ha.

I am always grateful for what I have in my life..but sometimes it does not seem that way,because I was born already knowing that I would have these things so that I could do and be what I need to. So I guess sometimes it's hard to be humbly, grovelingly grateful for things that I think everyone should have; and it's foreign to my soul for us as soul entities to not have what we need to do our real work. And therefore irritating and angering that other entities would withold such things when this world is ready to ascend to the next level..knowing that to do so will delay that ascencion and the real work most of us were sent here to do. This comes off to others who listen to me as arrogant and plays into the Leonine part of my birth sign well. ("She thinks she's entitled!" well, yes...and so are you. But you'll never see me say that these days.)

This is also part of why I think mediation does not really work for me..for whatever reason, I'm not meant to use it as a tool to get peace or what I want. Those things are supposed to come to me in other, more 'active' ways. The Conversation With God phrase that you, EnlightenedOne, were talking about is a good one. I have several AbrahamHicks quotes posted at various places so they are in my awareness every day. Mantras do work somewhat, and just general deep breathing. But specific, time out of my day meditations do not seem to do anything for me at the moment. I think that may change with time.

I know that it's going to be ok...eventually. But I question, and I think I am in part here to question, why it has to be so very hard on the way to 'eventually'. I don't think I'm supposed to just accept that it's part of the lesson..it's been part of the lesson for thousands of years already. I believe it's time for a new lesson - one can choose other ways to learn these lessons, or earth is ready for souls who have already learned those lessons. Those souls are already here. Now it's time to wake up. Sure, I miss 'home'. But I'm here to make Earth my home. Why not? I challenge the concept that it's not possible for Earth to be more like that. And as to the idea that the lessons learned on the way to 'eventually' are needed...yes, but there is other work to be done. If I spend all my time learning at the first grade level (again); when do I move up to the second grade? and etc.

I am peaceful and revolutionary. I am angry and happy. I am patient and impatient. I am hopeful and irritated. I was not born a rebel soul to learn to not be rebellious.

Here's what I'm saying to the collective: Please, the lesson is being handed to you on a silver platter by multitudes of loving souls who are chosing the harshest lives possible to enable you to get it. So let's go, already. I know that the Great Love is unconditonal, unending, unyeilding and eternally patient, but you're abusing the privelige. Return the gift by learning the lesson and stepping up.

[japple]

23. Lildreamer, I don't have the answers to your questions. I don't think

anyone does. The thing we have to keep in mind is that, even if world peace and enlightenment will not happen in our lifetime, we cannot live any other way. If you knew that the dark side would eventually take over the world, would you willingly join them?
They are controlling what we see and hear, they want to discourage the reporting of the good things that happen, the everyday miracles. It is their intention to discourage and weaken the resolve of lightworkers.

Martin Luther King,Jr. fought his whole (too short) life, yet he lived long enough to see some of his actions bring about justice. We are seeing the seeds being sown in Wisconsin. I hope it won't take a lifetime to reap the harvest, but, if it does, I will go to my grave knowing that I never gave up. I don't know any other way to live.

Sorry if this sounds simplistic, but that's the way I see it.

From MLK "Not Long" speech.

I come to say to you this afternoon, however difficult the moment, (Yes, sir) however frustrating the hour, it will not be long, (No sir) because "truth crushed to earth will rise again." (Yes, sir)
How long? Not long, (Yes, sir) because "no lie can live forever." (Yes, sir)
How long? Not long, (All right. How long) because "you shall reap what you sow." (Yes, sir)
How long? (How long?) Not long: (Not long)
Truth forever on the scaffold, (Speak)
Wrong forever on the throne, (Yes, sir)
Yet that scaffold sways the future, (Yes, sir)
And, behind the dim unknown,
Standeth God within the shadow,
Keeping watch above his own.
How long? Not long, because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice. (Yes, sir)
How long? Not long,

http://www.mlkonline.net/ourgod.html

[northernlights]

24. you came here to live in the 3-D world

All or most of us are born with the memories of our spirit life and why we came here fresh in our minds. Many of us lose that memory; others do not.

But ultimately, you came here to experience life in the 3 dimensional world. And 1: Before you can help anybody else learn or heal, you *must* walk a mile in their shoes. And 2: ultimately, it *is* up to them to learn or heal, not up to you to teach or cure.

Example:

I *knew* from a single-digit age that I came here to help my parents to heal. I demonstrated loved and joy for them, forgiveness -- a big deal there from 2 people who never said they were sorry -- and more...and it fell on deaf ears. Eventually I figured out they would never learn it, and I left them to salvage what was left of my own life.

It was only after I left them that they learned what I came to bring them. As long as I was shining light on them -- I was still *holding* that light. In my absence, the role of light-bearer was left unfilled for them to pick up or not, as they chose. And ultimately it is their choice to make for themselves, not yours. My mother didn't get it until she was dying. Many people don't. My father still hasn't gotten it. Don't know if he will in this lifetime.

Every lightworker reaches the point you are at, dreamer, where they *must* bite the bullet and live the 3-D reality. Meditation is more than just centering and finding inner peace. It is also about finding guidance -- you must *experience* the suffering, whether jealousy or resentment or whatever, in order to understand what motivates people in their more negative behavior. And then, experiencing that negative emotion, honoring it, validating it, you can choose to lighter path. Meditating to create Abundance in your life, for example, is just the 1st step. The meditation guides you to make choices that will bring abundance in the here and now. And as long as the here and now is the 3-D reality, it means doing things you don't want to do or agree with. Consider the possibility that you don't *know* everything. And recognize that people will change on their schedule, not yours. You chose to come here; now you can stick it out or not. You don't get to change the collective co-creation, only your own little personal creation.

Like it or not, you cannot skip from Kindergarten to 4th grade. You *must* pass through Grades 1, 2 and 3 first, just like the rest of us. Sorry, but you are not such a genius that you get to skip ahead. Don't take it personally. None of us is that much of a genius.

[EnlightenedOne]

25. If what I've read

and learned about 2012 (which I'm a believer in based on all the evidence) our current circumstance is changing and will continue to change to a positive, loving, sharing (we're all one) existence. The power coming in from the sun (son) is raising everyone's consciousness (obviously). Those who are of the dark, or not evolved enough will not be able to handle the energy and will exit. However, their process needs to be respected too. We've all been here thousands of times, and we too have all been darkly inclined in some of those incarnations too (as hard and hurtful as that is to believe - we were theives, murderers, etc.) We're in the 9th cycle (completion) of the Mayan calender and profound change will be here by 12/2012. So you don't have that much longer to deal with your frustration, and I don't think the judgement/frustration/anger is really serving any purpose for you or the planet. You need to just let it go & allow things to be. There is perfection in the process and that needs to be respected, no matter how uncomfortable or frustrating. You cannot take other's lessons from them. It's time for acceptance of the way things are, for now, with a focus on how we make things better for ourselves and our world.

For 2012 information, check out Hiddenmeanings.com; David Wilcox Divine Cosmos, as well as many other sites. You must use discernment however, as in most things, there is a lot of misinformation out there.

[DeSwiss]

26. I know how you feel.

I've wondered about the same things myself that you're saying here now. When will they ever get it? I have to constantly remind myself that I am in the worst position to see the greater picture of what is truly going on. We all are. Down here in these lower rungs where we dwell, we cannot see the whole picture of what is happening. We cannot know nor understand how many have improved their understanding of their own creativity, and that there are no doubt many new eyes being opened. And we also have to remember that the system in which we live has been designed to accentuate the negative in order to induce and maintain FEAR and DOUBT. So the negative tends to stand out more. And yet it only takes a small amount of light to dispel the all the darkness. That is what we're seeing happening in the Middle East right now. And it will continue to grow until it engulfs the world.

We create our own reality. But from our limited point of view, we can scarcely know what we're creating most of the time. Nor appreciate the ramifications of the vibrations from our acts which echo through reality as a result of our doings. I've spent my life trying to be of service to others. And I see much of my work now threatened (in part) as a result of the calamities and upheavals that are surrounding us. I was initially alarmed. But then I remembered that just as a hurricane threatens to uproot and wreck much damage, it also removes the dying and the diseased. It uses that wreckage as nourishment and fertilizer. And then replenishes the earth so that renewal can take place in its wake.

The other day I ran across a passage from the book that initially opened the door to my understanding of why I'm here, "Seth Speaks." I'd been re-reading it recently because I felt there were some things there I needed to remember. And for some reason there was a small snippet that I felt I had to save to a document file. I didn't know exactly why at the time, but maybe it was so that I could post it here and now:

Now: give us a moment here. First of all, as a race, in the context of normal usage, you have considered yourselves as apart from the rest of nature and consciousness.

Your own survival as a species was your main concern. You considered other species only in the light of their use to you. You did not have any true conception of the great sacredness of all consciousness, nor of your relationship within it. You were losing your grasp of that great truth.

In the present circumstances you are carrying that idea forward -- of racial survival regardless of the consequences, the idea of changing the environment to suit your own purposes; and this has led you to a disregard of spiritual truths.

In physical reality, therefore, you are seeing the results. Now those personalities who are returning are doing so for various reasons. Some of them are drawn to physical life again because of these attitudes. They are those who in the past, in your terms, strove for physical existence without consideration for the rights of other species. They are driven to return because of their own desires.

The race must learn the value of individual man. The race is also learning its dependence upon other species, and beginning to comprehend its part in the whole framework of physical reality.

Now: Some individuals are being reborn at this time simply to help you understand. They are forcing the issue, and forcing the crisis, for you still have time to change your ways. You are working on two main problems, but both involve the sacredness of the individual and the individual's relationship with others and with all physically-oriented consciousness.

The problem of war will sooner or later teach you that when you kill another man, basically you will end up killing yourself. The over-population problem will teach you that if you do not have a loving concern for the environment in which you dwell, it will no longer sustain you -- you will not be worthy of it. You will not be destroying the planet, you see. You will not be destroying the birds or the flowers, or the grain or the animals. You will not be worthy of them, and they will be destroying you.

You have setup the problem for yourselves within the framework of your reference. You will not understand your part within the framework in nature until you actually see yourselves in danger of tearing it apart. You will not destroy consciousness. You will not annihilate the consciousness of even one leaf, but in your context, if the problem were not solved, these would fade from your experience.

The crisis is a kind of therapy, however. It is a teaching method you have setup for yourselves because you need it. And you need it now, before your race embarks upon journeys to other physical realities. You must learn your lessons now in your own backyard before you travel to other worlds. So you have brought this upon yourself for that purpose and you will learn.

~Seth Speaks, by Jane Roberts (1972) Chap. 12, Reincarnational Relationships

- Take care......

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a
new model that makes the existing model obsolete." ~Richard Buckminster Fuller

on edit: spelling

[Missy Vixen]

27. lildreamer, I am thinking of you

I wish I had something else to say besides the fact that you are precious to us. I'm not sure what the lesson being learned here is. Mostly, though, I wanted you to know that you are loved, and I hope to share the burdens of those here like I bear my own.

I hope we will both see the sun soon.

:loveya:
:hug:

-MV

[crikkett]

28. Once upon a time, housewives who needed a little money

would "take in" laundry, darning, ironing, cook for others, babysit. You don't hear about this anymore.

But perhaps there's something that you do already that you can also do for someone else, for a little cash. So it might not even impact your daily routine so much.

I really know how you feel. I'm not in a position to look for a job right now, I have almost no money for food, no idea when more work will come in, I'm short on rent and have the power company breathing down my neck. My day consists of waiting desperately for the mailman, which is made even more awful because mine is the last mailbox on his route, and then trying to get over the letdown when our payment didn't come. Again. Really bad for concentration and creative thought.

I myself decided today to for opportunities along the lines of 'taking in laundry' (except my washing machine just broke, not an hour ago! LOL!!!! The pump failed to drain water. We think we can fix it.)

The hardest part is to say to someone that you need help, and reveal your vulnerability. That is the absolute hardest part. But people want to help. And people like the reference librarian may have access to information on financial aid.

You'll make it through. Do you have a food bank near you?

(I don't even qualify for the food bank, because the branch near me requires a notarized letter from my landlord saying that I pay the rent I do! Those not only cost money, but can you imagine what a landlord would think about a tenant who's asking for something like this? BTW I'm told it's illegal to do that, it breaks 2nd harvest rules or something.)

[katty]

29. i hear you, i am sick of being stuck in 3D too--however, I do

sense I am awakening to my soul course increasingly every day.

[WhiteTara]

30. lil dreamer

hang on. Things will change, pictures will become more clear. You are loved and your presence is needed on the earth at this time. You have been an inspiration to me for years now.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: